I've made lots of cd's. Now... I'm gonna make a new one. Songs we listened to throughout 12th grade :]. Well... maybe just me and my crew. There's a lot of songs I went through on my own, so those won't be here. Just songs we all sang to while in the car.. or bored... or anything. Here's your turn to help a brother out 8-)

The days keep getting shorter, and so does the amount of food I can contain. UCR food is gonna kill me at the old age of 19, just watch. Anyway, today was alright, not too much to really think about... and I kind of don't like posting things when I don't have something to build upon it, but eh. There was a Cleveland reunion of sorts today... kind of weird. Seemed like we were all walking back to our homes in Pentland when Ash and I bumped into Tim and Arthur. I haven't seen them for more than 30 seconds in such a long time! Then Enza came, like right afterwards. Then Jane. ahhh... <333 I dunno, it was nice to see all these familiar faces together again, if only for a few minutes. It made me think for a while, as to how we're all nicely branching apart... I kinda like it. Growth. Thing is, I never really see Tim or Arthur anymore. But it's quite alrite.. everything's too mellow and good to really do anymore thinking.. about anything. For now.

Oh, and Nic... I'll blog more. I promise. :). and OMG. Ariel... to make up for not sending a letter back sooner, I hereby ask for your hand in marriage. I will have your children. That's right! I will have them FOR you. I don't know how, but you won't have to deal with the whole pregnancy thing. I'll do it. <3

There's some songs that take me back to different times, to the past... it's all so beautiful. I guess some songs hold historical value. We all go through those phases where we listen to only certain bands and certain songs. Sometimes, it's just a matter of chance what you listen to, and when. I've been around the block here, and there have been events in my life that just drove me to places I had never been to. There was usually a few songs in the background for each of those moments. It fills me up with such happiness, to have these songs like Warning Sign and In My Place, to remind me of everything. Yeah, I enjoy looking back. But that gets irritating. What I like even more is... listening back.

You have no idea how significant this post is for me. I've been obsessed with the concept of musical influence since high skool. I finally found the way to put it into words, sort of. There's some songs like Not Enough that remind me of the end of 11th grade. That was my year man. My tears. Whenever I listen to all these different genres and sngs and bands, I drift away. My life can be defined in eras through my musical tastes. I used to be big on gangster rap. heh.

Everytime I come across them I have to stop and bask in the time it reminds me of, and the people that come along with it. Hearing Ranma brings me back to me and Matt. Wow... we used to be like brothers. haha... hassling Peter An to get us more. Some remind me of specific people, not necessarily events. I listen to Lonesome Tears and all that comes to my head is Glen. Only Hope reminds me of Meg. We Never Change by Coldplay is just one song that reminds me of ... yeah. Everything. They're all so significant to me that I can't handle it sometimes. It becomes too much, to carry such MEANING into just listening to the music. It can be nice to revisit. But it's also unhealthy, when all that comes up are the songs you listened to when you were down and completely out. Man.. I could do this for hours.

just woke up 00;.. midterm at 12.40 here I come!

You know, for being as happy as I've been, people sure do bitch about it alot. I think my cue is to be miserable so people can shut the fuck up about why I don't 'look' happy, since obviously BEING happy isn't enough.

Someone buy me a damn smiley face t-shirt.

Took part in my first psychology experiment today. It was very interesting and very disturbing, too. I'm part of a long-term experiment to test the long-term reactions to bad moments in your life; specifically, friendships or relationships gone bad. Surveys filled out and questions asked, the final part was where they sat me in a very small, dim room, and gave me paper and a pencil. I was given 8 minutes to go back in time and in detail, describe one of the saddest times in my life.

I thought it would be too simple to write about it. About what happened, who said what, how I felt, and how it had felt right after it happened. I chose one of the worst moments in recent memory, which i was supposed to have done and everything. I was set. But.. when I opened up the blue book and grabbed the pencil, I froze. Something was keeping me from letting the thoughts come out. I was so perplexed! I couldn't even begin a sentence without erasing that shit.

Maybe something's aren't good to revisit. I eventually started and tried my best to keep my mind focused on JUST recounting the times, and not on how it was making me feel. Why was it so hard to write down, let alone remember? The vivid images just started hitting me and I was very shaky once my 8 minutes were over. I didn't even get to finish. Now, I have tomorrow, Thursday, and November 18th to finish going back. Is this the reaction they wanted? I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna go back...

