Post #1. Fuck where do I start...

alright. Let's talk about things one at a time and things will roll from there. :-D Let's start with something simple thankx to divine (Esther) inspiration... the quad. I'll do this a bit at a time...

Ever realize how pretentious and superior we core kiddies feel? Compared to the residential skool, and to other high skools, we think we're the shit. Academically sure... I think we're all cerebral monsters who devour information like I hear this dude devours Beth. But really, our mentalities have gotten very disgusting. "Oh, we're in core, we're not racist, we're not sexist, we're so diverse, and we're all friends <3 <3 <3, we're not like THOSE people." Sound in any way familiar? It kind of shouldn't - core kids don't really say these things, but they sure do imply it, and act like it.

The quad is the center of the core social order - with exception to our E hall. At the quad is where everything epands into all the things I'm gonna try to let out, so bare with me. "We're not racist..." okay - wait a second. You ever notice what the quad looks like?

We have your asian block on the far left, you have your mass of white core spattered everywhere else, and you get the occasional Brighton, Ashley and Rody meandering around. Gee, we're so diverse... yeah, diverse yet segregated as fuck. When do you usually talk to somebody that isn't from your little clique? You ever think about it? Usually I'm talked to by the asians (generally speaking, there's exceptions) and whites when they need me. "HEY LUIS! <3 <3 <3 SO IM GONNA FAIL THIS ESSAY LOLZ... CAN YOU HELP ME OUT? =]" yeah. Fuck that.

Alright let's get deeper. It's pretty established that in general, most of core is one mass of segregation that does not stray from it's race, or type of people. "Wait Luis, but I have lots of friends of all kinds.." oh, you do? Doesn't seem like it. I heard about Cary's guys only party the other day, it sounded like a blast, and I was like hey, how awesome would it be to actually kick it with Cary and stuff?... until I realized who was actually invited to that soiree. It was all of the usual white clique boys that Cary socializes with - oh, and Zodin and Craig too. Our resident token asians which the white core folk don't mind having around. Pretty harmless guys ya know? I like them both too - but wow Cary, nice way of personifying how great the core system works. Nothing against anybody personally here - I like Cary too (although he seems really interested in other peoples business). It's just sad how closed up the social atmosphere is on the white side of core. Man, and you guys really shit on the white guys that AREN'T so fucking elitist. You know who I'm talking about too. It's fuckin' sad. Hey, drop me a line when you need the final outline, okay? =]

Actually don't. I didn't even know Amanda Weiss existed until somebody told me she loooves my outlines. You probably like them too. Maybe you can tell me when you decide to talk to me for something other than that. I sound bitter - but I'm really not. I really don't care about me here, just pointing out how selective and passively racist everybody is. Moving onward! Feel the love!~!

Actually that's enough for today. I haven't even started on what's fucked up about our 200+ comrades. I can do more of this when I finish. Don't worry - I'll get to YOU eventually. People will read this and go omg~ Luis has issues. Hey guess what? You probably has worse ones than I do. If you wanna comment anonymously to any of these posts, please do. I don't wanna get anyone in trouble.

If you're gonna confront me - find me at skool. call me (818) 313-9773. Do not do it online you baby. Don't prove how weak you are by NOT showing your face (or voice) and just talkin' random smack to me thru the IM window. Go let me finish up this essay type series of blogs and then we can see each other at skool, and either ignore one another, or fake smiles and laughs. You know, the usual thing. w00T.

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Post #2. Okay I'm back.

Man where was I... oh yeah. I really don't care about most of white core - with veyr few exceptions. And they know who they are too. :-) I'll do this in letter format - cuz this case really hits me personally. Im sorry for the generalization here, but it has to be done. Note: There is alwayz exceptions to the rule.

Dear Asian block,

When white core does it, I could care less. They've done it all their lives and prolly don't know. You on the other hand are not white core, so stop doing whatever they do. You're even more fucked up than them in some cases. Where to start? (again)

Don't talk to me if you're not genuine about wanting to talk to me. Just like I said perviously, you're one mass of segregated fuck that tries all it can to deny it. Try to deny this:

When do you talk to anybody that isn't white or asian? In class? Sort of. You need to fake being all buddy buddy when you need some help with core SQ's - or with outlines - or with AP spanish. (personally speaking) How many times have I been lavished with your attention when you're in some sort of academic help? Oh man countless times. I love you too.

However once I wanna hang out outside the confines of school, and bond, and be more than school friends, you have no time for me. "Im sorry but I'm alwayz so busy~! hehe" How many times have I heard most of asian core say this to me. How many times have YOU said that???? So you're busy, that's kool. Then you start to hear the chit chat during class, "Hey, le's go out here tonight" or "Man that sure was great". Who are you talking to? Yourselves, jerks. You have all the time in the world to be with your 'people' (fuck, I'm getting crude) and no time whatsoever so do shit with something like me. Or Claudia. Or Brighton. Oh, unless they're super duper Christian like you claim to be.

