Now Playing: Linkin Park - Numb / Runaway

This hasn't been a good couple of days. It's all just so repetitive and stupid. stupid stupid stupid. I feel bad for those so far from home because damn... it's giving me big issues being confined here all the damn time. I'm made to go out when I'm tired, I have very little alone time, I'm constantly made fucking fun of my people who supposedly joke about it, but behind every comment is an underlying tone of cynicality and mal intentions. Sick of it.

It's been a very trying time for all of us here, and I really need to get out of this environment before I implode. I won't overreact; things are seemingly okay. I just haven't felt this closed in in such a long time. The same people the same dorm the same clases the same things in lectures the sameness... is driving me towards frustration. Please don't get me wrong, I like everything.. but I am and always will be nomadic. I'm a wanderer in life. I've never been with the same people or the same place for more than a while.. and if I go past the limit, the familiarity begs to breed contempt for one another... fuck.

Ashley has imploded. I'm geting there and FAST. Enza has blown up at me, for the same cursed things. Being around one another has taken it's toll; it's time for a breather. I need more people around here. Suitemates or not, I need a change. I'm NOT downsizing the importance of how amazing the "college experience" has been. Fact is, the past few weeks and entries have been all about how I love it. But the fun is over now, and the "routine" has started. It's unhealthy and I'm gonna hate it if I don't think this through. Ashley left the room today about to cry, she feels the same stagnance just EATING away at her... damn. You know, I feel worse for her than I could ever feel for myself. I'm not about self-pity; I care more about pleasing everyone else before ever thinking about fixing my problems. That's unhealthy too... so I really don't know where to go from here.

I would have blogged my "blog of teh milleniumz" today but I had no time to write it. The first time it deleted, and now, I have a psych midterm. I'm pissy and easily irritated now.. so just bare with me; it'll come. Thing is, now I can put more into it, since I just feel so pent up inside... I don't have the capacity to eloquate my feelings like I used to. I can't wait to go home, HOME!!! Hopefully when it's all over, I can come back to this campus and feel like I can handle it without growing more cynical than I have already become. Let's hope...