Now Playing: Badly Drawn Boy - Life Turned Upside Down

Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday goodness everyone. I had a really awesome, nice and simple Christmas day with my family, and I loved it. I hope you guys did too. Definitely one to remember =)

now that my parents and sister have gone to bed, and my brother is scratching himself while messing around with his computer, I decided to get my computer to WORK. And I did. Then I checked Growl for my grades - Izzy, I'll call ya :D. Reorganized my music collection - all 15 gigs of it.

I updated my facebook, too [finally finally].. and I decided hey I'm bored. I'm going to add some albums to le facebook. I thought hey - let's do a retrospect on high school for once. I never look back anymore. Ever.

I got sadder and sadder, not because of what I was reminded of when I saw all these old pictures. I noticced that as time has gone by, I ad less and less pictures to upload in the first place. I realized it was sadness I was feling in my heart; it was a reminder that everything is different. That's what stopping to look back does. I also realized that I have some phone calls to make.

But it's all gravy. As 2005 ends.. well, as everything ends, there is always something awesome to look forward to. I didn't get to make my quarterly climb up the C this past fall.. a sign that I didn't give myself the time to reflect these past 3 months? Maybe, maybe not. Have a great rest of the year. I know I will.

Now Playing: Nick Drake - Bryter Layter

I haven't slept in my bed in two days. I must admit, even after the awesomeness of last night, I miss my retarded 40 dolla bed.

Finals week always brings out the mellow man in me. You can't tell because I talk alot and I study alot and am just... alot. But I'm more at ease now than I usually am.

Must be the air. I'm feeling adventurous. Personlogy.. here we come.

Now Playing: Death Cab for Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan

I AM THE SCIENCE LIBRARY. yessssss.

It's weird. These past few days have had me going through a lot more self-analysis than the last ten weeks combined. Guess it isn't so funny, since I didn't give myself that kind of attention the last 3 months. oh well.

Friday I got to hang out with Mike and talk about alot of stuff before he packs up his stuff and is off to his dream job in the OC. I think Mike is super awesome because he's so easy-going and enjoys talking to us younger kiddies on the same level. It makes you feel like the boundaries between undergrad and grad are nothing more than a formality that, at least around here, isn't as hardcore as it is at other Universities. I like that.

He helped accesorize me in some things, discussing private things with one another and after everything we went back and forth on, he puts on that famous sweater with the couch pattern, walks out with me from Olmsted, and tells me stay in touch. seriously, stay in touch. I kinda saw him as like a psych-older-brother at that moment. That was cool. And I will be.

So I have a slew of obstacles ahead of me that are getting closer and closer. You'd think that when classes end so does the anxiety and the thinking, but thank god... that isn't the case. These past few days have been a wonderful braintrip... stuff that I've experienced since Thursday has been giving me alot of yum brain goodness life stuff to put in perspective. So thanks to everyone I've seen since Thursday@! You have no idea what you said and how it affected me, but it sure did.

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting in front of Olmsted looking out toward the bell Tower, and... I felt the whole universe move, and turn in unison. Everything changing before my eyes, myself included. It was so sublime. I felt the wind brushing against my back, pushing me to go forward.

So I'm gonna. It's what I'm here to do. And whether everyone wants to realize it or not, that's what they're here to do, too. And it's okay, because the more things evolve and mature and progress.. the more you value the consistencies in life, too. Hanging out with someone I'm close to like Izzy really gave me a brainspasm, because that's when I realized, within our own consistencies and changes, the dymanic of our relationship also remaind consistent and changing, for the better.

My paragraphs do not flow from one to another today. it's hilarious! It's when my mind flows as its fastest and best that my eloquence is as it's more viscious and chunky. mmmmm. off to conquer this gorgeous library. See ya fellers.

Now Playing: same song, actualleh

I am here residing in... the Psycholinguistics lab @ UC Riverside. at 8.25pm. Alone in le Olmsted basement.

As I sit here using lab privilege to type out my Mengzi/Xunzi essay, and I ate some of Zana kimwa [sp?!] with lamb, I realized something.

If the environment allows it, we can realize ANY potential within us. We have it all inside ourselves. It's just a matter of who pursues it, and who doesn't.

More and more do I seem to arrive at the conclusion that right now, I am not exclusive to anything and anyone. Personality wise I am pretty stable, if not a bit static. But I refer to everything else as well... everything is fliud. I am fluid. Flexible. Malleable. Rather, I COULD be.

Like.. I may be mending my emotions over a girl at this time [yep. still. a little.]... but what's to stop me from going from being strictly about the ladies, and developing feelings for a guy too? What's the real difference anyway? Surely we all have the capacity to let ourselves flow from one side of the spectrum to another, in terms of anything.

I don't really know why I had this sudden urge to bring this up while writing my philosophy paper. This stuff just makes me consider everything from multiple perspectives, I guess. That, or sexual fluidity, bisexuality, has been something i've never really looked at. Most people must have. As Dustin Hoffman said, sexuality can never be an exclusivity; nothing in life is absolute. I can't make a case against him. I mean there must be asbolutes out there, somewhere, but i don't think we could ever achieve them.

This expansion of my thoughts may be as close as I get to being flexible about sexuality as I can. I never thought it possible to be secure in your sexuality, and consider a shift in perspective at the same time. Don't close the door on things! There is no lock to secure. Comfort is not security. Knowledge is.

and i loooove contemplating everything ever.

Now Playing: Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark

laptopless since . . . whatever last Saturday was. Eventless? HELLLL NO.

week 9 has always been the busiest of em all ever within each quarter, and I think this one actually beat out the last few.

Between conjuring up philosophical debates for azn phil, or finishing up and prepping for our cognitive presentation, or running subjects, or learning to use HAL, doing SQ3R and personality articles ..... yep

death

I have to say though, I knew it. I did everything with success and with time to SPARE bitches. I thrive in this environment. I hate that. But it's okay. This all has a payoff. The greatest moments of this insane time in my life are those that remind me that I can take everything on at once.

Today I finally (finally finally) got to talk with Mike Cassens, my favoritest grad student TA in the whole universe. I got to see pictures of his new baby (which reminds me, I want a baby), discuss his future plans since he's leaving the PhD program to provide for his new baby (say awww everyone). I told him I'm lab shopping for a lab to add to my repetior (sp), and he, after introducing me to Seth (grad student in Funder's lab) and being all random and awesome, helped me out by telling which labs in social/personality are worth going into. Since we didn;t get to finish discussing everything we're probably gonna hook up during his office hours next Thursday too, which will be his last Thursday at UC Riverside. aww. =[

so I go back to lab and Zana tells me I'm glowing so she knows I finally found the shadow man Mike. haha. I always glow apparently when I see someone I've been wanting to see. anyway. Today was fangoddamnfuckingsextastic. Got to be in lab with my lab family, got to see my psych mentor of sorts, and we had the absolute greatest debate session in Philosophy. We all caqme out as friends. How often does that happen outside of the college awesome smart people setting? Not too many times.

Week 10 and finals week are in the horizon. I think after tomorrow (presentation), I'll be reaffirmed; after a week like this.. there can be no bad weeks. See ya on the flipside, fellers.