Now Playing: Calexico - All Systems Red

written in Notepad, November 24 2006

I think numbness is a dangerous state to be in.

Nowadays, when something swerves in and hits me, I feel less and less; I almost anticipate chaos.

It's dangerous. It's unhealthy, but oh so natural. You shock a mouse for so long without a method of escape and the mouse stops fighting eventually. I'd really hate to get to that point.

So here I am, feeling an emptiness of emotion that is more terrifying than any single thing that's happened.

This Thanksgiving I come home to the news that we lost what we had in the public storage. I wanted to be so upset, ALL my college notes, years of work and history, all thrown into the garbage because after 10+ years, we missed 2 months of rent in a row..

and I sit here again, wondering why I'm not acting out, or feeling out anything. I feel a void, a dissapointing air that is all too familiar.

How does one care for the soul, how does one get back up when the world leaves you broken time and again? Better yet, why get back up at all? What's the smart thing, nay, the best thing to do when you're down for the count?