Yeah so I'm goddamn upset that I'm scared to talk to several girls right now. I feel like I'll be pushed away further if I even IM anyone so, whatever... not feeling good about this. =[

So I'm distracting myself with good things. I've decided to give a nice proverbial "fuck you" to all the negative vibes I've been surrounded by, by being VERY blunt about how I feel throughout the day. I'm so sick of people trying to destroy my morale. I won't care anymore if I don't get the goddamn hug when I say hi anymore, or that someone else gets lavished with attention. Yeah, I'm self-defeated here, but whatever. I'm buying a half-page ad for the senior yrbook... I can't believe I wanna waste $100 on something like it, but I am. I guess I do want to, but I can't justify myself. I wanna have several pics in it, of friends, so fucking gimme pics! I have alot but... well I'll see what I put in it. I'm also buying a senior shout-out, and instead of trying to be nice and please everyone by saying something general, I'll specify my shout-out to just one person. And if people don't like that and give me a crooked look, then once again, FUCK YOU! hahaha

Yeah so. Gonna paint this weekend, obviously NOT going out heh, and soon Peter will come and paint with me, which means time to chill, watch tv, and throw paint at each other. Man... I have to clean my room for that too. Sad, I'd only clean it if it was him coming over, or someone I feel as 'close' to... I guess that's normal.

Also, I've been meaning to tell you if you could give me the piece of paper you wrote that poem to me on... I seem to have forgotten to ask earlier, and I dunno. I'd like it. My mouth feels so dry, my head feels so heavy, my soul feels so anxious... wth is wrong with me, this was only the first week back! wow... it's already over.

I wanna live life... and never be cruel...
and I wanna live life... and be good, to you
and I wanna fly... and never come down...
and live my life... and have friends around.
We never change.. do we... no no.
We never learn.. do we. So I wanna live...