Now Playing: Mandy Moore - Only Hope

Thanksgiving was sweet. I love my family more than my own life... and I love stuffing just as bad too xD

I got to see Nicole today and it was gggreat :D. It was fun just seeing an old face, and such an old friend too. Apparently we've known each other for 8 years, which is just INSANE dudes... insanity. She really is one of my best friends... even if we fight over who pays for food all the time.

It was a great time though, and I don't think I've felt as peaceful as I do right now in a very long time. =) late


Now Playing: Bee Gees - This is where I came in

I need nostalgic music to make me write about this stuff. You have no idea how quick your mood changes with this stuff...

:-/ I can't do this without stopping and deciding not to go through with it. I dunno where to start and I rather be in bed. But I've wasted way too much time doing absolutely nothing =) Thanksgiving is coming soon... a time when we're supposed to give thanks for everything we've been given. Being in such a lousy state, I'm hesitant to do much of anything.. but I'm gonna take this opportunity to give thanks for a few things lingering in my head before I can actually feel better. Lately I have problems trying to re-write everything on my head.. but apparently I associate certain songs with certain people or events, so it's up to the tunes to get me through this. Writing as catharsis here we go..

Now Playing: The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony

I need to give thanks to God, first and foremost. Test me push me work me over... I've made it through a lot. I may not be as diehard Christian as other folk, but I don't feel the need for it. God and I's relationship is a private one, and I don't have to publically praise him all te time for Him to know that I'm listening. Always listening...

With winter break coming up soon, Im gonna get to see Matt, after not seeing one another in a very long time. Surreal.. to be honest, I didn't think I'd ever forgive those folks who trashed me around at the end of high skool. I kinda haven't forgiven some... but with Matt I just got sick of feeling bitter towards him. The old adage is true, once they're gone you realize how much a part they are of you. I need to see the bastard. I wanna see how different we'll see one another... have I grown up since then? Has he?! Too many questions come to my head.. all I know is that I've missed hanging out with him a lot. Always hesitant though... I'm gonna have the time of my life whenever we reunite, but I hope that.. I dunno, he feels as genuine as I do about being friends again.

Thankfully I can spend time with him and with Flemmy now... I think there's a lot of expectations waiting to be fufilled soon. I wanna say YEA IM SEEING MATTEW!@!@ but I'm just not sure sometimes... can you really blame me =] We've only talked through online since deciding to be friends again... so of course, a lot of things can and will be different once we met up face to face. heh... reminds me of someone else. heheheh.. I'm way more positive than I'm used to. I guess that's good

Now Playing: Evanescence - My Immortal

I know I'm gonna sound like such a loser for this but Im totally reeling on my feelings for Meg. :-/ God... stupid stupid stupid. 2 years!!! 2 fucking years and we did nothing. Nothing at all. I start to doubt how much she really cared about me.. she wasn't faithful, and about as bad at making the move as I was. I dunno... I miss her so much sometimes, I consider myself a dumbass for it. She holds aminosity towards me [lord know it] and it's really time for me to put her past my head. I can't help but feel like... all the time and effort put into our relationship means nothing now. I feel like that about a lot of people actually. The talks late at night in the quad, the outings, helping her when terrible news hit her family... it's like none of that matters. Things won't be the same, and yeah... we'll all adapt. Life is about adapting. I just can't help but feel like we both missed the boat bigtime... but I guess it's irrelevant to dwell on. Regardless though... whenever someone asks me about my hig schol sweetheart, no doubt... it was her.

Now Playing: Coldplay - In My Place

Tim Hsu. yeah... I sure feel a lot of retarded feelings about this one.

For everything you have, you must give credit to those who started you off. Parents, friends, family, people. You know without our absurd friendship and storyline, I'd be a total different person. I guess I had to learn all these things about felings and talking through him, and I had to go berzerk on the guy to get to where I am. My depression was a necessity.. and always a key event in my life.

I guess in the end, now that I can formally put myself to thinking about it.. I did get what I wanted out of Tim. I felt like I had to leave my mark on the guy. I had to make our friendship mean something. Back in 10th grade, I thought he was a pretty decent guy, but not someone I'd ever talk to... he was too soft for me. Or so I thought. Hes just one of those people you see as you walk through life that just.. interest you, I dunno. He seems so inpenetrable, so stuck and lost in place.. but still, very unlike the rest of the asian kids from Cleveland. Maybe he was more willing to talk, or something. He loves regressing a lot into fitting in with his little group, and that hardly bothers me now. He reads my blog and comments and invites me to his at one moment, until we just get sick of one another. Maybe we're alike as soooo many like love pointing out to me... and that's gonna cause this friendship to stay awkward and unstable.

