SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: friends suffer when their friends suffer
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: its a fact of life
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: just make sure you dont suffer too much

werd. I'm gonna get through it all... somehow. We usually do. Thx Tim.

Can't sleep. One day he will crush me like no other... like no other. Then He will say... you could have tried harder.

Anyway I was reading Glen's blog, and fuck... I do not know how one can be so... errr. He's my friend and such but erg... 'blogs are for emotionally unstable people; xangas are for asians'. I guess I don't like being told what I already know, heh. Livejournals suck btw.

My convo with Peter on saturday is still in my mind, and probably will be for a while. I'm so scared and angry about everything lately. I made my mom cry too... damnit. One of these days karma will get at me for letting things build up in my head and NOT letting them out, and really, I'm so stupid. I should know by now (and YOU should know by now) that bottling things up is gonna turn things worse, and the end result is a tattered heart, and an embittered individual. Fuck me man.. I can't even let out simple things without feeling disjointed. Why do my days go by smoothly and happy, yet I feel so terrible once I sit down and try to make sense of my life? You're gonna destroy what you helped cultivate one day... you will destroy me.

Had a good talk w/ Peter earlier. That boy is one interesting case study.. let's leave it at that. haha. He's scary and amazing. I love u man!

I am very very very very bored.. I guess I should stop playing cube and actually get some popart done? In this state of boredom I have h4x3d into finding several sn's (including those of Peter, Tim, and Michelle), and uh.. funny stuff homiez. Gonna sleep. I KNOW UR SN'S!

Meteora is growing fast on me. <3 Linkin Park.

BabixsiLLy23: dude luis u rock
theeseXayone: i do? wtf since when
BabixsiLLy23: um forever?
BabixsiLLy23: u make me understand it SO much better

OoPeek A Boo11: *ahem* you know wut you need to do

k so I blog once more! Today was very good. Surprisingly good. In fact the past few days have been very nice. I LOVE art class.. I had a great time just hanging out. LOVE! Sometimes all this happiness and good feeling just takes my hand and thrusts me into forgetting all my problems.. ahhhhh. Love ya bastard! Anyway I'm kinda concerned - my homie was crying hardcore today on his chest and I got totally freaked - she never cries =[. Gosh this college shit is really getting to people - I mean... lives are changing as we speak! I don't wanna deal with this shit. I guess Imma go to Riverside and whatever... =/

Honestly, today I realized, I really don't have any problems going on at the magnitude where I fall in a spiral of depression, I feel really grown up. Eh, it could be because or any reason, but I'm really enjoying life right now, and all I focuz on now is in trying to get the most out of my friendships before... time comes, ya know? Some people will never have time for me, I've admitted to myself, so I will give those who WANT and deserve my attention, all that I can give. Sometimes I feel like, I want more... like a girlfriend or something, but what would the point be now? I'm leaving this place in a few months. I don't like commitment anyway - so whatever. This is exactly why I hate Matt and Jenny's eternal mushfest - I can't understand why they are so stuck on each other when there's so much time in the future for it. ANYWAY! I think this is enough for an entry while you take a break, right Michelle? Yeah... or course it isn't. ;-) adios

Hiee.. I forget to blog often as you can see. xD These past few days have been surprisingly well.. I only get headaches erry once in a while now, and I don't feel as banged up inside. Im still real upset over what happened to me a week ago, but whatever rite? Everyone's been so nice to me because of it.

Yesterday I ditched skool and went out with some of the guys, Peter An, Tim Chin, Glen and Steve Yun. Went to Denny's for breakfast and den went bowling at Canoga Bowl... and man did we kick ass or wut? I was on the verge of breaking a record with my awesome skills (haha) but the time limit came up and I was so mad! Everyone was such a good bowler (yes, everyone. shut up). Then we chilled at the mall, tried on clothes too, and damn can Tim and Pete take their freakin' time... we almost fell asleep waiting for you guys! We got bored after sitting around so we got Thai food, and eventually I had to come back to skool for 6th period since Jenny was taking me to her house. I'm realreal glad I hung out with the guys, and I realized that I can have a good time anywherez as long as I have my friends with me. Tim is excessively nice. Steve can be serious but is kool. Glen can be extremely annoying (polo for your car Pete?). Peter An is of course one of the koolest friends I've ever had. We had good times, and we alwayz do man! Let's ditch again soon bro xD

