Tummy ache.. damn pizza tasting so good =[

Good times today, here it is in story mode:

m0m [played by Enza] picks Luis up and we scurry on over to Brighton's, where Glen is as well.

we arrive in LA [destination] and walk into some stores, and try to look really uh.. here's my Brighton in Huntley gear.

I forget who gets the idea to travel in the subway... so we do. Here's my homies looking full of angst *ongst!!*

Bored and alone, I fail miserably at taking a kool pic of myself Cary style, but hey... it's still a nice pic here:

While waiting for Meg [MEG!], m0m takes a pic of us looking really... uh... lost, or something like that. emo! w00T

Meg! The Lady in Red [sorry Meg, I couldn't help it :-[...] meets up with us. Brighton is checking m0m out

We end up at CPK after reminiscing about getting lost in LA last yr, and we stuff our faces / empty our wallets.

This is the greatest picture of Glen ever.. look at the agony and the ecstasy in his eyes. Oh, the others too ;P

Walking around was kool, and the greatest thing ever was... meeting SOPHIE'S MALE TWIN. !!!!!!! *freaks out*

Today was great though. I think everytime I hang out with my friends, it gets better and better. You ever get that feeling? It's sad though, cuz after summer's over, most of us are splittin away... eh. I have my m0m so it's all good. Let's make the best of it yo! I'm geting a job soon, I look good in red, gettin' the cell fone back... good times to continue. By the way ... something happened ... on the way home ... which has changed my life forever. But we mustn't tell ANYBODY =X. hahaha. shh. later


I love Michelle. <3

k bye. *ghostwriter!* Okay nevermind. No.. spending sat nite talking to Michelle for hours has not only kept me smilin' and profilin' [haha.. 2 profiles..], but I stopped for a sec to realize... she's one of the best things to ever happen to me. I can make up a jillion reasons for why Mush = <3, but really... I'm just krazy over her dorkiness xD. You're amazing >:O!!! Ahhh... okay. That's enough blogging. I love my friends!


today was kooooooool... although it proved my theory that people from the San Fernando Valley are bound to each other forever ._.x

it was me m0m and Glennnnn and we had good times being out of the valley, shopping around and stuff. I really really love hanging out with Glen and m0m [who doesn't?], so it was great just talking and doing random stuff. So we shop some more... and who do we bump into? Tori, Lauren, Lisa and Alison. Quote: "But we're soo far away from the valley!!" That was just strange.

We scream and come back to el valle to eat us some Cheesecake Factory. The waiters/waitresses there make me feel so fat and nasty... haha. There's a quota for how good you look in there I swear! When the waiter was asking us for our order, I couldn't even look in his eyes cuz he exuded this aura of.. godliness and superior white boyness... AHHH! haha so as we waited for our grub we saw MORE VALLEY PEOPLE in Danika and Rachel G... and thus I conclude that, even when I leave this place and I'm off to Riverside... I will see sooo many people from around here that It's gonna be weird. oh well. I got new pics from the 2 rolls I have been using so, new pics up soon! I can finally take most of the old ones down... comin soon. late



Did what you told me to do Nic... introspection ._.x and yeah. No more of the exhausting stuff from me - cuz it tires me out too. :-)

Late nite talks with pplz are kool. You ever wonder how much more you can get out of someone when they're far away from you? We all kinda freeze up and act stupid when we're in person... but the IM window kind of eliminates that intimidation or whatever. I still like in person talks though... theyre so much more.. real. sleep time. bye


I love Nicole. Hey! Once I free up time from being out/sleeping, I'll make a shietload of pics. It'll rock yo socks, sucka

Summer is here... I gotta get back to doing what I do every summer. RUN. n_n Tis the greatest time ever.


[wakes up briefly] I slept from 1pm yesterday to um... right now. ^_^

Congrats to the Cleveland High School Class of 2003!!!!!!! WE MADE IT GUYS!!!!!!!!!!

Graduation was one of the most surreal moments of my life, and it almost flashed by me without notticing it. It hadn't hit me that we were all graduating, until I looked to my right, and saw this sea of navy blueness, and saw alot of my friends sitting, smiling, some crying... today was the last day we would all be together like this, ever. I had friends surrounding me everywhere, my middle school teachers were there too, it was all a culmination of all the damn struggles that He has put before me... and I felt truly alive.

