Now Playing: Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You

I really have to talk about this song. The guitar in his song, the intensity of the words and the increasing weight it puts on my heart, it just... oy. It's focused, secretive evocation of longing and sacrifice couldn't be more precise and piercing. It's truly a testament to what a single voice with an acoustic guitar can make you feel. I feel it.

Every once in a while, long while.. I like to take a really hot shower. I turn off all the lights completely, I sit down, and I let the water pelt my face and my body, and it takes me places. It puts me in a very intense place. I can't see anything, all I can do is feel, and think...

I like to think that as I sit there, all the thoughts that flood through my head slowly trickle down into the drain. I really like that intensity. This song is like that. One day I'm gonna find a way to play this song while I take my trip into the heatwave.

I get the same rush of life pressing on me when I sit outside on the grass looking at the stars, letting the music in my ears guide where I go.

alright this is wayyyyyy too thought-heavy. Gonna play some cubeage.

I'd swim across Lake Michigan
I'd sell my shoes
I'd give my body to be back again
In the rest of room

To be alone.. with you

You gave your body to the lonely
They took your clothes
You gave up a wife and a family
You gave your ghost

To be alone.. with me

To be alone with me you went up on a tree

I've never known a man who loved me


Now Playing: Rocky Votolato - Alabaster

like a breathe of fresh air :D

Been kinda thrown for a loop lately... so many questions popping in my face begging for answers.

What kind of questions are worth answering nowadays eh? Am I really supposed to take on every possible endeavor this late in the college life game? I feel like lately, I've been constantly focusing on the big questions, the big ideas about life and what's it all mean. But man, these past few weeks, I feel like a 5 year old who wants to play with the cool kids at the sandbox but doesn't know how to.

damn sandbox.. anyway

I recently ran across yet another 'Megaextrovert'. JESUS CHRIST I always get my social-strata-understandingness thrown sideways when I meet one of these people who just... feed on energy (in the good way, not the soul sucker way!). Truth is it is very much interesting to me, how there are people in the world - at this campus for specificity - that are like whoa, hey nice to meet ya let's talk. I like it..

..but I also see how people can be taken aback by such actions, and such people. Sorta unsettling to think that actions by us regs - your everyday crazy Extroverts - can totally propel everybody else into hiding. It sucks! How's a guy to know what's cool to do and say and what's bordercrazy?

I just wanna play with some of the new cool kids I know. bah

btw, Rocky Votolato. The guy has a magic to his music. Makes me wish I wasn't so terribly lazy about learning the geetar.


Now Playing: BEATING coughcough

layers and layers and layers and layers
unbearable beating, killllllllllling mee
beating me inwith life. life.

this is what life is really about, in an unbearable beating down to the pit of your soul experience.


Now Playing: HIGH


mother fccicking eagle.



Now Playing:


Now Playing: Badly Drawn Boy - All Possibilities

had a way crazy episode of the crazies today, and I'm pretty sure Maliha hates me for it =[

Today I got to see the Coming Out Monologues, and it was really interesting. More on that after some sleep.


Now Playing: Rilo Kiley - With Arms Outstretched

its 16 miles to the promise land..

its been a pretty nice couple of weeks here on the side of the river. Just uh.. herpahs a little too relaxing, which is already making my bones ache. I should really use the free time I'm getting to do things a good person would do: GRE study, read and practice that book Matt gave me on human energy, play naruto... maybe not so much that one =[

We've dusted off the old board here in the lab and played MASH last week, it was freakin hilarious. ahhh... I have to do more with what I have around here.

That noted, I'm trying realllll hard to keep up with my New Years Resolution (yeah, and it's April I know). It's sorta challenging ya know... to constantly try and outdo myself.

I've always figured that pushing myself out of my comfort zone is the best way to learn and live and grow prosperously... but recently.. I feel like a fucking 5 year old. Trying to get to know certain new people sorta.. is rather daunting. Weird, cuz I can only remember 2 other occasions where I just could not talk to someone. For those random strangers in Riverside, if you see a guy kick his feet around like a nervous little boy around people he thinks are cool.. you've just read his blog.



Now Playing: Hell on Wheels

Kurt Vonnegut, another life-altering stop in a core kids' rollercoaster through philosophical revelation, is dead.

goddamn. Who's left?

Now Playing: +/- - Fadeout

My final spring 2007 playlist is fucking great. Usually, every playlist I make I make around the start of a new quarter, and there's a very subtle theme throughout. This time around I was sorta conflicted about what to set the tone of life to. At certain points in the winter, I felt like I had to prepare for war ya know, take on the end with a headstrong attitude, but after spring break and whatnot.. my mindset has completely changed.

