12/16/2004

Now Playing: Ozma - Your Name

As we dropped Ashley off and we traded hugs, so officially ended my fall quarter, and 2004 school year.

This quarter has been pretty turbulent, but it's done with, and all I can say is thank goodness. It sucked, but it did so much good for my character =).

One of the last things I got to do was go on my first expendition to explore the big C mountain. My goal ever since I fell into a state of ... caca was to climb up to the top. Ask cuz, I had, and have this urge to reach the highest peak, sit on it and just.. sit in silence taking it all in. I thought I had to reach the C all the way up to have my Petrarch moment, to write and have this great realization of hw I have led my life. Turns out I didn't

The Adventures of Luis and Maria-Clark



that's the sun hitting our face assholes, my eyes aren't always that squinty!

Anyway, so my beloved cuz and I were off. We never did this kind of thing before, which is strange, since we kind of live at the footsteps to the gorgeous beast of a mountain. It got really hot and we tried many different paths, and pretty soon, I got a little too anxious.



All I could focus on was reaching the top - getting to the end - getting what I WANTED. We would take breaks to relax, but I couldn't.. I set it in my head and I wanted it all NOW now now. Didn't stop my cuz from being all reflecto emo



We didn't reach the top afterall. The path taken went too far right. We were halfway up, and when we stopped at a big flat rock, we turned around to see the view. Smoggy as it was, it was beautiful. This rain of calm suddenly hit me. So I pulled out my journal and I just.. wrote. Our arduous journey to find ''the right way'' and constantly fighting to keep moving on up became the literal manifestation of the past ten weeks of my life... and I think of just my whole life up to this point.

I know alot has happened, now. I may not be where I want, or with whom, and maybe expecting everything to happen once I put some effort was unrealistic of me. In fact, it was, but I always expect SOMETHING when I work for it. Sitting on the rock, having not reached the cursed C, I wasn't really disappointed with myself anymore. It was fine.. I am much further on this strange path than I realized, and it became very clear to me right then. I may not have gotten to where I want at this point.. but that's alright. I still don't know which way to go sometimes, or if it will take me to what I want, but the whole point to life is to just GO, which is exactly what I've been doing.

My quarter was full of downs and downs, but there was a mess of ups that were happening that I was too intent on not seeing. Shame on me. That's what happens in life though, right? Sometimes we can't see anywhere but forward. Sometimes we need to stop and realize where we are and where we've been before we have any idea where we're going.



It's good to be home. :)

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Luis...that was beautiful.
I am glad you took that journey to the C...and Im glad you realized that you didn't even have to for you to reach your point of realization. Either way, I think whether our lives have been good or bad your post still applies...just keep going...without expectation of something bigger than what we are living in already. You being satisfied that you've gotten so far is awesome :) Keep going!
Lydia

4:36 PM  

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