I don't think I wanted to be that close to him. I just wanted a connection to Tim. He seems so lonely sometimes... but he's always going to remain a sarcastic little prick when it comes to talking to Luis. Am I some sort of threat to him I dunno. Doesn't matter. Maybe I need to thank... myself for doing what I wanted. I wanted to be friends with the guy, and i knew I had to change if it was to be done. I was lost, I was lost... crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed. I may have burned bridges with Tim in terms of ever having a normal friendship, but I think we were never meant to be buddy buddy... he knows what he means to me in the long picture, as I'm sure I know he feels very uncomfortable about me saying such things. It's alright man... I don't think I need anything from you anymore. Tim Hsu's a very great guy, he interests me mentally, and if he ever decides to talk to me in an other than stand-offish way... I'm up for it. At this rate, I think we're going to grow old and withered, separately of course. I have these dreams, where I'm old and in a coffee shop. Tim and I will always have that deep, philosophical connection that I think very few people can ever give him. But at the end of the day... that's all we can get to. We'll be old philosophy buddys. I think I need to change the damn song..

Now Playing: Coldplay - Warning Sign

He's not the only one to have changed my life in a very significant way. I think I emphasize too much on those who gave me the HUGE epiphanies in life and that's never good. Noone can be on such high a pedestal. Sometimes just being with me will make me feel like life is something not to worry over all the time.. sigh I need to think this one out.

Now Playing: Our Lady Peace - Bring Back the Sun

little white house...

I've put closure on the chapter of my life regarding Peter.. but ths song will always remind me of our friendship. Noone has the right to expect that I ever forget.. nobody. It doesn't matter to me anymore, some people whether or not they be with me will always stick in my mind some how.. that's just what happens sometimes. In life, we get affected tremendously by people who just.. come in and move you. Yeah, he was the closest friend I've ever had.. but I think that's all. It's true... we all need to move on and close up things sometimes. Like the song says, someday we'll both bury this hate... individually. I think I was too much of everything for the guy to handle. It happens..

Now Playing: Ranma - Red Shoe Sunday

Thanks everyone for the good times. We used to play this in Matt's car and sing along. =) I think once we move past the "deep" and "moving" shit we can get to the fun times, the simple times... and I've never had as much fun as I did with you guys. This pager's driving me krazzy! ^_^ While some people were close to me for what they signified, others... like matt jenny and co I was close to because they provided me with fresh air. They were my fun. Yeah, they didn't impact me in the way a Meg or Tim did.. but they didn't have to. I love[d] them just as much. I think it became a problem sometimes, this 'hierarchy' people thought I would use was really non-existent. People just got to me in different ways. And people always will.

Now Playing: Incubus - Just a Phase

In the end, all I can harbor is gratitude. So thanks you guys. Thanks for moving me, thanks for letting me move you... thanks for being. Thanks for hanging out with me when I'm bored, thanks for putting up with my over-analysis of everything. Thanks for setting me straight when I go off key. Thanks for chatting with me, on the fone or on AIM and making me feel like the way I feel towards you isn't one-sided. Thanks for coming into my life.

Thanks to those who have come and gone... thanks to the Amy Madoles and Juan Medinas of the world. Sometimes... I miss her a lot. Oh Amy, if you were only here to let me tell you this in person. I may not know where you are anymore.. nor may we ever speak again, but I love you, and if you only saw me now... =]

Thanks to those catalysts who sparked me to evolve in tremendous ways, depressing me yet moving me towards a better life. Thanks to the Tim Hsus, Nicole!, the Peters, the Jens the Michelles the Ariel fortunes, the Ashleys and Megs of the world... you have no idea; I'll never ever ever forget. You think you know, but you really don't know... just how much you've changed me. Forever changed. Thanks guys.

Thanks to those who pickd me up and made me enjoy every single time I wasn't by myself... to the Matt and Jennys, who became my best friends... thanks Joe, Roel, most of slackers, to PATRA! <33 Justine! both Justine's... to Enza, while we may not be together now.. you'll always be here somehow. Thanks for hanging out with me, keeping me busy, making me happy... ahhh <33333 here come the hearts.