I'm indeed sick and very icky-feeling. But... Kill Bill = <33333.





love.

drinking = <3. byeeeeeee

Alright... I don't know what it is, but something is bugging the crap out of me. Usually, I love talking to people, especially when they need an ear, or just advice. It helps ME to help THEM. But I talked to Brighton for 4 hours last nite, and as much as it was great and I was happy... it didn't help me solve any of my terribly hidden issues like it should have. I learn new things everyday, which help put puzzle pieces together of my persona... but I'm stuck trying to figure my issues out without any sort of guidance. I have unresolved issues and it's really pissing the crap out of me that I can't resolve anything. I can't even resolve what issues are unresolved, or why I care about them. I'm irritated

Alright.. everyday just gets better here. Yes, here at UC Riverside ;P

Net wasn't working for me late last nite so I can't remember it all... but it went something like this: Enza, Greg and I go to dinner --> Enza, Ashley, Habib, Marco, Christian, Crystal, Reo [toyota~!] and a bunch of other ppls go down to the UNHL to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny Depp is sooo great. The movie ends halfway! fuckass, so we scram --> Ash, Enza and I get lost on the Riverside vborder thanks to Joey's BAD directions --> Balloon poppin' --> Ash, Joey, Marco, Habib and I have the worst/best conversation about everything EVER.. and now, I refuse to ever look at them again. ever.

I really love this place. The best suitemates I could ask for, the coolest friends, and food so terrible, I can't help but eat it. <3

The Time: 3.30am. The Place: my suite. The Situation: Greg, Enza and I were bored and hungry... so we go to Del Taco. bahaha. omg scary drunk fat women attacked us, I was so close to dying... ahhh. Love college. Oh yeah, I should go finish my English essay now. _._

Well uh... I zzzZZzz Ash and I had a poly sci essay due today, and worked on it yesterday... or was it today? We stayed up until 3am working on this damn thing. Then attempted to finish around 7am. Finishing time: 10.30, two hours before it was due. Now, it isn't that we've lost our core ways of knowing how to bullshit to the max, no no no. It's just that uh... uh. COLLEGE IS TOO DAMN WEIRD AND BORING THIS ESSAY WAS TOO COGNITIVE AND NOT FUN AT ALL. yeah

Past few days have been fun. Watched a lot of movies with the homies. We just saw Old Skool last nite with Enza, Ashley, Joey, Habib, and Marco. Then it was Resident Evil time and Marco decided to tell me who dies and who doesn't xD. American Beauty was then played upstairs since I let the boy borrow it and everyone was all teary eyed... ahh <3. Remind me to never stay up so long for an essay, let alone stall on it. Until the next essay that is, otay?

I'm feeling awesome... but I'm still in a HUGE flux. It's really irritating. I'd write about it but... I lost my damn journal. Maybe I should go draft it up somewhere. later

o_O

- Ariel, I'm done with our letter. I'll send it out ASAP
- Michelle date <33333
- need to work on goddamn essay with Ashley
- Joey is the smelly one... NOT ME!
- and Jesse is the scariest man ever. ever. byeeee

Home again. No other place feels as good when you're in it. None

Saw Brighton after a couple of months, God I love her. I LOVE YOU so I'll put up pics lata. Before then, Minjung Enza and I hung out and went to Chili's, where Min ATE MY SOUP^%$#^%$#@. yeah. I love my friends. I llllooooooovvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeee them even though they gimme headaches ;P. Our conversation in the car really pissed me off... because I hate giving out the wrong signals. Jesus, I always do that somehow... it's cost me quite a few relationships. bah. Enza always makes me feel a LITTLE better though ;P... ugh. It's like high skool won't DIE DIE DIE

On a lighter but sorta related note, I wrote to ya Glen. Then I ripped it up. We're gonna have to talk all of this shit out face to face, fool. It won't be pretty. ahhh... I had flashbacks to 11th grade. Not good, not good. I've sorted this out for myself homies, I know who I am and what I'm like and WHY... I think as long as it's clear for me, it should be all that matters. But then again... I always wanna please everybody, all at once. This is more an internal battle than an outside one. Introspection! It's all I ever do fools.. don't try to outdo the luis-analyzing that I do. You'd never be as right as I am.

I wish I could get back into the swing of this stuff.

Just to catch myself up, I need to...

