Now Playing: Sigur Ros - Vidrar Vel Til Loftarasa

The journey led us all to split up, and find the right way there. Cuz and I decided to try the steeper pass, stepping through dangerous muddy terrain. Izzy went the other way. It was pretty astounding, how high up we were from him, and how far away we were from one another at that moment.

"You're going the wrong way!" he'd say, his voice carrying over in a slight delay. Eventually, we met higher up and took a breif look back at where he had been.

I think we all decided to go on this expedition for different reasons. I can't speak for cuz, who for all intents and purposes is the person most like and most different from me in life, or Izzy, who will always follow a code I can never truly deciper. Me.. I needed to get up there. Go all the way up, and not let the height, or the mud, or lack of sun from getting to me. Eventually we were all traveling three completely different paths.

It was amazingly quiet, on the way there. Even as we neared the top, I think we were all absorbing the environment and maybe.. doing a little Petrarching? I don't know. It was hard, but it was alot of fun too. Had to get up there.. had to get up there

Last time, I made all these plans, I wanted so many things, and I didn't make it to where I wanted to be.. with myself, with people, within my life. But that didn't mean I was defeated. I was given a reality check. Now, I became better prepared. I applied myself. I went against the odds, and climbed and climbed until.. I made it. I was sweating, breathing through my mouth, hair in my eyes, and all I could see was grass cover my body, mud on my shoes, until I look up, see cuz smile and run upwards..

oh God. Thank you God. I made it. And it was beautiful, and I could feel myself want to cry.. but I was too excited and enthralled in the moment

This quarter was the busiest quarter of my college career. But I wanted it that way. I may have had to lax on my social life and the parties.. but it was worth it. I became so much.. more, this quarter. I'm a STAFF alternate. An Emerging Leader. ASPB volunteer. A little older, not sure about wiser, but more experienced. My relationships, or those most important to me, began to blossom. I fell for a girl and got crushed, and it sucked.. but that's really okay. I feel so accomplished up to this point. I made it to where I wanted to be.

The view from here takes me for a spin. I had to tell everyone, call everyone, text everyone, tell them I finally made it! But who knew college kids wouldn't be awake at 9am? I like how this whole entry, much like it's predecessor, has the whole double meaning thing going for it again. haha. In my journal I asked myself, where do I go from here? Is this the end?

No and it shouldn't be. You just keep going. Things will never be simple or have the face validity you wish were true. So you keep going. There's still so much more for me to get to and experience, this can't be the end. Hell, cuz went all the way to the top peak of Box Springs Mountain, she SHOWED ME there's more to go. I like where I am, atop this hill of successes and failures. But I can't stop here. So off I go, back down. I'll be back someday.

Thank goodness though, I know I will never be alone, when I go off to explore the scary infinite.


Now Playing: Ben Folds - Still Fighting It

They're dating.

And maybe that's a good thing. A great thing. I always liked using the term that the concept of love was.. a battlefield. I never liked it. I guess it isn't for me anyway right? I should be about the studying, and the socializing, and not bother with these feelings.. of wanting companionship

I didn't ask for any of this, but that's the way some things go. Whatever. I'm gonna get over it. I was this close to telling her, ya know.. and I don't.. develop feelings just for anyone. But it's okay, it really is. I'm just gonna drop the subject. I have so much else to focus on, I guess, so I'll be a-okay, and still crack my jokes, and do my thing..

..But yeah. Even I get lonely sometimes. This was probably that reminder, that even the great supposed ''extrovert'' feels alone. But okay enough of this bullshit, I'm going to climb to the fucking top of UCR's Box Spring Mountain, take my goddamn journal, and just let it all flow through me atop the windy passes of the big yellow C. This situaiton of mine is unfortunate aint it


Now Playing: Death Cab for Cutie - Pictures in an Exhibition

poioloco222: it'll be fine
poioloco222: just remember to relax during the thing because somewhere inside, we know this shit.
theeseXayone: aww, you really think so
poioloco222: somewhere deep deep inside
theeseXayone: thats really encouraging.. do you use that on all your friends
poioloco222: i use the deep inside thing with the lady
theeseXayone: hmm.. cute
theeseXayone: i should either be flattered or confused then
theeseXayone: haha
poioloco222: i'm going to go find it
poioloco222: if ya know what i mean

just a few days left, a few a few.. i hate this final madness


Now Playing: Juanes - Es Por Ti


You're one of the greatest friends I have here in Riverside, and I don't know how to really eloquate that into words. All I can do is remember how much fun we've had together, every dumb and fun moment, and I hope you come back soon. You deserve everything ever that's great and awesome =). Ah I remember last year, breaking your weed hymen.. *tear. You rock. Now you're.. OLD! 20! Jesus Christ. We're all going to be adults very soon. hell. But I guess that's also a good thing.. it means we're all growing old.. together.


Now Playing: Ozma - Restart

great song. awkward times.

oboe2damax: i hate women
oboe2damax: cant they break up by themselves?

too much is happening and I can't sit my ass down to just ... breathe


Now Playing: The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

this song is so winter quarter 2004. :)

Alright, super brief update:

- Ashley Tone and Izzy got STAFF JOBS!!!! HAHAHA!!!!! YAY! She's an RA, he a PC. booya putas. Ashley Brackins and I were given alternate staff positions. Which is still good, because alot of current STAFFies have told me that they were alts at the start.. and now look at em, in their... reslife glory. Good times. Won't celebrate yet :D More to come on that

- I am beyond crush. It's called romantic feelings :(

- I am .. excelling.

- Botanical Gardens, trip to the C, drugs sex and rock n ROLL.. these last two weeks will be gooda shiz, they will!! SO back I go to my second psych paper. Cal me! Find me! Limited time only, I'm around while supplies last, G


Now Playing: Alicia Keys - You Don't Know My Name

awww man my little ham-ham is dead. =(

Well always remember the never-ending squeaks of her hamster wheel as she went krazy on it, every night. And how fat she'd get, and then fluxuate and become super thin. And.. when my sister almost killed her. It looks like nature beat her to it. This sucks.


Now Playing: The Velvet Teen - Sartre Ringo

week 9 guys, week 9. Gonna finish strong.

I aced my microecon midterm, outscording Mr Jamieson ahahaha.. that was fun. Alot of things are fun times. But things are coming to a close. I won't have ANY class with Blair or Ashley next quarter :(.. that fuckin suuuucks. No it REALLY DOES

so its just a matter of time before my most hectic and difficuly quarter comes to a close. Don't know what to think of it. We're all in different places so it seems it was the best thing for me to do, to keep myself immensly busy and just work on bringing my GPA back to amazing, even if at the expense of partying.

I'm gonna climb UCR mountain once finals are over. And Imma go early, so I can find the way to get all the way up, and then just... sit there and finally sort out so many things fluttering around in my head. It'll be fun times.

Man.. no class with Ashley or Blair or .. do you realize what this means??