Thanks to Glen for letting me break through his cycle of inanity... thanks man. Thanks for trusting me with one of your greatest secrets... I won't let you down. Thanks for letting ANYone in. I don't think it would've been good for you to turn into what *I* used to embody. We're finally getting somewhere... thanks to Brighton, my LOVE for finally talking to me, letting me use what's been passed down to me in order to help you out... your company is priceless. I love you two

Thanks to music!!! For everything it means me, for moving me, for taking me back... to people, to events, to the past... and letting me enjoy the moment.

And thanks to those new folk who just came into my life. My suitemates. Amanda! Nnenna and everyone else I've met via networking it. Thanks for giving me somehting new to work with, something new to experience... it's gonna help me out in the long-term. A new chapter awaits me dudes... I guess it's time to get going.


Now Playing: The Reading Rainbow Song OMG!!!

Maybe I'm growing more senile and pissy because I'm not writing like I should... writing is good writing is great writing will keep me sane writing writing need to write... gonna do a nice big thanksgiving entry. Look out for it kiddos

Today all I did was slack off, shave and talk to Brighton for an hour on the fone. I love her... she reminds me of me back in the day. No not the gangster days, heh. Right now, I feel like I get the chance to use all the teachings handed down to me by other friends in order to help her out. There's things in life you will come by that will just stick with you and be very handy in the future.. people will come and people will go, but what they give you is everlasting. Man.. I feel like giving thanks already. Keep me workin guys.. <3

Klevermonkey: pick ur head up and do something about this mess
theeseXayone: such a mess..
Klevermonkey: b/c glen and i cant make time to see u , enza, and meg all at different times
theeseXayone: :-[


Now Playing: NiGHTS - Theme of a Tragedic Revenge

**NEWS for ALL fellow bloggers** There is no longer need for secret blogs or multiple blogs, etc etc. Blogger now has private entries that only you can see. Let Luis explain~

One of my philosophical homies invites me to join his blog one day outta nowhere, so I did. Den I realized that blogger has the new "draft" option to the right of the screen. Whenever you feel like posting something REALLY hardcore, or to keep for yourself, click on draft. I guess it's good.. it'll save me a whole lot of controversy. hahahah Best thing is, you get to write anything your heart desires [good for teh catharsis] and you don't get yelled at if you offend anyone [woo!].

Anyway I just wanted to let y'all know. I know bloggers all around our little circle like to hold back on a lot of things. We all love trying to be vague and stupid because getting personal just seems so.. invasive when it's online, neh? Remember guys, it really should NOT matter what you blog about, since you got it for yourself [I hope...]. But if you feel you need your privacy, blogger has it for you now. Dandy shit :)


Now Playing: Dashboard Confessional - Broken Hearts and Concrete Floors

Onto a few matters

Still not talking to Enza. Probably won't either for a while. It hasn't been easy lately, but thank God I haven't gotten too moved by it. It's probably because I've been down this road with many people before her. Perpetual Disappointment. heh. I've been scarred left and right, it seems that something as serious as a fight with a friend isn't gonna phase me anymore.. visibly, that is. I feel terrible because by not hanging out with her, I'm doing exactly what we both feared.. and that was the ignoring and neglection of each other. I get the feeling that even if I decided to talk to her more, she'd send me away and reject anything I said. So I can't even try making up with someone who would do that to me.

I guess it was bound to happen. Too much time together and I need serious time alone once in a while, which eeeeveryone knows. I can recharge my batteries, I can always come back, but damn.. I felt so drained by her. I can't give ANYone constan attention even if I tried.. so I don't know. It isn't fun not talking to her and junk, but I think we both need this time away from one another in order to realize what kind of relationship we had. I'm not her one and only, nor do I wish to be anybodies one and only.. don't gie me total and utter reliance onto me, because I've done it to others... and it just drives them away. It drives them away. away.. far.

Almost happened with me and Ashley too, but we're dandy again. We're super alike in case you haven't seen us in action :P... which is why I think we both kjust know when to stay away for a while. We're back to being buddies which is great, and now that we know when we need time away from one another, things won't get as nasty as they have been. Yeesh... is this happening at all the other campuses?

