Been having recent good days. But whenever I think of it it hurts me... sucks when somebody has something going on, Lord knows what, and they decide to keep it all in... I've been there and still kind of AM there sometimes, but I haven't stopped trying... to let it all go.

I wish I could help, I wish you'd let me, cuz you did the same for me... but pushing things makes it worse. MAN, I wish you'd come to me.

I care so much sometimes, it scares me. I am SO overwhelmed by everything these past few days. I wish I could let it all go and cry, but I can't. I am scared of myself; I'm STILL NOT USED TO BEING PERSONAL OR EMOTIONAL, and it's killing me to feel so much. I used to be so stone-cold, and now I grow full of everything. I don't know how to process anything anymore without coming to a stop and almost... begging myself to cry. Emotions are so... hard to express... and deep down inside I know it's for the best to let them out rite? But it's so hard, and I know it's hard for you too!

What is it, am I chemically unbalanced? Manic depressive? Am I still so unstable that one day I'll be so happy, and the other I get so angry and upset that I just wanna hurt something? I hate myself for not knowing what to do, what to say, how to handle situations... now all I can do is pray pray pray, and ask why.... why am I so insignificant and why can't I ever be happy with the scraps of joy that you place upon my feet?