This after skool ppl of color meetings we're having is really helping me put things into perspective.

I realized today that I am fascinated with the human mind... I really wanna get knee deep into psychology. Because of my fascination, I mentally probe people.. yeah. I try to see how their mind works, why it works that way, and what can be done to correct anything that wishes to be corrected. The thing is, try as I may to get into people's minds, because of the interest I have with them.... whenever I write about the person, or reflect, I have this.... stupid fucking uneasing feeling that people will think I am condescending, because I speak about whomever in such an analytical way.

Well I'm sick and tired of caring what people really think.... as if the people who aren't close in my life have any true bearing on me. I like being approved of, I like having friends everywhere... but I don't like having to be careful about everything I say. fuck that. I read blogs, I see peopel at school, I wanna write about Roy... about Minjung, about Nicole... aside from those I obviously spend time trying to 'figure out'. Peter, my bro!!!!... I wanna write about you, even though I have... extensively. Perhaps thinking too much will hinder me from doing anything BUT think, but I really don't care right now... I just wanna be in the know. Enlighten myself. The day I spent at my bro's house was very much the greatest time I spent... and I learned tremendously about him, moreso than ever. And I love the guy more because of it. So hopefully by writing things down about people, not necessarily in my blog, will I understand better... and maybe even better myself more than I already have. Maybe.