Then you give asians trouble if they bother trying to break through this elitism. For almost 2 years Peter and I were friends, and for a while now we grew pretty close. He is/was the best friend I've ever had. I thought we had shattered so many of these fucking racial barriers. I love the bastard like a brother, STILL. I mean... I am the only non-asian to have ever been to his house... and hang out with him in general.

But no. You guys like to give him shit for having been close to me. Mostly asian guys too. That just reinforced his insecurities and if you couple that with our personal differences - you get as to why he doesn't wanna even talk to me anymore. Fuck you guys, you've ruined my fucking situations way too much. Which one of you can I trust when I know that behind my back, you're gonna do this shit? Damn.

Man it isn't even just non-asians that you push off and exclude, but other asians too. You know who I'm talking about. Not korean enough? Not chinese enough? Goddamn. For some reason or another - if azns want to hang out with other people, they either get shit on (Peter) or they get ignored and knocked out of the social loop (Minjung is one example), and even my Mushy. What about Slackers Anonymous too? You know, those 'outcast' azns that hang out near E hall. Yeah, the anime ones, the ones who also hang out with Jenny, Matt, Enza... you know, non asians. Oh man... when do you ever go talk to them? When you need Prince of Tennis 1 - 16 or something? You need money? Fuck that. They accept everybody, and they get put on the side because of it. THAT ISN'T KOOL.

I'm not saying that all asianz do this exclusion bullshit or that asians only do it - but that it's so fucking noticable at skool coming from you guys that, it sickens and saddens me. You'd think it's not a big deal for any of us. It probably isn't - but it hurts when you start to realize how elitst yall are. Especially when people like ME just wanna be friends. yay I'm an honorary asian... big woop. Let's hang out sometime. Not on outline time either. :-/

Anyway. I really like most of the asians at skool. I just hate the way they think of me and treat me, and well... use me. It's kinda like the white situation. Except I think I could be so tight with the azns... but they wouldn't ever let THAT happen. Doo you know how long I've wanted to just be part of a group? That aura of unity... wow... it seems so nice, ya know. But hey, 1/4 azn my ASS, Luis.

You guys have made me cry, you've made me do ALL I can to try to... fucking fit in. But as my outcome with Peter has proven, I can be soo close to somebody.. and even that foundation can be taken down. I hold a lot of bitterness towards asianz in core. and I really don't WANT to.. I really really don't.

I have all the love for guys like Peter An... cuz they're a true good hearted person, and an exception to this generalization of asians in core. Love ya mang. haha. But hey whatever... I don't think L337P373 himself can ever convince Peter about this racial problem. And I'll alwayz be sad about this. Scarred again. Man. Maybe if those relgiious asians practiced what they preach, we'd actually be in a better place. I can't wait to not see alot of you again.. because I'll miss you, yet you've hurt me and others way too much for me to wanna bear another 4 years with you. I hope you have a great time in college!

Alright, I'm sure I've pissed SOMEBODY off by now. I gotta apologize for that too, cuz this isn't meant to piss the world off; more like awaken the world, heh. Maybe talking about all this taboo racism stuff is too much to handle. I know I feel like erasing all of this and trying again to be buddyz. But I'm sick of being disappointed with people so, I'm gonna point out everything you do that makes you look like hypocritical shit. yay.

I think I'm done in terms of the racial situation. When it comes to generalizing the few blacks/latinos in core, you have to admit - there's so few of us that we're not capable of doing this hurtful HURTFUL bullshit to people. Pick out any of us - we're much more... socially willing to expand. Fuck you guys, LOOK AT ME! I WANNA FIND AND EMBRACE THAT ASIAN SIDE OF MYSELF! fuck fuck fuck. The sad part about this blog? It all bleeds truth. I hope instead of getting backlash (haha tho some will do it), you guys all just sit and think about this. That's all I ask. Things will not change (call me existential) - so I'm not gonna expect it. Anyway... gonna move on now. So my asian brothers n sisters... that's all I can say to you as a group.

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Post #3. I type so much :-]

So okay - we've gone thorugh my core kiddies are huge hypocrites in terms of race. good. What about everything else?

I hate how bored we all get. Mang if we're constantly learning about some 'new way of thinkinG~!' - we're bound to get bored. I guess that's why we decide to listen to, and start, so much bullshit within our little group.

wait.. *blasts Linkin Park*... wait *turns it off* you ever notice how we typecast one another? I guess since I'm the one starting this off I'll focus on me first. Trying to let out my shit through this blog and displaying a sense of emotion has eternally left me marked as the emo guy from core - the overly emotional guy who LOVES his friends too much, is depressed all the time, listens to LP... etc.

