Now Playing: Muse - Apocalypse, Please

This is the end

Today sucked I hated it I became a DEER CAUGHT IN FRONT OF HEADLIGHTS and goddamn I realized I'm the worst possible thing to ever happen to my ambition to progress.. aside from the krazy bastard whore from last year. But yeah. Not a good day. Pounding headache, racing mind, overworked heart. It's like I'm old, except without.. well, being old.

Yes. It's definitely my time of the year to be selfish, retarded and out of sync with my surroundings. Reality bites when you KNOW it bites, and yet it doesn't stop being as such. Well.. blogging the problems out sure isn't gonna help me now

Dangerous times.

We are reminiscing
We are .. rewinding
replaying, stop, <<
and it's going to end whatever chances we have, of walking forward with a steady foot
Are we always going to hold on to the good and the bad and make it DICTATE THE WAY WE LIVE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES?
We can't..
picking fights between the before and the now.. excludes the would and could-be's out of life's equation.

I hate when this happens. We're only poisoning ourselves with this. Let it go let it GO it has to stay behind us, it really does. It's just you in this fight..

theeseXayone: so i fucking blew it
theeseXayone: i fucking suck
theeseXayone: and i cannot make the friends i wanna make
NerdoNeat: what did you say?

theeseXayone: nothing of significance or interest, at all
NerdoNeat: (i do the same thing, btw)
theeseXayone: really???
NerdoNeat: yes
NerdoNeat: of course
NerdoNeat: everyone does
NerdoNeat: they get butterflies around people they think are really cool
NerdoNeat: b/c we seem them and want to be like them, but we say oh they're so cool, too bad i'm not like that and then we get a negative self image

theeseXayone: yeah, and boy did my self esteem shoot down a thousand points today.
theeseXayone: =[
theeseXayone: i really fucking hate this situation
theeseXayone: i dont exude confidence anymore
theeseXayone: im this little puppy dog begging for some sort of attention and approval
theeseXayone: and i can acknowledge that.. yet cannot correct it
theeseXayone: and i replied
NerdoNeat: ooo

theeseXayone: im not interesting enough :*[
NerdoNeat: huh
NerdoNeat: you are
theeseXayone: i think im duller than stale bread
NerdoNeat: it's just hard to be intrigueing and not boastful, informative, not a braggart

I think I'm entering the angry phase of this situation.. watch out