Name ONE song you hate to admit you like:
hahah damn... Candy Girl - Jackson 5

Name TWO songs that can make you cry:
My Immortal - Evanescence
Reminiscence - Chrono Cross OST

Name THREE songs that turn you on:
Let's Get it On - Marvin Gaye [haha nicole]
Butterflies - Michael Jackson
Red Light Special - TLC

Name FOUR songs that always make you feel good:
Ain't No Mountain High - Marvin Gaye & Tami Terrell [sigh..]
Warning Sign - Coldplay
Aqueous Transmission - Incubus
A Praise Chorus - Jimmy Eat World

Name FIVE songs you couldn't ever do without:
Stay - Coal
The Scientist - Coldplay
Pushing Me Away - Linkin Park
Sell My Soul - Our Lady Peace
Beautiful Day - U2

...and just to finish off this survey-fest:

Luis is the #104 most common male name.
0.189% of men in the US are named Luis.
Around 231525 US men are named Luis!
Source: namestatistics.com


CPK. Lightning. Screaming. Sunset. me. m0m. good times. Shane McMahon is BACK, biotch.


Summer has been tremendously refreshing. Time alone is... preciouz. I'm not a loner don't get me wrong, but if you leave me alone for a while, everything just floods into my head, and I go at it. Everything becomes SO much clearer once you process it in for yourself. I can be too much for people to handle because of this... but whatever. I accept and hopefully it'll be the other way around too. Rest assured, if I'm not home blogging my butt off, I'm somewhere, just... being, and I enjoy every moment of it.

these are my words..
that i've never said before
i think i'm doing okay
and this is the smile..
that i've never shown before
somebody shake me cuz i
i must be sleeping..

I think music has alot to do with it. Old friend music! <3 I went to orientation on thursday til friday, and boy it was amazing. I'm a very dichotomous guy. I'll either be socially adept, or keep all to myself. I had the best time at UC Riverside, I met a LOT of awesome new people, got some numbers, other things... got some motivation too. Ashley was with me =]. I can't wait to fly. My experience was made even better having my cd player with me. Oh constant companion, faithful friend... I love you so much that I'm personifying you. haha. I made a good mix of tunes that help me to 'sort' myself, and I was rewarded. On my way home, it was very late, and I started feeling so upset for some reason. It finally hit me. High school is over, and I'm going to have to say goodbye, someday. wow. I'm 18 soon and eventually... I won't have you the way I do now. Or did.

inebriadet: ur so kawaii ^_^!!!



Thank you. I love you. ALWAYS.



thank you. hehe and I don't even have it yet :-p. good nite


Lazy Sundays make for some really kool realizations. I had woken up form resting after my run and found myself at home alone with my little brother. We find that FX is playing Ally McBeal [AMAZING show, damnit], so we watch intently. The thing is, Who's line is it anyway? was on at the same time on another station, so we decided to simultaneously watch. heh not ones to make up our minds, are we? It was the series of episodes where ultimately, Ally's life-long love Billy has a brain hemmorage, and he dies. Eh, show aside I started to realize how wound up we both were in what was happening. We let our emotions get capitvated by something which we hold dear to our hearts [serious drama], and we just about lost it. I still don't know how to really cry heh, but it was still heartbreaking to see what was going on. phew. Anyway, we were pretty torn up, especially since we've seen the whole show for years [thank you FOX~!]. Afterwards, we dedicated ourselves to watching Who's line, and we started dying on the floor laughing. I had my second realization: It happened again. We let our emotions be swayed ever so simply by somehting we love [comedy]. I think I'm in amazement right now as to how easily anything can twist our emotions and our mentalities. I don't wanna say that we pety human beings are easy to manipulate, or that we're very fickle emotionally [going from tears to cheers in a matter of minutes], but I do wanna say that it made me feel more than ever, that we are the masters of our destinies, and how we feel. Sure, things around us will alwayz be a circumstantial factor as to how we generally feel... but we alwayz have the power to change how we feel. Most notably, we have the power to give up power. Anybody can simply give in, to late night dramas or comedy shows or any form of distraction, and be taken away and be MADE to feel ANYTHING, accordingly. Fuck... isn't that kool? and yet... so scary?

ahhhh... back to watching tv. :-)