Now I feel like... like I should enjoy the ride, and make amends with what life has is and will be offering me. Resolution. This is my spring 2007:

note: I really really like to listen to musica in alphabetical order, so actually my playlist not only offers such an order, but it always... sorta seems to make sense that way. Here we go

+/- - Fadeout
The Album Leaf - Streamside
+/- - The Important Thing is to Love
Ambulance LTD - Arbuckle's Swan Song
The Appleseed Cast - Here We Are (Family in the Hallways)
The Arcade Fire - Keep the Car Running
Athlete - Trading Air
The Arcade Fire - Une Annee Sans Lumiere
Badly Drawn Boy - Swimming Pool
Belle & Sebastian - Mornington Crescent
Badly Drawn Boy - All Possibilities
Calexico - Smash
Charlie Brown THEME SONG!!!!! hahaha.. walking through campus with this makes me smile
Explosions in the Sky - So Long, Lonesome
Fielding - Judas
Morrissey - Dear God Please Help Me
Muse - Starlight
Ozma - Immigration Song (Flight of the Bootymechanic)
Red Sparowes - The Soundless Dawn Came Alive as Cities Began to Mark the Horizon
Reeve Oliver - Young and Dumb
Rilo Kiley - With Arms Outstretched
Rocky Votolato - Alabaster
Rogue Wave - California
Rocky Votolato - Goldfield
Secret Machines - 1,000 Seconds
The Shins - Phantom Limb
Sia - Breathe Me
The Shins - Red Rabbits
Silversun Pickups - Dream at Tempo 119
The Stills - It Takes Time
Sufjan Stevens - All The Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands
Tokyo Police Club - Be Good
The Velvet Teen - In a Steadman Spray
Sufjan Stevens - To Be Alone With You
The Velvet Teen - Around the Roller Rink

I dunno...


Now Playing: Sufjan Stevens - All The Trees In The Field Will Clap Their Hands

pretty big on Sufjan Stevens more than usual.

ahh man, I really have lagged on the whole blog thing. I feel like such a moron every couple of months sometimes, cuz pretty much everyday I have that feeling, or that stream of thought, where I really wish I were near a computer or a sheet of paper in order to better sort out the mess spilling from my head.

so . . . what's new?

On my side of the computer screen there is a-plenteh happening. Last quarter at UCR is sort of unreal actually. I've never had only two classes (and no philosophy classes :( !!!!) and an overall lax schedule. Told myself I'd take my butt to the gym more often, but that remains to be seen... sometime.. anyway, I sorta really like my weekly schedule, check it out stalker:

Monday: 12 - 1 Psyc 142, 1 - 4 lab + meeting
Tuesday: 12 - 1.30 Psyc 161, 2 - 7 lab
Wednesday: 10 - 11 142 disc, 12 - 1 Psyc 142, 1 - 2 161 disc
Thursday: 12 - 1.30 Psyc 161, 2 - 6 lab
Friday: 12 - 1 Psyc 142

yeah pretty sweet I should say 8-). I have to fit in Clark field study time every week but that really is no problem I think. And man, so far every discussion and class is pretty swank too. The Funder lab teaches Psyc 142, which is Industrial/Organization Psychology, a class I've been waiting for since I was a wee psych baby. Psyc 161 is Personality Development, taught by the revered Dr. Ross Parke, PSYCSTEIN!! ahh man.. you need to hear see and experience this man, he is Einstein with better hair and no tongue-sticking-out. I wanna be him when I'm old.

With so much more time to spend at my own discretion, already two weeks into school I've seen more folk than I did last quarter! hangage is so much fun hahaha. My goal is to really just... be with people, more than before. I FINALLY SAW ASHLEY AND PHIL AND SONDRAYA AFTER 3908 YEARS!!! I have no lab excuse really anymore, and cmon, last quarterness!!! Gotta keep my awesomeness up here. I wanna see new people too.. new people I never really got to hang out with, like people like Vinnie Burns, Yalie, and whatnot.. the extroversion could be intimidating, but gah I can't help myself x). That reminds me to email more people my schedule... will get on that sometime too.

If my steady stream of consciousness garbage is too much for you, then I suppose you haven't read this blog for the years it's been operational. Every couple of many months I have this purge spree (sorta fun I guess, but I'm sure those looking for consistency balk at my madness). Felt I should address that.

I feel in a very steady place in my life, which I've come to really appreciate. There is nothing quite like just hanging out in the lab for example, the crew playing Uno or MASH.. which reminds me of something else

Probably the biggest reason for my coolness of mind and soul is that I have great friends. Like jeha and mahu. I don't tell the people I love that I love them enough. Will get on that too.

hmm.. flow is slowing down.

alright, so to end this barrage of words and neurons exploding in my sky I'll be off, but not before... hmm... I'm thinking of giving this place a makeover. It's been about two years or so, and either I update the goddamn pics or I just start from scratch. Coding htmly css stuff is always fun. I think a makeover is definitely due at some point. I will also make it a definite point to blog at LEAST once a week as the quarter progresses and my undergraduate life here in Riverside winds to a wonderful close. I'm thinking a friday blog about... hot people, outside all the usual luis shenanagins. Yeah.. I already know who to write about first! And posting images of the objections of my affection will only make it more worth coming back to see who rocks me crazy right? Right? Yall into the whole guy talking about sexual things thing? I know Maliha isn't totally into it.. but we'll see who it goes.

Thanks for taking the goddamn time to read this, and I should really thank myself, for finally having the energy and lack of ridiculousness to click on the blog button and typing away. Its been a while. I won't do it again =). adios