Now Playing: Incubus - The Warmth

Well... looks like some things will absolutely always haunt me for the rest of my life. Funny... the day we met again, my necklace breaks. I remember when youre broke and... if I think back accurately, it was around the time we started to drift apart. Passing you by today was weird.. and having my necklace break while doing nothing but think is... just funny. I need a lot of things out of my system for good, and my necklace becoming a casualty just might be the sign I needed to get myself together.

At least I can be content knowing I'm way beyond that stuff so hopefully... it won't eat away at me like it used to. heh... Peter Hwang. Somethings will always be unhealthy for me to get into. I miss my necklace :(. Time to write..


Now Playing: Incubus - Warning

Well, I'm back heheh... such a great time. Manda :-) I LOVE KNOWING PEOPLE! It's my life's calling. Psychology is defnintely my thing. woo. Everyone is gone but it's all dandy.. I love time to myself, especially lately when you never get to be by yourself to just... be. I'll have to get back to this sometime soon. late

Now Playing: Akinyele - Put It In My Mouth [[Brighton!]]

Finished my psych experiment today and damn... it was good. I was given tons of questions and as I saw questions and quotes and everything they gave me, I kept writing them down. So now I'm full of juicy mental food to chew on... and a lot of writing material. Lately with people finding anything to get mad at me for, I've had little time to really put perspective on anything, but today's psych experiment helped alot. I'll be back later to get started... I have someone to meet. ;-)

Now Playing: That one song from Kill Bill once O-Ren dies 8-)!!

Just saw it with the suitemates and Ash. Helping to take away some of my pain n frustrations. Now, for your late nite entertainment, here is teh love of my <3:

