Now Playing: The Velvet Teen - Mother of Love

I just realized as I read your letters I just got, that I've been so busy.. with classes and homeworks volunteering and studies, that I totally skipped over my feelings. I thought I was doing awesome, cuz I WAS BUSY! That's what I needed! Part of me is completely satisfied..

yet as you so poetically put it, I have a crush! More like, a plethora of them. And I ached a little inside as I read your words, all of them reminding me that everything catches up with me. Somehow I skip over my feelings sometimes in order to get things done. I think I did it on purpose this time, yet still unconsciously, as to not swamp myself with the excess baggage of holding feelings for someone.

Ironically today I popped in my fall quarter cd. Awkward. Cuz pointed one out, and I still feel strange about it. I admitted to another, and I guess I'm bad at subtly. Who knew? Maybe that's a good thing. You're so right.

I adore the secrecy one has with themselves when around that one somebody. I love that.. it's feelings like these and TIMES LIKE THESE, that you just CAN'T deny your heart of what it wants. Kidding yourself just delays the inevitability of wanting to hold hands.. to talk for hours.. and synchronize in every way possible. I'm such a sap, SUCH A SAP. Yet I HATE it, I HATE wanting, I hate the unrequitedness, I hate showing myself how willing I have now become to giving people total control of me.

Today we learned the difference between illusion and delusion. And it's totally.. fine.. that I can be delusional, and go beyond the constrictions of reality and just daydream. We're allowed to dream, right? To go past reason itself and enjoy what you want so bad, if only in your mind, with eyes closed.

I'm sad now. But it's a healthy awesome amazing sadness. Thank God I can still feel.

and he's still a boy..
so he.. should just forget

"Dear Luis won't you learn to fall in love. It is the most noble pursuit."
- Brighton's first letter