So as the big confetti things went off, and we all started hugging and kissing each other, it hit me. This was goodbye. =[ I love all of you guys regardless of all the high skool ish... yeah.

I won't be seeing alot of my friendz again... so with erry picture, every kiss and every hug, I kept feeling more and more matture... I hadn't felt much about graduating, but seeing everyone else get emotional almost got to me.. but I haven't like cried or anything. It's weird - Molly and I usually die at these things.

The kraziest moment that happened afterwards was, well. . . I'll save that for somewhere else. :-) xD btw Grad Nite was INSANE!

Time to face the music... things will never be the same. Congrats to every other school for making it too... we all deserve this break :D. Guyz... and you know who you are... I love you. I left a lot of excess baggage behind me once I finally left the building - left past rivalries, current bitterness, and all I can see before me is what lies ahead. Alwayz embrace the past man . . . but never go back to it. Let's move on yo... always together. Whether we said goodbye or not.


coming soon: year in review - thru pics! / this kool survey thing [MICHELLE~!] / good way to end blog.

btw I almost forgot: Matt did thedumbest shit ever. No, not post the awakening (though that's up there), but, he had my diploma be withheld form being given to me if I did not give him the group-prom pics. Nice one man. Considering I got them on Tuesday AFTER SKOOL when I can't give them to anyone, you sure are smart for thinking I can give them to you before wednesday. Idiot. Witholding a diploma over such a stupid ass thing... but you were always one to hold grudges anyway, so eh. I'm glad yall have fun and now Beth is with you guys again... pains me to say but as much as I'll miss being with you guys, I'm glad its all over. bye.

Graduation tomorrow, and I feel less apathetic now =[. With tomorrow ends... so much... it's overwhelming once you actually realize that you WON'T be returning to school. I haven't gotten there yet but when the time comes, I'm gonna get sentimental about leaving so many things behind me...

o well. Tonite made me realize, that as long as I spend my time enjoying the people aruond me... it's all gonna be alright. Tell me we don't look like a picture for a college catalog.. like Brandeis xD So thankx you guys, tonight was special. <3 and Dan Stone...you're just upset that I won the game. Perhaps also that I have the best butt in core too [with exception made to Minjung and Huntley]. xD see yall in our caps n gowns. late



It's all over. Gotta write something about it. Not now tho. haha. So much love! After our last hurrah in Core we went off to eat and then some of the old gang went to Sutter. It was so great, and being with the old crew and just reminiscing about our times back in the day is making me realize... I haven't felt much of anything about leaving high skool yet, and I think I need to write all of those things down before I forget and don't appreciate em... mmm. I'm gonna miss so many people that I feel like I HAVE TO get all mushy about it... but it aint comin to me. eh. At least not for the majority.

I'll come back and do somethin' kool.


*looks at time* oh, well then... yesterday was great. Ate alot of food [ALOT OF FOOD]. Ariel has the yrbook for the weekend. . .and as I gave it to her and we ate in per 4, I realized that I'm gonna miss alot of things. But I still feel so apathetic about this whole graduation thing.

After skool was great too. Hung out with m0m, twin, Glen and Meg <3. Had a good time. The highlight of my life? This:


Thankz. I don't feel so cornered anymore, thanks to you. It's funny but without ya I'd feel like I had little to nothing at all anymore. but I was wrong. yay. good times.


Alright. Gotta come to terms with this big big situation. I need to apologize to what, all 200+ of you - for just bringing out all of these things and not holding back on anything and anyone.

I'm pretty fucking sorry. Sorry if you feel like you were attacked too - but no, I DIDN'T ATTACK YOU GUYS! I didn't think laying shit out on the table (in any way) would make everybody feel so personally attacked. In fact there IS people out there you guys, who believe I didn't attack anyone. At least I don't feel alone... but anyway. Alot of you (like those who blogged in response) overreacted, ferreal. So much hatred dudes.. so much hatred for just stating the state of things, it's disgusting. I've been called a bigot (that one stung), a liar, and other shit in random chat rooms too. Why are we all so quick to shit on others? I do it too - if someone seems to be singling me out I lose my mind. I dunno, the race shit I brought onto the surface for the most part has alwayz been there for me. Maybe it's just me, and it wasn't fair of me to just spill it out onto EVERYBODY, exceptions aside. Heh, a lot of what I wrote was just years of frustrations, and a lot of self-hate too. I put myself in the place of alot of those 'examples' and I felt so dirty. Like such a bad person.