Sometimes doing nothing brings the greatest pleasures in life. I mean, we didn't do like... anything AT ALL, but today Slackers Ltd. had good times. I mean I didn't even drink [that much..woo] but it was fun just being well, slackers. Highlights include me fighting off 3 guys at once, m0m and I in a fight to the death for my keys, Arthur piss ass drunk, realizing that Roel's strength against me is miniscule, and Joe ABUSING OF MY BODY. Yes, you heard meh. Didn't do much of that thinking stuff today, and I'm glad. I think I saturate myself way too much in anything. It's either all fun or all seriousness, and this dichotomy gets annoying. But good times you guys. I accidently ate my sister's food... but eh, she was asleep. late


...and one day, I will have said everything I ever wanted to say to you. If issues stay aside... and that moment comes when I have said everything, hopefully, I'll still want to say more. Alwayz hesitant now but not pessimistic - not too hopeful, but still pragmatic - maybe we can get somewhere. heh it's like I speak to us both at once... the masses seem more right every time. Family Guy is on =]


You know it's summer when people ask you repeatedly to update... are we that bored guys?

Alot has happened, as you'd expect after a few days. m0m is back, brighton is gone, I'm running again, blah blah blah. Don't care for going the superficial "I'm gonna write everything I did with everyone ever since I last updated. ShoUT OutS to mY HoMieS!! no. Tired of doing it, although I don't think we can help ourselves sometimes. On the contrary, I've been far from the superficiality and drama that high school has almost indoctrinated us all with. Sucks, instead I've been well, thinking way too much. It's summer and I keep busy and I'm enjoying my freedom but STILL I think on and on about... things... ughh. I've been yelled at for it too. I think I'm easily amused and intrigued and yeah, I like to make sense of things. a WHOLE LOT. So it seems like everyday I'll do something totally awesome with the homies, but then I'm alone for JUST an instant and an immense thought/realization takes over my whole day, and I just indulge in the quest for knowledge man... yeah. It's ridiculous but it's me, and I like it [while it CAN be aggravating]. Man if it isn't one it's another, I get pointed at for... overanalyzing... over and over... err. Sorry guys. You know though once I'm done with a subject, it's gone - you know it. I kinda like the whole 'philosophical' persona I got going on... but now it's just excessive, and in the summer for fucks sake. Someone SLAP ME! *hands raise* whoa... no... chill... I can do this somehow. =]

Anyway all this psycho-babble coming out of my mouth has really sparked up conversations again, it's really... uh, satisfying. I need to know my limits I know... but still. I've been getting into good stuff with a lot of people, so at least I can't say I've become a slug so far this summer. With that said, I gotta say that I'm really proud of my writing lately. It's really helped put things in perspective, I guess. It's also reignited some connections yo! I love talking to every one of my pplz. Fuck if we all weren't so busy we could do something other than talk and do stupid shit, but eh... whatev. I love youz xD. Summer seems to have really awoken the thinker in people [heh irony], so I'm pretty glad that more people are blogging [AGAIN NIC!] and putting ideas out there. Don't stop yo... and I won't either. There's something about people speaking and asking questions that shows such vitality in people, and I fall for it all the way... ahh. Fuck, I'm gonna be a core teacher when I grow up. =T Anywayz I admit, if someone brings up a heavy ass topic, I'm gonna go in balls first as usual... but yes yes, no more analyzing things in 40 different ways. Even I get sick of reading THOSE kind of entries. However... don't expect me to be fakey dumb shit either. Noone knows what to expect out of anyone anymore... and I love it. Just realized something Jim pointed out to me... hmmm. You're not the only one who's said it to me, so now it's just weird... he and I are alike? Just reading his blog made me go >_< cuz well, we both get nasty random philosophical-ish... strange. Now I have more to think and talk about!!!!!!!!!! OH YEAHHHHH!!!! hahaha. leave one

fra IL deLUSION: I <3 you.
fra IL deLUSION: Like you have no idea.


hahahahahaha.... I got home from the mall around 9.30 last nite... and well I was blogging this but I fell asleep on my desk =]. Technically I'm late but not!!

July 11th, 1985. I hope you had an awesome day chal. I wrote some really great stuff [finally] in my journal before I dozed off and slept on the desk, too. Hopefully we'll re-unite once again, hippie. I know you try real hard at this stuff, and first thing you have to realize is, is that you can't compare yourself to others. It's easy chally! You just write, and write, and write... and suddenly, it all starts to make sense. I think the only one holding you back is yourself. Maybe it's afraid of going in too deep into subjects that hurt - but you know... if I can do it, you can do it and much much more. Keep writing, don't think that you can't make anything of it, and eventually you'll see... that you'll feel at a better place than you did before you wrote what you did. Make me proud salad.


