Jen <3, I haven't forgotten =) don't worry . . .

but ya know . . . seems that once summer rolls in, other people forget, everything, everyone . . . ugh, soul ache.

Summer is here . . . people are nowhere to be seen . . . this feels familiar.

I think it's just . . . err, I don't know. Without seeing all my friends on a regular basis, I start to notice what kept me going for so long when I was DEAD at school. School became such a habit, such a second home, only because of all of you.... my friends. Them. All of you. To add to matters, pending issues and circumstances are being left at a standstill, why? Because we can't see each other as often! Even if we don't speak as of weeks ago . . .

I'm leaving my infiniteprofile up as is for a good while, mainly because . . . I want some people to read it that haven't yet. You don't go some end of year emotional raging and let it go without those whom you care for reading it. I think I MAY be looking for a response from people, I mean who doesn't, but honestly, if I just knew you read it, I'd be fine and then be at full ease. Small things matter to people, we just hate to admit it. because if we admit it, we get stepped on. Well, here I am, it matters ot me, and I doubt I can be stepped on even more than I have been. That means . . . read it at least you cs lackie! ;-)

If you see anyone running up and down Reseda on a regular basis, you'll know who it is =[. Blastin' the music on my headphones, and running . . . maybe looking for unanswered questions to attain an answer to. Ya heard me. If I'm not out running, seeking, I'll be sleeping, or hangin' out with my people . . . just a matter of getting our asses up. Peace G

Emotion Sickness by Silverchair is STILL the best song you'll ever download. Take care, maybe I;ll see you soon. =]

My journal entry aint going anywhere...heh, it's the freakin' best thing I've written all week.

Today, as school shuts down and finals are OVER~!, I went to boba with Peter and Matt. Of course my bro p373 and I started jammin' to Jimmy Eat World and New Found Glory =D. I realized, gotta get my ass up and make people loosen up. Summer's here damnit, we all gotta hook it up ;-). The thing I said in core Tuesday, about how I hold people real close to my heart...

...is probably the hardest thing I've said since the thursday two weeks ago, and most likely the most honest one. Much <3 Peter, Juan, Jen, and eeeeveryone else I got close to me. PeTeR, duuuuuude... you rule.

phew. Best thing to say at the best time. Read it if you're interested =T

http://www.infiniteprofiles.com/showprofile.php?b=1&name=xljsexayx

A guy has to prioritize ya know =).

Lyrics:

Your words to me just a whisper
Your faces so unclear
I try to pay attention
Your words just disappear

'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the thing's I should have said

So I speak to you in riddles because
My words get in my way. I smoke the
whole thing to my head and feel it
wash away 'cause i don't take anymore
or this, I want to come apart.
I dig myself a little hole inside
your precious heart

'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

I am nothing more than a little boy inside
That cries out for attention
though I always try to hide
'Cause I talk to you like children,
Though I don't know how I feel
But I know I'll do the right thing
If the right thing is revealed

'Cause its always raining in my head
Forget all the things I should have said

Epiphany - Staind

You never expect what you see / experience next. You also forget, forget what you did feel and see. You also thank god, for everything and everyone he has placed in front of you. In a few days, I'll be doing more than that. Tim .... soon dude .... and everyone else, you better keep an eye out.

So ... how do I keep those connections on all cylinders? I need a fucking car, that's one thing. We made Mr. Yick leave the class, I wonder if he's ok .... hmm. Yay, we get to do 209819832 math assignments, are we ready?

Yeah, infinite profile will be personal journal, this be my musical outlet. Sorry d00d =P.

Star-Stealing Girl - Yasunori Mitsuda : Such a soft and lullaby like song. It made me feel so mellow, calm, at ease, depressed ....

....you can tell a song is good when it inspires emotions form your soul to come out and display themselves, through words, or body language, or tears ... like the song goes, I need music...to set me free, to let me bleed, I need music.

Ropes Course was awesome. And soooo is Caitlyn! w000

Just to add .... hmmm, I wonder, will I see much of you this summer? Anyone? =[ ...errrrrrr.

Peter, 'ic' isn't a word man. You can say so much more, say it =T !!! Bleh. Yo, you should read Jen's letter I wrote, or when I get to what you should read that is, err... Lyrics for today:


Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?

I sit locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence gets us nowhwere
Gets us nowhere way too fast

The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don't know how to listen
And let me make my decisions

'Cause I sit here locked
inside my head remembering everything you've said
The silence gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere too fast

All your insults and your curses make
me feel like I'm not a person
And I feel like I am nothing but
you made me so do something
'Cause I'm fucked up because you are
Need attention, attention you couldn't give

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you've said
This silence get us nowhere
Gets us nowhere way too fast

For You - Staind

Note to self: Risk everything ever achieved and attained from happiness, for one last shot at peace and self satisfaction. Peter, read your email damnit >:O

Distorted eyes, when everything is clearing dying ...

I don't know... wow, loss for words. I'm really upset, but... basically I think it all revolves around not ME, but YOU. I can sulk and be depressed, and walk on the other side of the room to leave you alone to gather yourself, but I really can't handle it. When it was done so, and all processed, this is just a repeat of a cycle that hurts even MORE now. I wish I could speak about it, but in there, it's all 'Watch this, reflect or DIE'. No time to actually BE personal, whether I'd like to be or not.

I almost cried for the second damn time this year, in six years, on thursday. Sitting where I do doesn't help at all, and just listening to such ... harsh realities unfold before me, it hurts all too much. I couldn't lift myself up off of my seat. But, I couldn't start to say why. I just ... I don't know anymore =(.

One thing holds me back, actually two. I don't know what's next, even though it's been told to me somewhat. I'm scared, so I speak and risk losing everything? Or do I not speak, and risk not knowing if it will help any? Core doesn't help much either, so restraining and demanding.

You know, with times like these when everyone is losing their sense of selves due to guilt and fatigue, and pain in my case, there's not much that words can do, is there. Unless your words can help fix somebody up for the better that is. What we all have to do is at LEAST confirm that we are THERE for one another, regardless of stupidity from one or insecurity of another, a good friend is one who makes it known where he / she is. "Close, but not yet." It still replays in my mind, along with so many more encouraging words. I hope they were all true, wish me luck there.

Escape defeat, it's all that matters to you ....

I hope Peter's back tommorow.