But I'm not a bad person for letting out how I (and others) feel. I was just the one who finally said it, and I'm sorry that it hurt so many people. It wasn't meant to hurt, but the damage is done. But hey, I don't run away from bullssssshit. Haven't you notticed? That's why I blogged on that fateful day a few days ago - cuz I don't run from this stuff. Anyway, having said that - I'm willing to do what I can to close this up for everyone. If you're willing to actually go through this stuff and mend how you and I feel, then perfect. I won't ask anyone to say 'omg Luis, I'm a total idiot for getting angry, marry me' - cuz that's not kool of me. But hey, don't ask me to negate everything I said... because I said it all for a reason (just as you attacked ME for yours), and we can't deny that there is alot both sides have to admit to before any hatred can go away. Sorry yo. Thought we were all ready for this kinda stuff. I made a huge ass mistake. Shoulda gone about this differently - and at a different time too. Passing eeeeverything I said as fact wasn't the best idea at all - seeing as well, it may hold true for some, but not all. Oh well yo. I don't think I'm above this crap (man how many times have I said this?), and I know when I fuck up, and i know my flaws too. I hope others can know when they do all of that too. nite

Fell asleep. =T

Am I really that fucked up? Looks like I opened up Pandora's box. Everyone got so much nastier than I ever thought possible, I mean fuck man. Not to say I'm 1000000% correct about the world, but is ignorance really bliss? Did everyone really enjoy how everything works? Did pointing out a lot of crap that happens really have to turn the world against the guy who visually said what's going on? Maybe I shoulda realized (just by looking at myself) how wily and insane people can get if they feel threatened. Can't blame people, but in every attack towards me, every blog entry by everyone else, it's easy to see through their words, that I got misinterpreted so badly.. so badly. So much hatred you guys! HATRED. Did it all have to turn out this way with 8 school days left? Sorry guys... it's all turned out terribly. I'm sorry I ruined things Meg... I'm truly sorry. Things ARE consequential, aren't they.

Anyway shit... I didn't feel good enough writing it in the journal only so I'mma blog about prom weekend now. haha. Hung out with the guys for the majority of the day today, it was koo.

Prom in general was amazing... it was 6 of us (Matt Jenny Meg Brighton and Glen) getting there fashionably late and having a terrific time. We saw everybody (and wow, everyone looked amazing), and we did alot of fun things. The museum was great (if only for Minjung riding the saddle). Food wasn't that bad but hey... whatever. Got to dance with Meg and that was awesome <3. Slow danced w/ Molly too! Had a magical evening really, so much finally.. happened... but not even prom went without some things to piss me off. But those things passed and I'm all good. Definitely tho, prom is something to never forget.

Post prom was I think even better... because instead of having some time getting massively wasted at a hotel, we went to Long Beach. Brighton almost got us killed =T. I ate way too much. Meg STILL looked amazing. We got on Matt's dad's awesome boat and wow, it was amazing. I mean it was far away from home, and it was with people I love... totally a surreal and fun experience. Kicked Glen accidently while sleeping, but hey Brighton did too! We went on Matt's dinghy (with an h yes) and that was incredible too. I'm super glad I went there instead of getting drunk and losing my brain cells @_@. We also went to the shopping center and had alotta fun dude... soo much candy. =[

Den we pretty much went back home - almost got killed by fire trucks, and once I got home I would've posted all of this - but I didn't.

I didn't cuz as great as it was, I had other things to get to first, things that I and others really, had been holding in for years. People will say I did it all to start up shit - but cmon, start up shit? I didn't want shit... I didn't expect that letting out alot of these things was gonna be taken out all on me. As if I personally hate all of us in core... heh I don't. In fact I probably talked about those I really like, and love, etc etc... showing that even them (and I) aren't free of the bullshit that has seeped around core. What can I tell you... do I feel bad that everyones gotten all offended? That feelings have been hurt?? duh - but man if you really look at it, can you really tell me that I'm completely wrong on everything I've said? That is if anyone really read it all or just wanted to find things to throw at me maliciously.