mistikXsiamese: duude
mistikXsiamese: i had the weirdest day today
theeseXayone: why? wasup
mistikXsiamese: so in the morning i go to see jeff...
mistikXsiamese: and i'm standing outside cuz i got there a bit early...and watched the surfers..they're all soo good
theeseXayone: surfers
theeseXayone: lol
mistikXsiamese: and outta no where he comes from behind and puts his arms around me...scrared the shit outta me...but it was soo sweet
mistikXsiamese: he hasnt done something like that in soo long
mistikXsiamese: so we hung out for a whiel...he went to school i came back went to class then work
theeseXayone: awwwww
mistikXsiamese: at work...my ex's mom (maria) comes to the window to pay for swimming
theeseXayone: <333
mistikXsiamese: lol
mistikXsiamese: yes
mistikXsiamese: anyways
theeseXayone: yayay
theeseXayone: go on
mistikXsiamese: so she has 4 sons and always wanted a daughter....hence ME
theeseXayone: ....
theeseXayone: o lord
mistikXsiamese: so we start yappin like little girls
mistikXsiamese: ..lol
mistikXsiamese: it was fun
theeseXayone: lol
mistikXsiamese: and finally she just stops
mistikXsiamese: and looks at me
theeseXayone: like me :-P
mistikXsiamese: i'm like..."uhh..ok" in my head
mistikXsiamese: so she says to me
theeseXayone: says wut wut wut
mistikXsiamese: " i've made up my mind, i want u and doni to get married" doni is my ex
mistikXsiamese: -_-
mistikXsiamese: she goes on to ask
theeseXayone: ...
mistikXsiamese: "would u want to" i was like "uhh...i guess...IONNO~!!"
mistikXsiamese: she says "ok..i'll ask him and talk to him"
mistikXsiamese: *sigh*
theeseXayone: ....
theeseXayone: patra
mistikXsiamese: that's not the end of my day tho
theeseXayone: for one last time
theeseXayone: what did itell you
mistikXsiamese: yes i kno i kno
mistikXsiamese: i'm not marrying him
theeseXayone: *MA
mistikXsiamese: yes
theeseXayone: ...
mistikXsiamese: LOL
mistikXsiamese: ^_^
theeseXayone: yes.
theeseXayone: ^_^
mistikXsiamese: ANYWAYS
mistikXsiamese: so in class today
mistikXsiamese: theres' this guy that always sits next to me in our nite class
mistikXsiamese: he's ok looking...kinda cute...japanese i think
theeseXayone: ....
theeseXayone: hotter than my prom guy?
mistikXsiamese: and we keep looking at eachother all semester
mistikXsiamese: he's not hot
mistikXsiamese: just adorable
mistikXsiamese: and a really good dresser
mistikXsiamese: just a bad chain smoker
mistikXsiamese: ---
theeseXayone: awwww
mistikXsiamese: -_-
theeseXayone: =[
mistikXsiamese: but yea
mistikXsiamese: so we're always exchanging glances
mistikXsiamese: but have never said anything all semester
mistikXsiamese: finally today
theeseXayone: :-* gRrRroWWwl
mistikXsiamese: he talks...and asks about the quiz we're having
mistikXsiamese: i'm like ionno...i wasnt listening and he asks if i'm ready for it
mistikXsiamese: i'm like heeeeyylll naaah
mistikXsiamese: llo
mistikXsiamese: so we laugh
theeseXayone: lol
mistikXsiamese: but there's still very few words exchanged there
theeseXayone: no words, homie.
mistikXsiamese: finally at the end of class we finish the quiz at the same time
theeseXayone: just get nekkid.
mistikXsiamese: lol
mistikXsiamese: yes
mistikXsiamese: ...but yea...this is after i pick up his pencil and he smiles at me
theeseXayone: =-0
mistikXsiamese: so we're wlaking outside...and i'm like
theeseXayone: wtf
mistikXsiamese: how'd u do
mistikXsiamese: ...he starts to talk
theeseXayone: ...
theeseXayone: i need a pic
mistikXsiamese: but keeps stumbling in his words
theeseXayone: cuuuuttte
mistikXsiamese: like...
mistikXsiamese: he stutters
mistikXsiamese: and finally he's like...."uhhh..."
mistikXsiamese: lol
mistikXsiamese: so i'm waiting for wat hes gonnas ay
mistikXsiamese: and finally he starts talking hella fast
mistikXsiamese: and ends up stuttering more than anyone i've ever met
mistikXsiamese: and finally spits out
mistikXsiamese: "hey will u go w/ me to get coffee sometime..??
mistikXsiamese: -_-...we can study and stuff"
theeseXayone: awwwwwww
theeseXayone: OMG
mistikXsiamese: and finally about 10 minutes ago
theeseXayone: <3333333333333
mistikXsiamese: the guy i went to hc w/ last year...
theeseXayone: ...
mistikXsiamese: the half white half filipino dude
mistikXsiamese: busts this out
theeseXayone: 0_0
mistikXsiamese: bye, luv ya always and that means always
mistikXsiamese: -_-
mistikXsiamese: geebus
mistikXsiamese: *sigH*
theeseXayone: oh lord
theeseXayone: i say
mistikXsiamese: i'm tired
mistikXsiamese: lol
theeseXayone: you bonk them all
mistikXsiamese: LOL
mistikXsiamese: i think thta's only fair to me
theeseXayone: i say so too
theeseXayone: and you let me know eeeeeverything
theeseXayone: >)
mistikXsiamese: lol
mistikXsiamese: no no no
mistikXsiamese: only jeff
mistikXsiamese: lol
mistikXsiamese: the ex has kids not to mention i'm sure of a couple std's
mistikXsiamese: the cute stat boy
mistikXsiamese: he's ok...but well...ionno
mistikXsiamese: not really my type but we're gonna have coffee
mistikXsiamese: and the hc duude
theeseXayone: yum
theeseXayone: =9*
theeseXayone: lol
mistikXsiamese: well....he's just a big pot head that needs sex that's why he's talking to me agian
mistikXsiamese: LOL
theeseXayone: hahahaha
mistikXsiamese: sigh
mistikXsiamese: lol
mistikXsiamese: it was the most amazing of days
theeseXayone: dayum
theeseXayone: i should blog it for you
mistikXsiamese: LOL
mistikXsiamese: "*name refrained* GETS THE MOST ACTION IN ABOUT 10 YRS"
theeseXayone: ^_^


So much for not being colorblind - now all I see is WHITE WHITE WHITE

So I'm here resting and freakin Marco and Joey come in NAKED and moon the shit out of me ^%$^E@ asking who had the hairier asscrack.

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.