- Send ALOT of mail
- Buy thingies
- Buy skool supplies
- Write to Ariel and Glen
- Become a huge slut
- Make myself unsick
- Go home... and see Brighton
- die

otay. That's the sum of it all. I feel so fluctulant. fuck

Loved being home, if only for a few days. I wanna go back!! ugh. Spent a lovely but all too short time with Nicole <3 Sunday, before Enza and I had a crazy ride back to UCR. It's very true.. there's no place like home. But now I'm bored, waiting for class... so I steal this long ass quizzy from Icky Nic, hopefully leaving it for you guys to take too. ^_^

1. FULL NAME: Luis H. Teran Jr.
2. NICKNAMES: Louie, Luissss, LJ, Lu, Lulu [ugh], Lupey [UGH], Grasshoppa [how old is THAT one].
3. EYES: black
4. Height: 5'10"-11"ish
5. HAIR: black
6. SIBLINGS: Eddie and Alondra.. er, Egga and Rebel
7. DO YOU LIKE TO SING IN THE SHOWER?: hahaha I sing everywhere
8. DO YOU LIKE TO SING ON THE TOILET?: ... except here
9. BIRTHDATE: 8.17.85
10. SIGN: Leo
11. ADDRESS: which one, home or UCR?
12. SEX: male
13. RIGHTY OR LEFTY: lefty
14. WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP?: You know, I kinda don't know anymore.
15. HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED?: on a test, yes ... in a relationship, no
17. DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: wish this answer was a yes [>(]

*******FAVORITE QUESTIONS*******
19. MOVIE: Devdas [!!!!!]
20. SONGS: Too many to even consider starting to name. =]
21. BAND/SINGER: Incubus, Our Lady Peace, Coldplay, Linkin Park, Staind, etc
22.TV SHOW: I Love Lucy, Family Guy, Friends, Boston Public, The Simpsons
23. ACTOR: Ben Affleck [sue me.]
24: ACTRESS: I derno... I really don't.
25. FOOD: In N Out, ANYTHING there <3
26. NUMBER: 7
27. CARTOON: Ranma
28. DISNEY CHARACTER: Stitch
29. COLOR: blue, but I've been mixing it up..

*******LOVE LIFE ETC*******
30. DO YOU PLAN ON HAVING CHILDREN?: hella ya [hahaha... hella]
31. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?: If I find the right person, no doubt
33. HOW OLD DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GET MARRIED?: I don't wanna be past 35 and not married, eh
34. WOULD YOU HAVE KIDS BEFORE MARRIAGE?: don't know
35. DO YOU HAVE A BF/GF?: :-[
36. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?: I guess I don't anymore.

*****EITHER-OR (PICK WHICH ONE YOU PREFER)
38. MUSIC/TV: music
39. GUYS/GIRLS: girls
40. GREEN/BLUE: blue
41. PINK/PURPLE: purple
42. SUMMER/WINTER: winter
43. NIGHT/DAY: night
44. HANGIN OUT/CHILLIN: hanging out
45. DOPEY/FUNNY: funny

*******ALL ABOUT YOU*******
46. WEIRD SAYING YOU HAVE: drok!! hahahaha. "w00t w00t" and "You make me wanna die" are a few of my sayings
47. WHAT SCHOOL DO YOU GO TO?: UCR - the skool witht he crazy bagpipe playing bear
48. HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN DRUGS?: yep
49. WHAT'S A MAJOR TURN-ON FOR YOU?: lips. oh my goodness... =9*
50. HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE?: depends on the person and the mood
51. THE PERSON YOU KNOW WHO IS... : ...er? o_O
52. WHICH 5 PEOPLE ARE YOU OPEN WITH AND TRUST THE MOST?:
Nicole, Enza, Glen, Rody, and Michelle
53. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SOUL MATES?: we all have a better half.. that's how I feel
54. IS IT RIGHT TO FLIRT IF YOU HAVE A BF/GF?: flirting = fun
55. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU CRIED OR GOT TEARY EYED ABOUT?: them.
56. SOMETHING ABOUT GUYS/GIRLS YOU JUST HATE: liars
57. ARE YOU HAPPY?: usually ya.. but I have my swings
58. WHY?: because of circumstances I can't control and emotions that overcome me [bingo nic.]
59. WHAT'S AN OBJECT YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?: my foto album
60. LOVE OR LUST?: love, but lust is good too..
61. SILVER OR GOLD?: silver
62. DIAMOND OR PEARL?: diamond
63. SUNSET OR SUNRISE?: sunset
64. HAVE YOU EVER GONE SKINNY-DIPPING?: what do YOU think?
65. DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: no
66. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS?: eneh
67. WHAT COLOR UNDIES ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: shades of grey
68. WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?: Our Lady Peace - Sell My Soul
69. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER?: 9842
70. WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON?: Europe, or somewhere classy
71. WHOM DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH?: ... =T
72. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?: everything.
73. WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: usually, it's the simple things.. things yu don't really acknowledge, but love all the same. Huge events can also make you happy, but how many of those come along, eh?
75. WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU GONNA GET?: I only buy Linkin Park cd's, so... that
76. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS OR GLASSES?: glasses
77. WHAT'S THE BEST ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU?: "you've been through some hard shit... you can get through this too."
78. HAVE YOU EVER WON ANY SPECIAL AWARDS?: high school diploma? drama awards back in the day.. etc
79. WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE GOALS?: I dunno... I'm very aimless lately
81. DO YOU LIKE FUNNY OR SCARY MOVIES BETTER?: funny
82. ON THE PHONE OR IN PERSON?: person, ALWAYS in person
83. HUGS OR KISSES?: ...can't I choose both?
84. WHAT SONG SEEMS TO REFLECT YOU THE MOST?: Staind - So Far Away <333
85. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW- WHO WOULD YOU LEAVE EVERYTHING TO?: My mom, because I love her the most out of any and everyone
86. DO YOU HAVE ANY ENEMIES?: hahaha... hahahahaha
87. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR?: failure
89. WHAT TIME IS IT IN ALBANIA NOW?: er?
90. IF YOU HAD 24 HOURS LEFT TO LIVE, WHO WOULD YOU SPEND THAT TIME WITH?: everyone I love[d].
91. HAVE YOU MET SANTA?: yeah man, and I cried hardcore
92. IF E.T. KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR HOLDING UP A PEACE SIGN ASKING TO USE YOUR PHONE WHAT WOULD YOU DO?: teach him to say 'w00t w00t', so it can spread through the galaxies
93. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO THE PERSON YOU LIKED?: it's been a while...
94. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: siblings HAVE to count for this one
95. WHATS YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS?: ltera001@ucr.edu
96. LAST TIME YOU WERE DEPRESSED?: may, I think
97. ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC?: I drink, but I don't need it.
98. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?: Yanked it from Nicole
99. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT PERSON?: she's like my bestest buddy
100. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK?: dudes... I expect you to!!