Ppl I really let in have really gotten ugly about this whole issue. Words hurt or whatever - but the things I've been attacked with make me think hey... did you really read all of what I said, or did you just hear things about it, find something you didn't like, and decide to bash me for it? I've been hit from all sides on some stuff, from Matt to Peter and heh, the sad shit is how all of the so called 'good timez' are easily forgotten and the hate just pours on. I'm not a bigot. Bigot? Obsessed? wow. no

Matt can check his email and that's all I can do in response, and Peter can stay the fuck out of wut I have said - because by his response in Matts blog, it looks like he didn't even completely read shit (or care to see it all without losing his small ass temper.)


Molly said it best today: "Look I'm SICK OF ALL THIS DUMBASS FIGHTING! There's 2 weeks of skool left you guys, and you wanna spend it like this? There's this huge cloud of negativity here and I'm SICK OF IT! I don't wanna hear sides and I don't wanna hear stories, I just want you all to shut the fuck up and be happy - skool is almost over, HIGH SKOOL IS ALMOST OVER." I've only slightly regretted spitting out truths everywhere because it's shown me that alot of those I really care(d) about, have really been shitting on me. For a long time.

But it's almost over soon. So anyway - helping Ferris Bueller-ism was great. That group is fun. Lotsa fun. bye

The cycle continues.


Post #1. Fuck where do I start...

alright. Let's talk about things one at a time and things will roll from there. :-D Let's start with something simple thankx to divine (Esther) inspiration... the quad. I'll do this a bit at a time...

Ever realize how pretentious and superior we core kiddies feel? Compared to the residential skool, and to other high skools, we think we're the shit. Academically sure... I think we're all cerebral monsters who devour information like I hear this dude devours Beth. But really, our mentalities have gotten very disgusting. "Oh, we're in core, we're not racist, we're not sexist, we're so diverse, and we're all friends <3 <3 <3, we're not like THOSE people." Sound in any way familiar? It kind of shouldn't - core kids don't really say these things, but they sure do imply it, and act like it.

The quad is the center of the core social order - with exception to our E hall. At the quad is where everything epands into all the things I'm gonna try to let out, so bare with me. "We're not racist..." okay - wait a second. You ever notice what the quad looks like?

We have your asian block on the far left, you have your mass of white core spattered everywhere else, and you get the occasional Brighton, Ashley and Rody meandering around. Gee, we're so diverse... yeah, diverse yet segregated as fuck. When do you usually talk to somebody that isn't from your little clique? You ever think about it? Usually I'm talked to by the asians (generally speaking, there's exceptions) and whites when they need me. "HEY LUIS! <3 <3 <3 SO IM GONNA FAIL THIS ESSAY LOLZ... CAN YOU HELP ME OUT? =]" yeah. Fuck that.

Alright let's get deeper. It's pretty established that in general, most of core is one mass of segregation that does not stray from it's race, or type of people. "Wait Luis, but I have lots of friends of all kinds.." oh, you do? Doesn't seem like it. I heard about Cary's guys only party the other day, it sounded like a blast, and I was like hey, how awesome would it be to actually kick it with Cary and stuff?... until I realized who was actually invited to that soiree. It was all of the usual white clique boys that Cary socializes with - oh, and Zodin and Craig too. Our resident token asians which the white core folk don't mind having around. Pretty harmless guys ya know? I like them both too - but wow Cary, nice way of personifying how great the core system works. Nothing against anybody personally here - I like Cary too (although he seems really interested in other peoples business). It's just sad how closed up the social atmosphere is on the white side of core. Man, and you guys really shit on the white guys that AREN'T so fucking elitist. You know who I'm talking about too. It's fuckin' sad. Hey, drop me a line when you need the final outline, okay? =]

Actually don't. I didn't even know Amanda Weiss existed until somebody told me she loooves my outlines. You probably like them too. Maybe you can tell me when you decide to talk to me for something other than that. I sound bitter - but I'm really not. I really don't care about me here, just pointing out how selective and passively racist everybody is. Moving onward! Feel the love!~!

Actually that's enough for today. I haven't even started on what's fucked up about our 200+ comrades. I can do more of this when I finish. Don't worry - I'll get to YOU eventually. People will read this and go omg~ Luis has issues. Hey guess what? You probably has worse ones than I do. If you wanna comment anonymously to any of these posts, please do. I don't wanna get anyone in trouble.

If you're gonna confront me - find me at skool. call me (818) 313-9773. Do not do it online you baby. Don't prove how weak you are by NOT showing your face (or voice) and just talkin' random smack to me thru the IM window. Go let me finish up this essay type series of blogs and then we can see each other at skool, and either ignore one another, or fake smiles and laughs. You know, the usual thing. w00T.