Now Playing: nothin

So Glen is finally here at UCR... and as we sit to watch movies, plans emerge:

- drinking
- going out-ing
- no-sleeping
- and more drinking.

good times will ensue. woot


Now Playing: TLC - Waterfalls

SimilarMinds.com Compatibility Test

Your match with Marco Torres
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SimilarMinds.com Compatibility Test

Your match with Honeylette Lamano
you are 29% similar
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Results are always so surprising :P. To join in on this similarminds fest [going on since last year!], click on the top link under links. woo


Now Playing: Jimmy Eat World - Hear You Me <3

I don't know what it is with me and being so interested in everyone and their reasoning. I think once somebody has something to be figured out about them, I get really into trying to put them together.. I guess I've always had this interest for psychological endeavors. I mean just recently, I started really getting into how Enza thinks and why, and where all these situations arise out of.. and it's super intriguing. Its happened before; someone just becomes so MYSTERIOUS and I get drawn in like a silly monkey... but I kinda like it. It gives me something to accomplish. The sad thing is, once I figure them out for myself... I lose that enigmatic interest in the person, and the relationship either gets comfortable and stagnant, or it dissolves as I move on. It's pretty harsh actually. I'm a pretty draining guy and whether or not it's a good thing, it's sure to help me if I'm ever to get out of skooling and get me a nice cushy psych job. Aiya... they say you become what you learn sometimes. I'll have to elaborate on this at some time or another. Remind me :]

Now Playing: Sarah McLaughlin - I Will Remember You

What a lovely day here in UC Riverside. Rain, clouds, a lot of mellow moods here lately.. last night I remembered why I love this damn place. The people are just too good :). Slackers would be so proud of me, I got the folks here started on anime :P, starting with some Rizelmine and introducing them to the phenomena that IS Ranma ½ :D. It's been approved! Seems everything rolls on smoothly around here whther or not every one is here, and that's great. I was hesitant to come back from home but.. I was just being lethargic. We stayed up til 4am, again.. I think we'll never get over this insomnia issue. woot

Heavy thinking these past days. I love intense critical thinking and it's been refreshing having my brain do some work. Skool isn't doing it for me right now. Glen and I seem to have become much closer these past few days, and it's... both very surprising and very kool. I think someone finally broke through to him. Took a while, heh. Glen is coming and we're all gonna get drunkkkkk... woohoo!


I get to stay home until Tuesday afternoon and I am loving eeevery second of it. I missed my huge TV. Total home complex..

Yesterday was simply fun. It felt like summer again for a day, we Enza Ashley Joey Jesse Brighton Glen and I went all around Los Angeles and went absolutely NUTS! Note to those who enjoy wearing clothes: Do not play Sex in the car. ever. Some people just loooove takin' it all off =] anywho, it was such a special day. Stores, sights, scenes, spotting JC Chazes with the UGLIEST FACIAL HAIR EVER at CPK, and just being our usual oddball selves. I think the whole 'let's ge massively wasted' thing didn't even try to pan itself out, but at least that... makes for future plans. 8-)

Stayed at Brighton's with Glen until like, 2am... doing our usual thing. Then Glen and I decided to trek around until 4am. Our choice stop? Cleveland High Skool. Maybe it was just the right place to be in order to talk or something. We may have been there the night before, but cmon... not the actual campus. I think we had one of our greatest conversations ever, and not just between Glen and I, but one of the best I've had PERIOD... that's saying something.

It's hard.. to realize how far things have come along in life. Look at everyone. We're liivng new lives with new people in new places and whatever the past was, is merely a figment of our life's tapestry. It's kind of hard to accept the fact that sop many small things from long ago have shaped and molded you into who you are, and even harder to accept that you couldn't control some of those things. I was so sad walking and talking... but so glad and mature at the same time.

I really missed having 'impactful' conversations, with anyone.. I don't get those often anymore. But I'm glad this one was with Glen. One of my closest friends. Once I go to a certain level of conversations with a person, everything changes.. and the bond becomes closer. And I'm totally right... you can't turn back after going so far. You're connected somehow, in some way, for the rest of your little lives. Ah... it's gonna be great being home.


Now Playing: nothin but my hyper hummin' :-)

wow. Today was the GREATEST day I have had since like... prom. <3333 School was usual business, til Enza and I had a very huge discussion about our differences. We didn't quite come to a conclusion but I think we both know what we need to work on so that we never have to go through these tiffs again. woo! It was after we all got together and left for THE VALLEY that my day just went beyond good and into amazing. ahh... home. So I rush out of Enza's place to get my haircut and I end up back at Cleveland.. and I started getting this nostalgic vibe right away.

