Now Playing: +/- - The Separation of Church and State

heyyyyyy don't hang me out to dry, I could be superhero material

this has been probably the most anxiety-cautious couple of weeks, ever. What does that mean? Simple simple, pimple: I feel that as such a monumental occasion as graduation looms in most of our futures, everyone is trying their damndest not to fight, to burn bridges, to ruin the experience. This extreme exercise is not doing us any good though. Now nothing is getting done, no action taking place, as we slowly walk down the grassy path to the future.

hm.

semi-relevant thought to previous post: I think the biggest reason why I go out and do crazy things and put myself out there and meet people is the rush.

I like the way it feels when my effort, which is such a HUGE effort, is reciprocated and welcomed. It feels like a second wind during a workout, like listening to beautiful music. It feels like Gai opening gates of life, pure crazy life energy.. heh. sorry for the anime reference. But it holds true. I guess I really am willing, to some extent, to suffer the crash and burn of a let-down, a door closing in my face, just for the possibility that things will work out if I work hard enough for them.

guess I just have to work harder.

Now Playing: The Appleseed Cast - Here We Are (Family in the Hallways)

you can't break us down!

Pushing myself, forcing myself to act on behalf of my gut feelings, is the most reliable - and satisfying - way for me to learn and experience new things. I wouldn't know what I know, who I know, how much I know, live what I have lived, if it weren't for that push.

Unfortunately today.. i dunno.. I feel like I can't really do it today, or much lately. I feel a wall that, despite my heritage, I just can't hop over, heh. Am I the only one putting their guard down? How else do people learn and LIVE if they keep their walls up, letting in only the safe and familiar? Or is it that it's week fuckin 8 out of our COLLEGE CAREER and the doors for relationships are closed?

I'd like to know. Maybe things don't seem so disappointing when they don't work out if you keep guarded? Maybe life is better when it's safer? I sure do wanna know. Is the way I live my life too open to bad business? Did the introverted kids figure out life faster than me and the rest of the kids?

whatever. I just don't like feeling that playing it safe is the way to go. fuck safe. My life has never been safe. I aint about to start now.

Now Playing: laughter, cuz hien is hilarious

these past few nights I have become best friends with Conan O'Brien, he is a fuckin riot! The lack of sleep though, is no riot. I've been workin on two term papers these past few weeks, and I am about to die. Currently am 65% on the second paper.

Currently helping to keep me awake are sean and hien, one showing me awful videos on youtube and the other giving me her life story (guess who's doing what!).. real random but real good stuff.

Life is zeroing in on graduation and I don't like it. After this paper, I will be done with college homework, forever. I kinda don't dig that. I also don't dig that life really is reminding me that after July I am outta here. I've recently met NEW people, and you know me and new people... it's killing me that I can't get to know folks sometimes. effin a. What can I guy do except fight against the current his whole life?

I think this newfound confidence about myself and the world is permanent. Scary, heavy, but sort of affirming and I think, can only bring forth bigger things.

I wonder what this kind of experience would be for someone with a different personality. Are enlightening experiences universal? Guess right now that's irrelevant.

Things are calming down now. But yeah.. my eyes feel heavy, but so, so open.

Human beings are fucking crazy awesome and THAT, is a fact. adios.

Now Playing: Akeboshi - Wind

today feels like yesterday extended itself.

I learned something very interesting, something I'm still piecing together (and will continue to do so). I learned that the world is intense, and all my fantasies of how human beings are behind closed doors are true. Things happen, they really really do. I think it's served to show me firsthand how real life, and everyone within it, is. I have been permanently disinhibited.

Now Playing: some song.. I dunno?

MTV Canada has decided to show the world precisely what happens when you smoke marijuana.

and it's pretty fucking hilarious!!! Best part being the guy in the back, more repulsed at the brother part than anything else. oh drugss.