Post #2. Okay I'm back.

Man where was I... oh yeah. I really don't care about most of white core - with veyr few exceptions. And they know who they are too. :-) I'll do this in letter format - cuz this case really hits me personally. Im sorry for the generalization here, but it has to be done. Note: There is alwayz exceptions to the rule.

Dear Asian block,

When white core does it, I could care less. They've done it all their lives and prolly don't know. You on the other hand are not white core, so stop doing whatever they do. You're even more fucked up than them in some cases. Where to start? (again)

Don't talk to me if you're not genuine about wanting to talk to me. Just like I said perviously, you're one mass of segregated fuck that tries all it can to deny it. Try to deny this:

When do you talk to anybody that isn't white or asian? In class? Sort of. You need to fake being all buddy buddy when you need some help with core SQ's - or with outlines - or with AP spanish. (personally speaking) How many times have I been lavished with your attention when you're in some sort of academic help? Oh man countless times. I love you too.

However once I wanna hang out outside the confines of school, and bond, and be more than school friends, you have no time for me. "Im sorry but I'm alwayz so busy~! hehe" How many times have I heard most of asian core say this to me. How many times have YOU said that???? So you're busy, that's kool. Then you start to hear the chit chat during class, "Hey, le's go out here tonight" or "Man that sure was great". Who are you talking to? Yourselves, jerks. You have all the time in the world to be with your 'people' (fuck, I'm getting crude) and no time whatsoever so do shit with something like me. Or Claudia. Or Brighton. Oh, unless they're super duper Christian like you claim to be.

Then you give asians trouble if they bother trying to break through this elitism. For almost 2 years Peter and I were friends, and for a while now we grew pretty close. He is/was the best friend I've ever had. I thought we had shattered so many of these fucking racial barriers. I love the bastard like a brother, STILL. I mean... I am the only non-asian to have ever been to his house... and hang out with him in general.

But no. You guys like to give him shit for having been close to me. Mostly asian guys too. That just reinforced his insecurities and if you couple that with our personal differences - you get as to why he doesn't wanna even talk to me anymore. Fuck you guys, you've ruined my fucking situations way too much. Which one of you can I trust when I know that behind my back, you're gonna do this shit? Damn.

Man it isn't even just non-asians that you push off and exclude, but other asians too. You know who I'm talking about. Not korean enough? Not chinese enough? Goddamn. For some reason or another - if azns want to hang out with other people, they either get shit on (Peter) or they get ignored and knocked out of the social loop (Minjung is one example), and even my Mushy. What about Slackers Anonymous too? You know, those 'outcast' azns that hang out near E hall. Yeah, the anime ones, the ones who also hang out with Jenny, Matt, Enza... you know, non asians. Oh man... when do you ever go talk to them? When you need Prince of Tennis 1 - 16 or something? You need money? Fuck that. They accept everybody, and they get put on the side because of it. THAT ISN'T KOOL.

I'm not saying that all asianz do this exclusion bullshit or that asians only do it - but that it's so fucking noticable at skool coming from you guys that, it sickens and saddens me. You'd think it's not a big deal for any of us. It probably isn't - but it hurts when you start to realize how elitst yall are. Especially when people like ME just wanna be friends. yay I'm an honorary asian... big woop. Let's hang out sometime. Not on outline time either. :-/

Anyway. I really like most of the asians at skool. I just hate the way they think of me and treat me, and well... use me. It's kinda like the white situation. Except I think I could be so tight with the azns... but they wouldn't ever let THAT happen. Doo you know how long I've wanted to just be part of a group? That aura of unity... wow... it seems so nice, ya know. But hey, 1/4 azn my ASS, Luis.

You guys have made me cry, you've made me do ALL I can to try to... fucking fit in. But as my outcome with Peter has proven, I can be soo close to somebody.. and even that foundation can be taken down. I hold a lot of bitterness towards asianz in core. and I really don't WANT to.. I really really don't.

I have all the love for guys like Peter An... cuz they're a true good hearted person, and an exception to this generalization of asians in core. Love ya mang. haha. But hey whatever... I don't think L337P373 himself can ever convince Peter about this racial problem. And I'll alwayz be sad about this. Scarred again. Man. Maybe if those relgiious asians practiced what they preach, we'd actually be in a better place. I can't wait to not see alot of you again.. because I'll miss you, yet you've hurt me and others way too much for me to wanna bear another 4 years with you. I hope you have a great time in college!