I go through the back of the field and whoa - ALUMNI PARADE! I see Daniel Stone and we all freak the FUCK out. ^%$#@ and Michelle screams and everyone was just AHHH^%$@ Everyone embraces and hugs and kisses and then GELENA screams from far away and MOUNTS me and kisses me [heh, it's a usual thing now] and yeah. love love love. We all walk in the alumni section of the Homecoming parade and it was great. great great great and by this time, nothing has really happened and I'm already on a HUGE nostalgia high !^%$#@

People present, from what I gathered [and people I'm just krazy about]:

Daniel Stone, Michelle, Gelena, Alex, Korie, Keonna, Debbye, KC, Eric, Lee, Ruth, a BUNCH of other residential kiddies I forgot the names of [sorry folks], Kira, Rina!, Roel, Joe, Jose, Alana Bailey, Patra, Kay Anne [as I type this, I'm all freaky deeky], Enza, Ashley, Joey, Jesse, Brighton, Glen, Rodney, Justine, Cydney, Luis, Claire, Maddy, a crapload of dinky ass former-juniors, and I swear I just can't name them all. love love love overload. Greeted and hugged and loved every single one of them [or most... eh]

It was amazing... just surreal. Maybe I did what Brighton did and I didn't really get to just plain enjoy the high skool experience, til now that it's gone. I dunno... seeing the people, doing ALL the cheers, seeing everyone back.. home... was just too much. Even Patra said it; it was so much more than I ever expected. I saw old teachers, old friends, I saw part of where I grew up right before my eyes. We may not have won the game.. or gotten close, but that was the least of our concerns. We were all together again! Everyone must have looked happier than I can remember seeing them. Everyone was geniunely glad to see everyone else.. I just don't know how to handle all this joy at once. I really really don't. Unspoken bonds are what we have homies. We grew up and mattured together. We're college kiddies now! How fucking unreal it is sometimes. I told Dan Stone.. one way or another, we're all gonna be connected forever. I can feel it. Damnit.. my camera batteries died before I got pics of Stone, Mush, Brighton, etc... bah.

This really makes me look forward to winter break. hahah it isn't so far away guys! I'm already planning this shit out. I have SO many people to see and catch up with. haha Gelena are gonna go get married somewhere or other. It's ridiculous! I'm gonna have to be careful with my time during breakl I have a lot of ppl to keep close with. It'll be fun too, whomever I'm with. Phone calls to make, good times to think back on, and good times to create... this is such an ambitious plan. I'll be everywhere fools EVERYWHERE!

I think today has recharged my battery. I can handle anything; and I usually know this in th eback of my head, but we all need days where we can just be with everyone you love, and feel you can take on the world. I love UCR, but now, when I get sick of it all... I know I can get through it. It's hard for me to stay in any one place, but I can do it. Look at the world man... so many people in so many places, so many faces, and whether they're far or with you, they're there for you. I feel really blessed to have so many of you touch my life, that I really need to thank the Lord for it all. Without Him, we wouldn't be ANYthing. I can go back to school Sunday night and feel great.. and I can feel great knowing i have people everywhere that I care about, and they about me. haha... I don't get more positive than this fuck. Tomorrow, we go on a great excursion around LA - I don't even know who or what but it'll be amazing too. <3

One thing though... everytime the band would play... I kept looking for Matt, with his silly sax. :-) I love you guys. late


Michael Lockwood, also known as Crash Holly, died today at his best friend's house. They suspect suicide with a drug overdose. Holy shit. I knew the man... he was too young, TOO YOUNG. I feel so terrible right now.. I can't mourn his loss without thinking about how I should study. It can all go to hell. All my love goes to you and your family man... all my love I can't be at the damn computer right now.

Now Playing: Linkin Park - Numb / Runaway

This hasn't been a good couple of days. It's all just so repetitive and stupid. stupid stupid stupid. I feel bad for those so far from home because damn... it's giving me big issues being confined here all the damn time. I'm made to go out when I'm tired, I have very little alone time, I'm constantly made fucking fun of my people who supposedly joke about it, but behind every comment is an underlying tone of cynicality and mal intentions. Sick of it.

It's been a very trying time for all of us here, and I really need to get out of this environment before I implode. I won't overreact; things are seemingly okay. I just haven't felt this closed in in such a long time. The same people the same dorm the same clases the same things in lectures the sameness... is driving me towards frustration. Please don't get me wrong, I like everything.. but I am and always will be nomadic. I'm a wanderer in life. I've never been with the same people or the same place for more than a while.. and if I go past the limit, the familiarity begs to breed contempt for one another... fuck.