Anywho, that afternoon me, Meg, Matt, Jenny and her parents went to open house. Since Matt was gonna perform and Jenny's folks were gonna talk to teachers, Meg and I walked around and saw everybody. No really, almost everybody. Meg and I pretended that she was my mom and we went to some of my teachers. hahaha man Linn and Giffy were so drunk that Linn and I had a shoving fight and Giffy was super pink. Barkataki thought we were the funniest people for the gag we played. I'm getting an A in AP LIT! Ms. Miller played along real well, saying that I deserved a beating for being such a terrible student. ._. OH, and Nicole tried to kick me several times pretending to be dancing. Sure buddy. So afterwards we go back to Jenny's house and go eat In n Out and see a Steve Martin movie. I ate alot and Matt wanted to STEAL MY FOOD so I officialy dislike him. =] I fall asleep sitting, which sucked but I'm so used to it (just look at me and Peter every day in Core).

Senior Breakfast was good I guess, I didn't like the food X/... I admit that all I went for was to see my friends perform. Peter An was total ganGsTa in his white suit man! I'm gonna borrow that one day. Jim looked spiffy too. Heck everyone did, even me! The performances were decent, and I say decent cuz... the speakers sucked ass. Michelle and Daniel wowed the crowd (go Mush!) and so did Molly and Parisa (w00t!). I did wish that I sat closer but whatever. Tim then drove me and some of the homiez to my house, I end up sucking ass at bowling (can you blame me.. fucking oily balls) and now I sit here tired and bored. =] Gosh I did so much... and it's only Friday. Hope Peter and Esther had a nice time sleeping at home... you bums.

Well this was a real long blog. I hope you people (or you person, heh) is happy. I refuse to blog so much again, it's been so long since I do diatrabical works, but I just don't feel like it anymore. Call me homies.. let's go hit up the town before our last 3 months together... run out.

The optimist looks to the sky, the realist looks to the ground. The person who can't let go looks back. The determined person... looks forward.

Today was very strange. Thankx to everybody for coming to me and showin' me support, I reallyreallyreally appreciate it from all of you. Thankx Peter for sitting w/ me and talkin' me through it too... I know you try so hard :D. I almost cried grrr... but anyway. Yes today was strange, I'm not used to ppl showing concern for me. I mean you don't expect these things man! Name somebody and they prolly came up to me. But really thankx everyone, I love you guys xD. You shall get a resemblance of my affection at the end of the year.. yay. I also talked to Jim after um... years? hahaha good times. I don't know how I feel cuz my head still hurts, but everyone seemed to make me relax a little... man. Anywayz our ism is gonna be awesome. Just know that... Peter and I will be fighting to the death for our presentation. How freakin' awesome neh? hahaha

My forehead's slowly peeling off... it's quite nasty. Anywho thankx again. My face aches. Time to burn cd's! bye.

o jimmay: you damn core student

I can't sleep. It's 7.25 am... bleh. These past few days haven't been the greatest, I still have these visuals in my head... my skin is peeling and stuff too... I just wanna be w/ my friends rite now. I dunno how I'm going to get through the next few days.

I got rejected from UCLA which isn't a big deal... cuz I didn't wanna go there. I just checked today and I was rejected from UC Irvine... which means I probably aint going to San Diego. I guess it's either Santa Cruz or Riverside for me. I don't understand why I didn't get in... I guess quotas were met or whatever, or perhaps I am not good enough. I'm not good enough at a lot of things so..

I wish Peter was here... or Nicole... or Meg.. or somebody, somebody. Imma try to sleep some more.

Been having recent good days. But whenever I think of it it hurts me... sucks when somebody has something going on, Lord knows what, and they decide to keep it all in... I've been there and still kind of AM there sometimes, but I haven't stopped trying... to let it all go.