"everything should be talked about. so talk up a storm, save the dancing for someone who cares. and trust me, i can dance."

Wanna dance? I think it'd be fun...

theeseXayone: i only have eyes and testosterone for you <3
Klevermonkey: and half of the other cleveland core population


Brdr123: ive g2g though talk 2 u laterz beyeee
theeseXayone: ~!!!!!!!!!
theeseXayone: hurry :-(
theeseXayone: and have fun :-)
Brdr123 signed off at 11:04:42 PM.

ugh. I'M GOING THROUGH OEDIPAL WITHDRAWALS!!!!! Man, that came out bad didn't it... eh. I miss you and your meloramatic angerness, m0mmy. Well... more like I miss having you with me and stuff. xD I remember when Eric [after McMillionism] told me that you and I are two of the most pleasant, yet difficult, people he's ever met. I'M MISERABLE WITHOUT ENZA!!!!! ugghhh... oedipal issues up the ass, man. Come back so we can mastermind something really overhyped and stupid... we can call it the re-awakening, or something overly dramatic like that. ;-) %$#@ WHERE IS MY WEED WHEN I WANT IT? late.


chrono imports: Yeah, for the most part. I discovered that it is not healthy to try and juggle too many things at once, otherwise you lose them all.

As if I'd ever forget you Chally :-). Thinking about you and then looking at how many thoughts I can lash out at once... makes me wanna focus on a lot of individual subjects, and go into further analysis of why I feel this way, that way, etc. I have more writing to do. Ugh... I feel like a pseudo-intellectual. On to more writing! xD

Where did I leave off... m? Oh yes. ranDom thouGhts... uuughhh... that sounds so dumbass-ish. eh well. This is dedicated to some delicate subject matter... due to the extremely personal nature of it all uh... try not to talk too much shit about it, otay? =]

- Out of all the end-of-high-school drama... and the ending result, I really have to admit... I only really miss Jenny.

Lemme put this out there for my own personal analysis. In my life, I have come across a lot of bullshit. Bluntly... I can sum up my tenure here in His world as perpetual disappointment. People have really let me down, and it's hurt.

I think being so used to... being let down in the end, really took me to the point where I felt nothing anymore. Hence when Peter and I stopped being friends, yeah it was shitty as hell for me... but my reactions to it were very different compared to say, how I would've reacted a year earlier. Call it maturity, or just being used to those closest to me leaving. Anyway, I was pretty numb to the idea that I had lost the person who really... helped me grow, in a lot of ways. Then Matt and I stop being friends too, and you know, you'd think I would have crushed into some sort of mess... but nah. I'm used to this crap, eh. Me not writing constantly about them or the stuff we used to do does NOT indicate that I don't care about em... or shit like that. Not at all. Those jerks really went loose on me, and well... I don't think I can forgive anybody that did such malicious shit to me. Fuck that man.

Err but then I think about Jenny... and I feel bad. An on-going issue was that I alwayz assumed that Jenny would get influenced by other people in her points of view. I mean when Matt was mad at me, so was she. Things like that just made me think ergh.. they're wayy inseparable sometimes. You know though, that's how it always turned out. I NEVER meant to say that she couldn't make up her own mind, that she was a follower, or something... I know her far too well to ever think such a thing. I love Flemmy. I liked flipping her upside down, and stuff. In the back of my head though [forgive me] I'm gonna think in the back of my mind... should I have told her that I never meant ot insult her in any way? Also I HAVE to consider the idea that she has disconnected from me because of her boyfriend. That's somewhat plausible, isn't it? But anyway it just sucks... and whatever. I finally sorted that in my head.

- In a similar note... I lost three of my best friends, a few weeks ago. I havn't broken down, or done anything EMOTIONAL~! over it... I think I'm growing up, or some shit. Last year, Tim Hsu stopped talking to me, and my instability at the time almost killed me. Whatever though... people grow. Each and every one of them though... I won't be forgetting. ever. Maybe I can write about Tim [crowd goes AHH!!!]... at some point.

- ANYWAY... m.

I'm not gonna pretend like I was all non-suffering and sad over the crap that went down. Hell with the Peter thing.. I was ready to go gangsta style on the whole fucking world. But you know...

