Took part in my first psychology experiment today. It was very interesting and very disturbing, too. I'm part of a long-term experiment to test the long-term reactions to bad moments in your life; specifically, friendships or relationships gone bad. Surveys filled out and questions asked, the final part was where they sat me in a very small, dim room, and gave me paper and a pencil. I was given 8 minutes to go back in time and in detail, describe one of the saddest times in my life.

I thought it would be too simple to write about it. About what happened, who said what, how I felt, and how it had felt right after it happened. I chose one of the worst moments in recent memory, which i was supposed to have done and everything. I was set. But.. when I opened up the blue book and grabbed the pencil, I froze. Something was keeping me from letting the thoughts come out. I was so perplexed! I couldn't even begin a sentence without erasing that shit.

Maybe something's aren't good to revisit. I eventually started and tried my best to keep my mind focused on JUST recounting the times, and not on how it was making me feel. Why was it so hard to write down, let alone remember? The vivid images just started hitting me and I was very shaky once my 8 minutes were over. I didn't even get to finish. Now, I have tomorrow, Thursday, and November 18th to finish going back. Is this the reaction they wanted? I don't wanna go back. I don't wanna go back...