I wish I could help, I wish you'd let me, cuz you did the same for me... but pushing things makes it worse. MAN, I wish you'd come to me.

I care so much sometimes, it scares me. I am SO overwhelmed by everything these past few days. I wish I could let it all go and cry, but I can't. I am scared of myself; I'm STILL NOT USED TO BEING PERSONAL OR EMOTIONAL, and it's killing me to feel so much. I used to be so stone-cold, and now I grow full of everything. I don't know how to process anything anymore without coming to a stop and almost... begging myself to cry. Emotions are so... hard to express... and deep down inside I know it's for the best to let them out rite? But it's so hard, and I know it's hard for you too!

What is it, am I chemically unbalanced? Manic depressive? Am I still so unstable that one day I'll be so happy, and the other I get so angry and upset that I just wanna hurt something? I hate myself for not knowing what to do, what to say, how to handle situations... now all I can do is pray pray pray, and ask why.... why am I so insignificant and why can't I ever be happy with the scraps of joy that you place upon my feet?

I asked God for a flower... He gave me a garden.
I asked for a tree... He gave me a forest.
I asked for a river... He gave me an ocean.
I asked for a friend... He gave me you.

Well today was a change from the usual shyte... man being in Art/Aesthetics makes me so happy xD. Already I feel that the upcoming weeks will be really good as opposed to the fucking crap I've been stuck in for the past 3 weeks. Pop art will be fun, just alotta work. I'm not gonna worry. Anywayz Peter was absent (basketball injury) and the funniest thing happened when Patra and I walked into Art..."Luuuiiiissss... why isn't he here?" "I derno... he's sleeping tho, I bet you anything.." "He's really annoying... but I MISS HIM!!" hahaha Patra is so kool. Hope u feel better you bum, we miss u can you not tell? This weekend was good, I spent saturday with Nic and it was soo0o0o fun. I'm telling you Nic HE IS TOAD!

I prayed last nite... after kind of putting off doing so erry nite, and I talked to Him and told Him what was bugging me, what I wanna do about it, and I prayed that whatever is bugging him will all be okay. Sometimes I think I hope too much... mebe cuz lack of sleep makes me think WAY more than I'd like. Wutever... senior ditch day is wednesday everyone, DO NOT GO TO CLASS! So I hope this entry appeases the masses whom have yelled at me for being lazy and not doing it like usual. You know if I got more comments like my Calvin n Hobbes one did, I'd do it more often... hahaha latez.

theeseXayone: man scary shit today
theeseXayone: i go into linns
X r E t 3 p: ?
theeseXayone: sit down
theeseXayone: and to my right
X r E t 3 p: death?

I wish I could cry. This is the cutest thing I've seen in a while. *sigh

Well these past few days have been really mentally exhausting.. I need to fucking relax and let things come to me sometimes. I'm just so concerned about what's in his head lately.. it's taking a toll on me since I care about how he feels ya know? Never been there so... it's weird. Bleh, the things I go through for friends.. whatev, everything turns out worth it in the end, I hope.

This month seems like it's gonna be a very emotionally driven month, as we all get our letters of acceptance/rejection from the colleges. I've had the weirdest bad mood these past few days, and just hearing about from colleges can make or break my state of mind. With that said haha... I GOT INTO UC SANTA CRUZ! It really lifted up my morale. Peter got into RIVERSIDE!!! Matt into both!!! ahhh... man I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so clueless about everything.

I need to do alot of scholarship work. I don't want to, and I don't wanna do it alone either.. hmmm. I'm very topsy turvy lately, I feel so many emotions these days, sometimes I ask God, what happened to the Luis that felt nothing... bah, not showing emotions is fucking stupid, good riddance to the old me. heh. I need motivation these days, inspiration, I hope I get through this month... I hope we ALL do. BLAH, and I asked myself earlier... who will actually stay in contact with me after high skool? I'm gonna think positive, and say about 6, or 5. Damnit. This month is krazy already. I wish I was in art... then we could hang out.