From my parent's bathroom, December 20something, 2006 -

Future days loom ahead that I would rather skip out on.

Today once again I got to spend some time with Glen and Brighton. This time we met up with Matthew and Sarah to watch Pan's Labyrinth atthe Galleria. Currently cannot say much on the movie.

We were all supposed to meet up at Carney's for food and whatnot after, but I quickly changed my mind. The fact that I was clearly broke and that always makes me feel strange kind of decided it for me.

Being broke and on my own is something I can manage most of the time. I hate the feeling one gets when they realize they're the poorest of the group - so I try to avoid those kind of awkward situations. However, being broke as a whole family really stings. I mean seriously - we can't do ANYTHING on a $2,000/month salary. It has crippled us. It's crippling us spiritually too, which is a much more damaging effect than any temporary lack of funding. We can't even find somebody to cut us a break, get us a loan, or find any new cilents. It scares me.

I'm sick of this "situation" and do not know what to do. I mean it really gets to me sometimes - be it true or not I hate to think hey - do my friends mind that I'm like this, that I need money to complete a fucking lunch or dinner or a movie? Even worse - how can a guy enjoy the last months he has at college wondering how he's going to pay the damn cable bill?

I'm sure one day I will be thankful for these times. But I really wish these times were gone and gone now.

I need to figure something out. Or resort to something...
This is ridiculous. Pretty much anything one can name, I've been there, suffered this, conquered that, and come out stronger than before. Here though.. the technicalities of life are doing a thorough job of draining out the spirit of me, and even worse, of my family.
Man.. I can't handle seeing my parents deteriorate before my eyes. This is getting increasingly difficult.

Help.

--

My New Year's resolution is to continue to surpass myself, every chance I get. It's changed my life, this fiery ambition that burns...

Here's to another year full of opportunity, of passion, and of prosperity. You ever look at the past year and trace when and where you suddenly changed (even a smidge)? I hope that everyone's grown nicely in the direction that calls them. I think it is amazing to see. I may have blogged less n less, but I have continued relentlessly to experience what life has to offer. I can't regret a single thing.

I never will.