Alright, I'm sure I've pissed SOMEBODY off by now. I gotta apologize for that too, cuz this isn't meant to piss the world off; more like awaken the world, heh. Maybe talking about all this taboo racism stuff is too much to handle. I know I feel like erasing all of this and trying again to be buddyz. But I'm sick of being disappointed with people so, I'm gonna point out everything you do that makes you look like hypocritical shit. yay.

I think I'm done in terms of the racial situation. When it comes to generalizing the few blacks/latinos in core, you have to admit - there's so few of us that we're not capable of doing this hurtful HURTFUL bullshit to people. Pick out any of us - we're much more... socially willing to expand. Fuck you guys, LOOK AT ME! I WANNA FIND AND EMBRACE THAT ASIAN SIDE OF MYSELF! fuck fuck fuck. The sad part about this blog? It all bleeds truth. I hope instead of getting backlash (haha tho some will do it), you guys all just sit and think about this. That's all I ask. Things will not change (call me existential) - so I'm not gonna expect it. Anyway... gonna move on now. So my asian brothers n sisters... that's all I can say to you as a group.


Post #3. I type so much :-]

So okay - we've gone thorugh my core kiddies are huge hypocrites in terms of race. good. What about everything else?

I hate how bored we all get. Mang if we're constantly learning about some 'new way of thinkinG~!' - we're bound to get bored. I guess that's why we decide to listen to, and start, so much bullshit within our little group.

wait.. *blasts Linkin Park*... wait *turns it off* you ever notice how we typecast one another? I guess since I'm the one starting this off I'll focus on me first. Trying to let out my shit through this blog and displaying a sense of emotion has eternally left me marked as the emo guy from core - the overly emotional guy who LOVES his friends too much, is depressed all the time, listens to LP... etc.

Man, way to describe me in one fucking sentence. Core kiddies (hey, I do this too) like to generalize people into short phrases and treat them accordingly. "Glen's the emotionless gay guy... talk to him superficially only" "Minjung is the krzzzzy lil azn nobody likes" "All Joe talks about is Anime" "Friedman is the biggest gossip in the world" "Brighton is fake" - all examples of how people are boxed in and really, how the fuck are we supposed to become anything but fake friends when we've already been labeled???

*blasts Linkin Park again*.

What about all the gossip down by the old core wishing well? Holy shit man... ridiculous. *typecasts* man, those girls sure do spread around a lot of shit... */typecasts* I think it's sad and pathetic how people have inner issues with themselves, and they decide to take it out on other people.

Case in point, I dislike how some people have so many issues with themselves, that they feel theneed to kick OTHERS down when they're in problems. This means you Friedman - stop creating more bullshit for other people and deal with the fact that you have your own problems... which I won't name out of courtesy. I heard you say alot of things about people, peoiple like Roel, like Me, etc... it isn't kool fool. I think you're a good guy somewhere beneath that bullshit mouth you've grown to have. It seems like during the Hallmarkism meetings you brought it out in Brighton and Jenny too... oh man. It isn't KOOL FOOL.

Sorry, it isnt like you're the only person who does it, I just had to use an exaple that I know of very well. I'd like Friedman and well, alot of core much more if they just dealt with themselves instead of started more shit for OTHER PEOPLE. Goddamn.

I also detest how easily influenced core kiddies can be too (I don't mean just core kiddies, but I'm focusing on a group here!). Anyway I hate how people like Corrie can easily use their charm and well, manipulative skills to turn people against one another. I'll never know the specifics (maybe I don't want to) but man, the shit that Corrie said to all of my m0m's old friends (you know who those are) seemed to work so well - because soon after, they left m0m by herself and went with Corrie. That fucking sucks, and I hate that it happened to such a good person. Man I don't wanna use the word but that Corrie... what a bitch she is for all of that. I don't like core kids who are easily swerved too! Man man man, you hear one negative thing about a person and you avoid them like the plague! Well fuck you! I'd like to see how YOU handle things whenever it happens to you in YOUR lifetime, you cold-hearted fucks.

But hey, I like most of you as individuals. Isn't that funny? I tell you all this cuz I care :]. Gotta start the change somewhere right... even if it's at my expense. I can see where hate would come out of this... but it really shouldn't come out at all. Maybe self-hate yes?