Ashley has imploded. I'm geting there and FAST. Enza has blown up at me, for the same cursed things. Being around one another has taken it's toll; it's time for a breather. I need more people around here. Suitemates or not, I need a change. I'm NOT downsizing the importance of how amazing the "college experience" has been. Fact is, the past few weeks and entries have been all about how I love it. But the fun is over now, and the "routine" has started. It's unhealthy and I'm gonna hate it if I don't think this through. Ashley left the room today about to cry, she feels the same stagnance just EATING away at her... damn. You know, I feel worse for her than I could ever feel for myself. I'm not about self-pity; I care more about pleasing everyone else before ever thinking about fixing my problems. That's unhealthy too... so I really don't know where to go from here.

I would have blogged my "blog of teh milleniumz" today but I had no time to write it. The first time it deleted, and now, I have a psych midterm. I'm pissy and easily irritated now.. so just bare with me; it'll come. Thing is, now I can put more into it, since I just feel so pent up inside... I don't have the capacity to eloquate my feelings like I used to. I can't wait to go home, HOME!!! Hopefully when it's all over, I can come back to this campus and feel like I can handle it without growing more cynical than I have already become. Let's hope...

theeseXayone: youre a good egg aaron
theeseXayone: i give thee my heart <3
Aerunation: :-[.....
Aerunation: we're boyfriend and girlfriend now
theeseXayone: if you can win this emo liberal's heart... you can find yourself a woman
Aerunation: :-)
Aerunation: lol
Aerunation: emo?
Aerunation: liberal?
Aerunation: you an iraqi sympathizer?
Aerunation: :-)
theeseXayone: yep
theeseXayone: ^_^
Aerunation: =-O
Aerunation: you don't think there goverment needed to be destroyed?
theeseXayone: and i hate bush, im for gay rights, against war, for welfare, and i hate elephants.
theeseXayone: oh, i do
theeseXayone: but to use 9/11 as an excuse to attack them is just that, an excuse
theeseXayone: and a bad one at that
theeseXayone: also, the foreign policy we have of butting into everyone elses business is only gonna cause more hostilities towards us, which means subsequent attacks aimed at us
theeseXayone: fuck... you turned me on demo-mode for a sec
Aerunation signed off at 12:45:09 AM.

bahahahahaha. too rich. See you tommorow homies. er.. later on today :-)


You got off very fucking lucky. I had written another huge blog, pretty much aimed to everyone, very big big big... or long. And it deleted.

But I mainly did it for cathartic purposes... so I guess it's alright. I GUESS. fuck. I feel better but now I feel... angry. I guess I can try again.


Now Playing: Our Lady Peace - Not Enough

RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!@@%^$^!#$#!%@ how fucking exciting. ^_^ Too many things happen in one day for me to recount. Too many pointless, yet meaningful things. I'm having the time of my life here... at UC Riverside... does that sound okay? haha. People give my skool too hard of a time. I love this place. Maybe it's the people or something. I've made SO many new good friends, and add to those people like Enz0r and Ash, and man.. what else can you really ask for? The most diverse UC!!.. that also helps. hehe.

It feels awful nice to know that the asian people I meet don't want to gut me. I met Greg's friend Eric with Enza at lunch, and he was so nice and weird... I dunno. I'll tell you right now, I've been stand-offish with asians since high skool. So finding those who aren't clique-exclusive is a nice change of pace. Come on now.. you'd feel mellow yellow too.

Last night, after hooka [huuuuka~!] we ate dinner, and it seems like we're already starting the process of finding where to live, and with whom, for next year. The greatest feeling is knowing that we don't just wanna split up after this year. Acceptance! Who doesn't want or love it.

You know though... I hope all of you away from home are having as great a time as myself. Nicole.. I hope you love every monent of SC, especially when you have clothes on. All I can hope is that everyone is alright, or if not.. that they soon will be. Hey! Why not come visit sometime.. I promise you won't be too bored. late

PS... today while I was sleeping, Marco, Habib and Joey raped me. They touched my butt and then poked it with pens, until I woke up screaming. Gotta love suitemates, neh? THEY WILL PAY!