I had Enza there, and she made me feel better. ALOT better. I'll never know why m0m, why you decided to be there for me when I really needed somebody... but you were there, and looking through our pictures... I really have to thank you again. You helped me grow a ton too, through insight, and showing that you care. Sometimes, I think to myself, honestly... would I have handled all of this shit as well as I have without you there with me? It's going to take me a very long time before I ever let someone in as much as I did someone like Pete.. but you know what... I'm willing to put all my trust into someone again, and it's gotta be you. Sometimes I make an ass of myself and misplace affection sometimes.. but I think we all do that, to an extent. I love ya Enza. Who knows? I might have had a reaction worse than any last year if you weren't there with me... everyday... making sure I was okay. <3

We've grown pretty close throughout the last year... I just wanna let you know I'm thankful as hell that I got you with me.

- Okay... when looking back at all of this at the end of it all.. I still don't know what to think about.. Meg. Uh-oh.. I might get more personal here :-/

I was reading the yearbook [!] and sigh... I'm confused as hell. I mean, I don't know where her head is in regards ot me, alot of times... does she talk to me to make it seem like she's fine with me? Does she hate me? Or the contrary? =[. Any and everything that happened at prom... I fully meant. I really wanna say I still do, but... I can't when Meg's been almost... bi-polar when it comes to me.

I mean I adore her immensly, I think I have ever since I met her too... but some shit was out of line, and really put me off of considering any sort of relationship with her. any. People would tell me... stay away from her right now... she's going crazy. Of course I didn't really listen did I, heh... you know, her being a part of the 'awakening' [ha, what a waste of net space that was] made me re-consider how I honestly felt about her. Could I honestly love someone who at any time, just snap on me and... say things in a negative context about me? I don't know. Again, I'm either way too forgiving, or not at all. I'm left confused since, I really don't know what to make of everything.

In retrospect though, I'm still crazy about Megz0r. I wish I could've seen Santa Cruz, so I could have decided on going there for college. I guess this is where I realize that some kinda of love are unconditional... and I'm still testing this theory out. I thought I loved my friends unconditionally... but then, I lose several of them. aigo~. In conclusion... Meg is one puzzle I don't think I'll ever fully... put together. But what do I know, eh?

Anyway, I really should find my journal. I had personal ish in there and I wanna write. alot. I really should contact Mush, too. bye


theeseXayone: my a/c isnt doing its job, man
Johnny Ludicris: you got a/c!?!?
Johnny Ludicris: I just put ice cubes in my mouth and blow

Gahhhh... I haven't even posted the other half to this experiment and I'm already tired of typing throughout the time I'm home. =[ ugh. Anyway I'm gonna spread em out over the next few days [years..] in an attempt to seem like, I can use my head to think erryday xD. I can! I can..

Two things to keep in mind about the next few random thoughts [uughhh]... one being, these were done right after stealing all of my m0m's yearbooks. Looking through the pages of... well, the last four years has not only made me remember a whole lot of stuff, but made me... spark some uncharted feelings about several people, feelings which well, I didn't really register as something I felt, more like... came by and didn't pay attention to.

Oh, the other thing is, I was veryvery stoneded so maybe that helps with the flow of how much I actually spill. ;-)

SkOol JunK... leave comments if you want. xD

Starting last wednesday, I decided that my head was in too many places, and I had wyayy too many thoughts I needed to sort out, at a time when it isn't necessary to do such a thing. But I'm an introspective and self-improving kinda guy, or whatever. So, I left notepad on for a while, and as I did errands for my folks, or kicked around my sibs, or talked on the fone, I would jot down any random thought [ugh... ranDom thoughts!] that came to my head, in an attempt to elaborate on it and try to make sense of it.

m0m alwayz says, everything makes perfect sense to me... but not the rest of the world. So Imma try to make stuff make sense for myself before anyone else. [selfish! ;-)] Wish me luck!

RanDom juNK... put separately to save room =]


Check out the new pics yo... it was hard deciding on only 25 to show off :-[. Each one is a story in it's own, I think. Anyway yeah, today was a day of big mental movements as I spent it rotting away with Brighton ;-). Gonna sleep, see what happens, and maybe blog someday. So many thoughts in the head... damn, isn't summer the time when we're allowed to NOT think? gah.


girly motif: don't feel like blogging no more

Auto response from theeseXayone: i found my 6th grade yrbook and realized i was a bitter little boy.. nicole, i made a big X across your face in it :-[

girly motif: i go eat now
girly motif: hahaha
girly motif: omg
girly motif: you dork
girly motif: it's ok
girly motif: i wondered why you still WENT to the school

tim hsu needs a comment box in his blog. big time@!

i heard about cary... i hope youre okay dude. =]

i'll be back with new pics and a huge blog or somehting.. don't kill me guys :-[