Home. Never ever take it for granted again. <3333333333

I think Imma skip the mushy family love post and go towards wut we did today. Joe, Roel, Robby and I went to play tennis!!!!!! hahaha I should never ever be handed a racket. Joe the POT [Prince of Tennis] pretty much outclassed everyone, including Dictator Bonayon and myself. Seeing Roel run in franticity was sooo00o funny. hahahahaha. Oh and Joe pumping up his butt was NOT teh kool! Only makes me feel angry >:0. It was such a great time, I missed those fools so much. Glen [with dirty facial hair] came by and I got dropped off at home whilst they went to hang out with Enza. Mom made me my favorite meal and now I'm very pissy about leaving back to UCR tomorrow. eh well... I get to see Nic tomorrow <3 before Ashley, Enza and I head on back to the dinky desert. There's no place like home. *hugs floor*

Brdr123: you get reminded of stuff wtih out having to be reminded.

I gave in and I went through all of it - ALL of it - over again. And the old songs started playing and the memories all flooded into my head and damn. I can't believe I cried. Catharsis. This is what happens when I get enough time to myself. ugh

I don't think I've felt this good since uh... the boat. Matt matt matt... I'm glad we buried the nasty hatchet. Everything is so GREAT these days! I'm going back home, I'm with the best people EVER here at UCR, and now... Matt and I are homies again. What else could you freakin' ask for? Well... sleep... =T

I wrote them, and sent them. Change happens when you least expect it to. Sometimes, you're on top of the world and it crashes down... and sometimes, you need the change. Your life DEPENDS on it.

Some changes are subtle and build up over time. Some changes are drastic, leaving you scrambling to pick yourself up and adjust. I'm glad for all of the changes that have been sent towards me, because... each one has made me stronger.

It's about fucking time I just dropped em, dropped everything, dropped the grudges that mean nothing in the end. Nothing but opportunities to grow. I've found myself wiser, slowly. Dude, I'm in college.. I don't wanna worry about high skool shit ever again. It's about time we all changed, and stopped holding ANYthing inside of us that would in any way, disrupt our prosperity.

Happy Birthday to yOU~ haha. =] I was gonna post something that's really been bugging me lately.. but neh. Today is your day! Fuck pety problems... friends are what matter in this world. Well... that and sleep. Happy Birthday Michelle!

Well just one little thing ;). Today in English, my professor asked if anybody knew about postmodernism. I raised my hand, and stated how we studied how the Linguistic Turn started off the postmodern revolution. His response to what I said?

"Linguistic... Turn?" bahaha. Core elitism lives on!!!! I couldn't help myself. late

Hanging out with Ashley, Enza, Amanda, and Joey in my dorm rite now... at 1am.

college is crazy shit, man. Have to be in psych class by 9am... back to doing nothing!