Now Playing: Death Cab for Cutie - The New Year

ah, so fitting.

To the movers and shakers of this past year, thanks. So much has happened and changed for me and it's been a blast, through the great, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Thanks to the suite and hallmates from the ol K Building - all of you! Including the honorary K people =) You guys.. really made the college experience for me. Greg Habib Joey Jesse Marco Meghann Lydia Rachel Jen Shikha Ian Bryan Izzy everymotherfuckerfromKbuilding Christina Ashley Matt etctetctetc.. love you guys

To all my new Riverside friends in general, may next year be filled with more good times, and lots of BOOZE! From Christina Chen to Kaci Jen Blair Laurie and everyone I've met along the way. 2005!!

For my people back home, thnks for giving me a reason to come back over and over again. Brighton, Matt, Jenny, Malalai, Nicole Michelle Lissa Roel Priscilla my closest friends.. thanks for another awesome year. We're fucken old. I hope you guys have an amazing new year, in fact we all will. Still somehow united. Gah I love you all!

To all my friends old and new, to Enza for all the horrid things she did, because they all turned out to make this year awesome. It's because of your dishonesty and manipulations that I will always have more respect for Glen, regardless of how much he harmed me as well. You taught me who to never trust, who will always be there, and what happens when you let in the insecure. Thanks!! To Glen, whom because of his shred of dignity will always have that much more respect from me than other people now out of my life. We'll always have that summer.

To the bands and songs that made the year a constant melody. If I ever got an ipod, you'd all get priority in it. To the concerts and laughs and all the good times spent throughout the year. The late nite talks, the walks and runs and bad movies. This was a great year, despite all obstacles.

There was no bad experiences when I look back, because they all shaped this year into a turbulent one full of change and momentous times.. and change is never a bad thing.

I'm off to start this next year with a bang, by getting fat and wasted. May God keep you all. Soon enough I'll be back to my full UCR Family, and boy.. I can't wait. :) HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Now Playing: Jimmy Eat World - Nothing Wrong

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
- live in my own room, have my own mexi-clique, see drunk penis [oh yeah.. you'd have to ask me for that one! hahahaha]

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- If I made one, I sure didn't keep it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
...did they? Oh my aunt

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no, but their souls did

5. What countries did you visit?
Drunkenstan

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
More ethics, which means no more messing around when I'm supposed to maintain abstinance.. god this isn't happening

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Alot of em.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
geting the scholarship I got, making a crapload of friends within 10 weeks, and keeping the same great friends I have from high school

9. What was your biggest failure?
of 2004? Losing control..

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
hangovers count? And this end of year's flu

11. What was the best thing you bought?
... dunno. No clue

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
aww alot of people's, you knows who you is, panorama's

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Glen during the summer, and Barbarian alllll year around. Krazy thang

14. Where did most of your money go?
SCHOOL, damnit

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Making the insane connections I made this past quarter, ah, and seeing matt/jenny/brighton whenever I could

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
depends on the quarter. Every quarter, there was a few bands I'd just listen to and they kind of embody that time period for me.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter
iii. richer or poorer? poorer, i think

18. What do you wish you would have done more of?
running; 2004 wasn't my best

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
thinking

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
uh.. what

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
yes. It's awful

23. How many one-night stands?
3.. probably more than I should've

24. What was your favorite TV program?
oh MAN, nip/tuck, daria, invader zim, real world/road rules.. woot woot

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no, don't hate anyone. Hate means effort, and I'm not feelin that

26. What was the best book you read?
The Odyssey, because they made me

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Velvet Teen. bar none

28. What did you want and get?
few dependable people

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
hmm.. I really wanna say Alexander. hahahahahaha oh man

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
ummm... hmm.. oh, get high and hang out with slackers. 19 is an odd age

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
slowly doing the emo, but without the sad look and long hair

34. What kept you sane?
not surveys like this, where #32 was taken out of it. wtf?

Now Playing: um television

What a puta

This had to be the funniest shit since the one time when I was in Pentland and Joey was getting his hair dyed and I had half the mexican population [and ash!] in my room. Good times

wow.

