Now Playing: The Flaming Lips - One More Robot

on the 25th was my bright one's special special day :)

I love you bright eyes :DDDDDD I canNNOT WAIT to see you again

today is my roomie izzy's special awful day

he's the greatest you guys, even if he attacks me with knives, spills water on my floor and is mad at me for not writing about him in my journal. hahahaha. 20!!!!

I seriously suggest everyone click here for probably the best poem I have EVER read, ever. ever. If you knew the reason for why he wrote it that way.. you'd get it ;D.

Anyway skool is almost up, and I swear, soon, someday, I will post this huge log to make up for this quarters lack of, and I'll answer those blog questions I posted a long time ago [i swear]. Gimme some time to finish this bullshit up I call winter quarter and we'll see how great it will have been to wait for me. :)


Now Playing: Jimmy Eat World - Just Tonight

so the week is going on super nicely. Gonna start second psych paper ASAP, I promise.

whether it's

Cuz and me at coffeehouse
Blair and I slowly becoming much more aquainted
Christina coming over
she ash izzy and I at a white people restaurant
or watching napoleon dynamite in a big ol group

I can't really complain about the last few days. Except for you know.. all the imperfections that make life so entertaining :]. Wish me luck for saturday guys. I have a big fat manipulative obstacle before me and I need to kick it in the shankles!


Now Playing: The Velvet Teen - Heaven

I don't know what made my day today.

Ashley and me walking in the rain sharing an umbrella
Blair telling me he was spying on me at Denny's
Izzy going with Bryan and Jay to KMart
Jesse and Ashley and our caca stick and all kinds of love
Matt saying like the nicest thing without thinking it
Jenny making me amazing paint drawings

I dunno. But with a month left of this school madness, I really need to get back to WRITING! WHat the fucken fuck, I haven't done so all quarter. Busyness my ass.. I must maketh time


Now Playing: cd playaaaaa

I are currently in the lovely Science Library here, almost done with my first EVER APA style psychology research paper =). Yep.. one more section guys. Be proud! This is tedious and difficult! Anyway, I breifly got on one of the computers here [as mine is about to equal my relationship with life [tattered, and it breaks sometimes, but it always works out somehow]. hahehehe.

So I check my mail and I got an email from my favorite TA EVER, Mike from psych 11. Michael!!!! Took him long enough to reply ot my last email, eh. In it he pretty much proves to me that all people in our decorated psych department are gossip whores. We had just taken our psych midterm this past monday, and when I walked out [first one to walk out], I told one of the TAs that it was way too short and too easy. So I walk away. Now today Mike tells me how everyone knows what I said, him included, and now I'm probably going to get my ass handed to me on the next exam for my retarded comment =D. Good times.

didn't mean to write so much.. I just thought that was funny

anyway since I'm here, and I feel like taking me a little break, let me catch you up on life around these parts.

While this quarter has kept me quite busy and hectic, it's been a really.. productive one. Last quarter was too, but in totally different ways. This quarter, I have fallen for people, one by one, and it's sad.. cuz thinks it's cute, I think it makes me weak and emo-gloomy. I've partied, talked, and done alot of work, yet I haven't had much time to just... think. With the world spinning around me, putas banning me from places on campus, and me on my road to potential RA-ship, I just haven't made time to be like oh, this is where I am, and wow it's.. different.

sucks sometimes, no? I can't reach that mental and social balance I crave. eh well. I like where I am at the moment. Sometimes. You know what we gotta do though?

We gotta climb all the way up to that C bastard mountain, man. That's.. what I wanna do. bye


for the second time in 5 months, my laptop hard disk is just about fried. what the motherfucker fuck, eh? So yeah. It'll all be gone. again :( so those waiting for me to reply to their comments, you'll have to wait. Man this had to happen on the busiest week of the quarter so far.. great. Guys, we should all chip in and get me a decent laptop. I wish I were kidding. sigh


Now Playing: Hoobastank - Remember Me?

totally stealing this from a ucr lj dude:

[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you.

[02] I will then tell you what song/BAND reminds me of you.

[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.

[04] Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.

[05] Put this in your journal.



Now Playing: The Velvet Teen - Mother of Love

I just realized as I read your letters I just got, that I've been so busy.. with classes and homeworks volunteering and studies, that I totally skipped over my feelings. I thought I was doing awesome, cuz I WAS BUSY! That's what I needed! Part of me is completely satisfied..

yet as you so poetically put it, I have a crush! More like, a plethora of them. And I ached a little inside as I read your words, all of them reminding me that everything catches up with me. Somehow I skip over my feelings sometimes in order to get things done. I think I did it on purpose this time, yet still unconsciously, as to not swamp myself with the excess baggage of holding feelings for someone.

Ironically today I popped in my fall quarter cd. Awkward. Cuz pointed one out, and I still feel strange about it. I admitted to another, and I guess I'm bad at subtly. Who knew? Maybe that's a good thing. You're so right.

I adore the secrecy one has with themselves when around that one somebody. I love that.. it's feelings like these and TIMES LIKE THESE, that you just CAN'T deny your heart of what it wants. Kidding yourself just delays the inevitability of wanting to hold hands.. to talk for hours.. and synchronize in every way possible. I'm such a sap, SUCH A SAP. Yet I HATE it, I HATE wanting, I hate the unrequitedness, I hate showing myself how willing I have now become to giving people total control of me.

Today we learned the difference between illusion and delusion. And it's totally.. fine.. that I can be delusional, and go beyond the constrictions of reality and just daydream. We're allowed to dream, right? To go past reason itself and enjoy what you want so bad, if only in your mind, with eyes closed.

I'm sad now. But it's a healthy awesome amazing sadness. Thank God I can still feel.

and he's still a boy..
so he.. should just forget

"Dear Luis won't you learn to fall in love. It is the most noble pursuit."
- Brighton's first letter