11/19/2004

Now Playing: Death Cab for Cutie - Lightness

Looking for the patterns of static, they start to make sense..

My sophomore slump has progressed and morphed from a sudden monster to a thick, heavy cloud. I'm no longer sad-depressed, but bitter, angry-depressed. I'm frustrated that I can't get over myself and all the pety, yet oh-so-precious things that anchor my heart down every day for the past month.

There is definitely two kinds of existentialism. One, the dark side.. the ''life is meaningless, all is suffering, nothing lasts'' approach. Someone dropped a bomb on me and made me see life this way again, if only for a little bit. It's this brand of negativity that can really, really bring a guy down.

I need to return to the lighter side of this whole thing. I need to go back to MY existentialism, back to the Nietzsche way. The ''yes, life is meaningless and suffering, so what?? It's BECAUSE of this that you should embrace the nightmare.. and stop taking it so seriously.'' I need to remember that, well, life is too serious to be taken seriously.

Maybe once I get there completely again, I can eventually go back to being the synthetic pessimist who pissed the negs off, for being too pragmatic. I still kind of am.. I know I'll eventually be okay [Hegel].. but I want to be okay NOW because life is pissing me OFF!! [Nietzsche]

I'm not too far from getting out of this rut in my life. At least moreso than I thought before tonight. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is exempt from falling into the fly-bottle of humanity. Studying animals does not make you less guilty of buying that fur coat. Studying psychology does not make you exempt from your flaws and mistakes. And knowledging my issues means absolutely jack if I don't turn around and take them for what they're worth.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, if you'd actually call me like you said you would or if you ever got online (since you all of a sudden stopped this week), I would be glad to cheer you up. I hoped to maybe see you while I'm out here... You're making me feel unloved (and also like I'm being annoying and nagging you with these repeated comments- but it's only because I care).

5:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Neon hippie cross-eyed fuckjugglers..... I always forget taht this is anonymous and I don't sign my name. It's me, Matt, if you hadn't already realized it.

6:02 AM  
Blogger Luis said...

you're like the girlfriend who makes me feel bad, man. I told you it's crunch time at school, right? I'm swamped.. and I emailed you back the other day. see ya

7:06 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home