So I'm going to lock myself in my bathroom, and write. I'm just fucking blown away. Goooooood times. achoo

Now Playing: Invader Zim - The Most Horrible Xmas Ever

Merry Christmas! I hope you all got what you asked for, unless it was ridiculous or you flat out didn't deseve anything =)

Just blogging to say how gooey and happy I've been. Starting last nght and continuing throughout today, I've gotten SO many fone calls from friends. You guys rule, and didn't have to call just to say Merry Xmas =). I'm blessed to have such good people in my life who think of me and care for me and alllll thar yummy stuff. *glee* I did end up getting what I wanted after all.. happy holidays.

Now PLaying: The Flaming Lips - Shine On Sweet Jesus

*cough death***

Totally thought today was Thursday. I'm retarded. That means I didn't get to see Jenny again =[ *sighh. Matt called me while I was on the deathbed watcing le vh1, so I rushed to put something on to go out. The bastard leaves tomorrow.. ahh life. Anyway I rush and wait outside and wtf..

Amy Madole was in the car with him. FLAMY MADOLE hahaahaha oh man oh man. So Matt presents me my gift; Amy. It's kinda short and angry.. but I'll take it. haha. It was a pretty good time, just breifly catching up with Amy and going around Studio City like bored valley kids do. There was a lot of reminiscing, which is alright, but kind of took away from the ''okay, but who are we *now*'' talks. It's all gravy, it was fun. First time I'd been to Hamburger Hamlet in ... well, forever

It being xmas eve tonight we had to split early. It was nice being with them, and I think the last time it was just us three was ... oh man. Back in 11th grade. That one day. Whoa scary! SO we drop Amy off, and I get to play with Matt's new e$$$pensive camera. I give him his xmas/hannukah present, he gives me super-weed, and that was that. It was kinda sad, I mean we didn't DO much but.. I at least got to see em right before he leaves and I don't see him until next year. Man.. next year

I'm still sick, so I'm gonna go play. Break is going to end far, far too soon. Eh well, I get to see those I wanna see and wanna see me, and I'm getting good rest so really, can anyone really complain?

Now Playing: Utter silence. suiting

I didn't use my camera today, but I don't think I needed to. I spent my morning hiking up the evil Topanga mountain of death with Roel and his girlfriend Kat. It was fun, ganging up and making fun of Roel with someone so ... new (oh and young hahaha).

I ended up spending my day with Jenny, and boy, it was fun. So fun in fact, it spurred it me write once again. Like, spending time with someone you're so close to, doing much of nothing.. what more proof is there that life is not only worth living, but too grand and beautiful to worry over? I don't remember having such a nice time with someone in quite a while. Maybe it was because it was Flem and I missed her. Perhaps it's just because, I've finally decided on who I want to remain friends with form here on out. Izzy calls it a weeding-out process. I call it growing up, and having the time o fmy life while doing so. mmmm.. Marzipan + Closer = tasty question marks. adios

Now Playing: Cal Aggie Marching Band-uh! - Big C

On this day, December 19, 2004, Suprnova.org is no more. *tear

Now Playing: Death Cab for Cutie - Coney Island

As the wind howls across the Valley tonight, I listen to an amazing song to cap off an amazing day. Saw old faces, saw my old school, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a life where so many things mattered to me.. and 3 years later, things are definitely not the same. I am not the same. Mish isn't either! Actually.. nobody really is. That's pretty damn nice to know. I loved seeing so many places and teachers, and just feeling welcomed.

So I spent my first day back with Michelle, and it was alot of fun. It meant alot to me, the whole day as a whole, so I wrote about it. That's right I'm back into the swing of things! It feels rewarding. Mish thanks for um.. not only being the first person I see this break, but giving me even more reasons to keep our ties close. You're growing up so nicely.. it makes me bear a nasty nasty happy grin. [ :D!!! Today, I visited Cleveland High, and I walked out of that campus feeling really.. mature. And fucking, fucking old.

Now Playing: Ozma - Your Name

As we dropped Ashley off and we traded hugs, so officially ended my fall quarter, and 2004 school year.

This quarter has been pretty turbulent, but it's done with, and all I can say is thank goodness. It sucked, but it did so much good for my character =).

One of the last things I got to do was go on my first expendition to explore the big C mountain. My goal ever since I fell into a state of ... caca was to climb up to the top. Ask cuz, I had, and have this urge to reach the highest peak, sit on it and just.. sit in silence taking it all in. I thought I had to reach the C all the way up to have my Petrarch moment, to write and have this great realization of hw I have led my life. Turns out I didn't

The Adventures of Luis and Maria-Clark



that's the sun hitting our face assholes, my eyes aren't always that squinty!