Man, way to describe me in one fucking sentence. Core kiddies (hey, I do this too) like to generalize people into short phrases and treat them accordingly. "Glen's the emotionless gay guy... talk to him superficially only" "Minjung is the krzzzzy lil azn nobody likes" "All Joe talks about is Anime" "Friedman is the biggest gossip in the world" "Brighton is fake" - all examples of how people are boxed in and really, how the fuck are we supposed to become anything but fake friends when we've already been labeled???

*blasts Linkin Park again*.

What about all the gossip down by the old core wishing well? Holy shit man... ridiculous. *typecasts* man, those girls sure do spread around a lot of shit... */typecasts* I think it's sad and pathetic how people have inner issues with themselves, and they decide to take it out on other people.

Case in point, I dislike how some people have so many issues with themselves, that they feel theneed to kick OTHERS down when they're in problems. This means you Friedman - stop creating more bullshit for other people and deal with the fact that you have your own problems... which I won't name out of courtesy. I heard you say alot of things about people, peoiple like Roel, like Me, etc... it isn't kool fool. I think you're a good guy somewhere beneath that bullshit mouth you've grown to have. It seems like during the Hallmarkism meetings you brought it out in Brighton and Jenny too... oh man. It isn't KOOL FOOL.

Sorry, it isnt like you're the only person who does it, I just had to use an exaple that I know of very well. I'd like Friedman and well, alot of core much more if they just dealt with themselves instead of started more shit for OTHER PEOPLE. Goddamn.

I also detest how easily influenced core kiddies can be too (I don't mean just core kiddies, but I'm focusing on a group here!). Anyway I hate how people like Corrie can easily use their charm and well, manipulative skills to turn people against one another. I'll never know the specifics (maybe I don't want to) but man, the shit that Corrie said to all of my m0m's old friends (you know who those are) seemed to work so well - because soon after, they left m0m by herself and went with Corrie. That fucking sucks, and I hate that it happened to such a good person. Man I don't wanna use the word but that Corrie... what a bitch she is for all of that. I don't like core kids who are easily swerved too! Man man man, you hear one negative thing about a person and you avoid them like the plague! Well fuck you! I'd like to see how YOU handle things whenever it happens to you in YOUR lifetime, you cold-hearted fucks.

But hey, I like most of you as individuals. Isn't that funny? I tell you all this cuz I care :]. Gotta start the change somewhere right... even if it's at my expense. I can see where hate would come out of this... but it really shouldn't come out at all. Maybe self-hate yes?

Anyway, I also don't like the superficiality that we all have going on. Holy SHIT do I hate it. We all do it and i htink it's very immature and retarded as fuck. For example...

You see how happy cheery smiley we all are with one another? Maybe when we see each other. Then once we're apart, so much shit is talked about... 'oh man I HATE him... because blahblahblah.' *person comes back* 'HEY! =] HOW ARE YA?' One reason I haven't brought myself to trusting someone like Glen is because of this habit he has, and I hate that about him, because I truly do genuinely like the guy. He's also a big mouth sometimes - but I won't single him out, because the rest of you are too. I can be too xD

I know superficiality is a part of being a human being, and that it's prtty much one of the few ways we have to be socially accepted. However, it isn't the ONLY way, and it's the easiest way, and the cheesiest, and most stupid. Quit it. I hate talking to Matt, or Robert, or fuck, ANY SINGLE ONE OF YOU about my problems, and then seeing you go up to a perosn I have a problem with and being all happy with them, and when you're talking to me, you tell me how fucked up you think they are. Man, grow the fuck up. If you don't like what somebody has done, or don't like someone period - then DON'T FAKE THAT YOU LIKE THEM. Pathetic core students.

Man. I'm tired.

I just realized that I neglected all the good things about us core babies... about all us peoplez. Oh well. It's better to get the shit out of the way before saying anything nice, if I say so myself. Not gonna do another long blog for a very long time or anything... and I realized I went against my whole 'I'm gonna be superficial' thing. But hey who cares now. Gonna kick back and relax now. Gonna block every single ass that tries to talk to me about this in an angry tone too. I'll see you at skool. I still am currently very down in the dumps, and can you blame me? You could but I really wouldn't. Regardless of however I feel, I will willingly talk to anyone who has anything to me to me for bringing all this shit out to the light. Man, SO much shit will probably be said about me after ppl read this... but that's only gonna prove all these points right, and it'll suck. eh.

Change has to start somewhere, and I think this may be a shot at starting something really good; even if we're 2 weeks away from splitting up for good. late

Thee seXay onE: it isnt supposed to be better at all... its supposed to show how it all is. it works so much that even i do it, thru how i posted it all and i used generalizations. i freely admit it too
Thee seXay onE: not gonna fake that im superior to all the bullshit
Thee seXay onE: not gonna say i have answers
Thee seXay onE: just gonna say wut sucks.