Anyway, I also don't like the superficiality that we all have going on. Holy SHIT do I hate it. We all do it and i htink it's very immature and retarded as fuck. For example...

You see how happy cheery smiley we all are with one another? Maybe when we see each other. Then once we're apart, so much shit is talked about... 'oh man I HATE him... because blahblahblah.' *person comes back* 'HEY! =] HOW ARE YA?' One reason I haven't brought myself to trusting someone like Glen is because of this habit he has, and I hate that about him, because I truly do genuinely like the guy. He's also a big mouth sometimes - but I won't single him out, because the rest of you are too. I can be too xD

I know superficiality is a part of being a human being, and that it's prtty much one of the few ways we have to be socially accepted. However, it isn't the ONLY way, and it's the easiest way, and the cheesiest, and most stupid. Quit it. I hate talking to Matt, or Robert, or fuck, ANY SINGLE ONE OF YOU about my problems, and then seeing you go up to a perosn I have a problem with and being all happy with them, and when you're talking to me, you tell me how fucked up you think they are. Man, grow the fuck up. If you don't like what somebody has done, or don't like someone period - then DON'T FAKE THAT YOU LIKE THEM. Pathetic core students.

Man. I'm tired.

I just realized that I neglected all the good things about us core babies... about all us peoplez. Oh well. It's better to get the shit out of the way before saying anything nice, if I say so myself. Not gonna do another long blog for a very long time or anything... and I realized I went against my whole 'I'm gonna be superficial' thing. But hey who cares now. Gonna kick back and relax now. Gonna block every single ass that tries to talk to me about this in an angry tone too. I'll see you at skool. I still am currently very down in the dumps, and can you blame me? You could but I really wouldn't. Regardless of however I feel, I will willingly talk to anyone who has anything to me to me for bringing all this shit out to the light. Man, SO much shit will probably be said about me after ppl read this... but that's only gonna prove all these points right, and it'll suck. eh.

Change has to start somewhere, and I think this may be a shot at starting something really good; even if we're 2 weeks away from splitting up for good. late

Thee seXay onE: it isnt supposed to be better at all... its supposed to show how it all is. it works so much that even i do it, thru how i posted it all and i used generalizations. i freely admit it too
Thee seXay onE: not gonna fake that im superior to all the bullshit
Thee seXay onE: not gonna say i have answers
Thee seXay onE: just gonna say wut sucks.


Prom was inSanE. *writes in his journal*. haha. Prom was a bunch of good (really really good) things mxed in with shit that pissed the fuck out of me... man, people can fuck you up bad when you least expect it. Remind me to start blogging more often cuz I have shit to give back to people. Anyway... prom and post prom was great in general.. I do have a lot of new things to sort out and I guess 'deal it' - but whatever. I'm gonna just... deal with it all at once, as usual. *note to LuiS: blog moreeeee*


Seeing Molly and Esther today made me realize that.. wow... it's all really over soon.

Talking to Esther made me realize how terrible most of the ppl at skool are. It's about time we all let go and just say all the shit we need to say... because it just isn't fun trash-talking and letting it all out when skool is over, right? Get ready. Cuz I don't hold back when I get worked up. There is no going back. *attacKs*


Music has been a really big help in getting through my days lately [again]. So has being around a lot of my friends. I've really closed myself up to talking about anything and I really like it this way right now. I can't stand a lot of things in my life, I can't stand a lot of people either... so I'll just put on my headfonez, say a prayer to the Lord, and let this all continue sinking in. Maybe this way, I can get back to doing wut I used to do so well.. bury it all until it's not visible. Unhealthy? Maybe. But at this point I don't feel I can get much worse, really. I've been hurt by girls in the past, I've been hurt by quite a few guys too... being vulnerable just isn't my thing anymore. So hey, I'll join the rest of you in superficial-land, where we all fake smiles and laughs, when there's alwayz something beneath the surface that we just can't see. Something within me says I'm in for a huge mistake. Well, nobody said r3gression was easy. It actually sucks. I'm gonna leave high skool the same way I left it... cold. I've been let down just once too many times. bye


Two weeks without my brother.. I’m in this boat.. alone
Floating down a river named emotion..
Will I make it back to shore? Or drift into the unknown..

I ' m - f u r t h e r - d o w n - t h e - r i v e r . . .