Anyway, so my beloved cuz and I were off. We never did this kind of thing before, which is strange, since we kind of live at the footsteps to the gorgeous beast of a mountain. It got really hot and we tried many different paths, and pretty soon, I got a little too anxious.



All I could focus on was reaching the top - getting to the end - getting what I WANTED. We would take breaks to relax, but I couldn't.. I set it in my head and I wanted it all NOW now now. Didn't stop my cuz from being all reflecto emo



We didn't reach the top afterall. The path taken went too far right. We were halfway up, and when we stopped at a big flat rock, we turned around to see the view. Smoggy as it was, it was beautiful. This rain of calm suddenly hit me. So I pulled out my journal and I just.. wrote. Our arduous journey to find ''the right way'' and constantly fighting to keep moving on up became the literal manifestation of the past ten weeks of my life... and I think of just my whole life up to this point.

I know alot has happened, now. I may not be where I want, or with whom, and maybe expecting everything to happen once I put some effort was unrealistic of me. In fact, it was, but I always expect SOMETHING when I work for it. Sitting on the rock, having not reached the cursed C, I wasn't really disappointed with myself anymore. It was fine.. I am much further on this strange path than I realized, and it became very clear to me right then. I may not have gotten to where I want at this point.. but that's alright. I still don't know which way to go sometimes, or if it will take me to what I want, but the whole point to life is to just GO, which is exactly what I've been doing.

My quarter was full of downs and downs, but there was a mess of ups that were happening that I was too intent on not seeing. Shame on me. That's what happens in life though, right? Sometimes we can't see anywhere but forward. Sometimes we need to stop and realize where we are and where we've been before we have any idea where we're going.



It's good to be home. :)

Now Playing: Weezer - I Just Threw Out The Love Of My Dreams

...

maybe I'll write about it tomorrow

Now Playing: Some random song

We need more Timothy Chin's in this world. We just do.

Now Playing: The Velvet Teen - Counting Backwards

Such a positive and fast song for my bad bad sad times.

* Meeting Marwa, finally, and having her remind me of Malalai: ++++
* Joey and Bryan coming over to play and be dumb with us: +++
* Going out with Ashley and Izzy: +++++
* Seeing Alexander.. and having my soul slowly leave my body throughout it: ---------------
* Seein HERO.. AGAIN and being declared dead by the end of friday evening: ---------
* Not being added to FACEBOOK when I requested to be friended a week ago, and seeing other people be added but not.. me..: -----------------------

That's right. I'm pissy offended :(

* Having finals loom in the very near future, not being ready at ALL and knowing I'll be studying history alone: ------------

Now Playing: Iron & Wine - Such Great Heights

Why break yourself over the unbreakable?

Why luis.. why.. why. I dunno, because I like to believe nothing is truly unbreakable, and I like to believe that if it's meant to happen and I put forth that effort.. I can break through. I can cross over

Isn't that a little unrealistic? Maybe, I mean it sure does seem to set me up for eventual [or immediate] let down. Thing is, if you don't aim for anything or take a risk or gamble some of your security and happiness.. what the hell ARE you doing?

I still think you push yourself too hard, and you don't have the confidence to pull it off. People can smell weakness. Yeah I know I know I knowwww.. but that's just who I am. I want something with such ambition and passion, and I want it.. now.. and so I stumble and fumble my way towards it. I'm not disagreing at all.. I'm just a guy looking for something new, and I think I found it..

And you think rushing yourself and scaring the shit out of people with your retarded actions will get you what you want? Everything you hold close and dear just CAME to you; it just HAPPENED and you LET IT happen. You didn't stress or cry or worry or overthink. What makes you think you'll be happy and dandy NOW when time and time again, life has shown you that if you thinkthinkthinkthink it all too much, everyone will end up fucking disappointed. What the hell is wrong with you huh? It's like you're even more of a loser for not only acknowledging your flaws.. but not doing enough to erradicate them

Yeah.. but try is all I have, man. That and a support system of friends and myself! I have you. And if I can at least see and know why I'm so messed up.. I'm still ahead of so many other lost fucks in the world.

Er but yeah, right now it's not doing much for me. And people will flip when they realize I just debated with myself during this entry. eh well.

Why is our relationship so awkward? Because I made it so. Goddamn me.