SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: keep the border around the "lit" graphic then just blacken the outsides
theeseXayone: yea
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: coo
theeseXayone: so text stands out better too
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: man u should teach me then i'll make u backgrounds
theeseXayone: whenever you want dude

Yea well... one of the biggest things to make me wanna hit myself repeatedly is how unbearably the type of liar I was. Well, maybe not liar, but all I was, was just words. Heh who isn't nowadays right... I was so... fuck, I was so happy that I had.. a friend that I did all to impress, regardless of whether I actualy meant 'whenever you want'. I meant it in my heart I guess... you know, hey.. we can go hang out whenever you want, it's all bullshit lies. I know damn well that I.. wanted to hang out right then and there... because you were the only thing keeping me from VERY luis-like things from back then, and I wanted to bask in the friendship and thank God for allowing it all to happen so fast...

BUT THINGS AREN'T FAST and I really REALLY didn't... mean some stuff when I seemed to mean it. You do it too, please. We're all a bunch of lost fucking teenagers full of words. I mean really... you were so damn encouraging and all thie crap about how you'd come to ME when you had to talk, or that you considered a close friend, but not quite yet close... mere words and no actions, that mademe push further... and then it got bad.

SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i expected you to "get it"
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: but you tried WAY too hard
theeseXayone: yes yes
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i guess i'm too used to dealing with the subtle things
theeseXayone: and you didnt say CRAP about it
theeseXayone: til it killed ya
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: that you just need to be told STRAIGHT UP
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: so i'ma tell u if u piss me off
theeseXayone: yeah, being subtle is sooooo 8th grade tim
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: and i dont care if u cry or any shit like that
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: what?
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: being subtle is so that i dont make you cry
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: brb
theeseXayone: .........
theeseXayone: blah
theeseXayone: *cries* SUBLTY MAKES FOR....confusion, no clarity, which still leads to cry
theeseXayone: so HA!
theeseXayone: if i woulda known where you were at, and if you were gonna let this friendship grow in time like we had constantly said but not applied.......we both coulda slept better.

Seriously... this might be wut killed me today. Words words, I guess in both our ways of... um... doing things, the biggest clash happened and well... look at me here, blogging, trying to make sense of the ruins, as if I'm the only one trying. So much went on at once that I should really take some notes.. which I'm tyring to do here but it's SO overwhelming that I'm gonna end up really bitter, again.

In this particular case... I guess all I heard was wods, words, never anything resembling what you SAID to me, so I reverted to PUSHING as I had done for SO many years... subtle words are bad alone, but words you don't carry out into real life? Those fucking HURT.. and me, barely changed thankx to talking to YOU, how was I supposed to react when the one person I felt would listen and support me, left? Yes whatever... both our fualts somehow.

I don't wanna finish. But I'm gonna.