I FOUND WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR. FUCKING FINALLY... man this is so painful, I was crying.. heh this is the whole convo taken into pieces, so I can check it alllllll out.

SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i'm intimdated by you?
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: sometimes
theese X ayone: why...
theese X ayone: lemme know :-D
theese X ayone: it helps so i can try to you know...not do that
theese X ayone: heh

Funny, I've been reading soooo much... and I realized, I was trying to change myself along with all the changes I had been through already... why so anxious Luis? I was trying *so* hard, damn. I helped kill it too.

SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: o yeah
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i know
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i just get a weird feeling whenever its like "impending convo w/ luis"
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: seems like i'm gonna have to fight a fight
theese X ayone: haha... shit :-/
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: its weird
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i cant really describe it
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: its just like gearing up for battle yo
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i know you dont feel that way

Yeah, and I bet you anything that even my buddy Nicole felt like that sometimes... god this is breakin me apart but it's all worth the answer =]

theese X ayone: is it a struggle to talk to me?....youre not alone in feelin that way sometimes
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: sometimes
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i feel like i need t accomplish something sometimes
theese X ayone: yeh...people say that all the itme to me
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: to say something that will impact you
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: and if i dont
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: then our convos have no meaning
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: which is bad
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: VERY bad
theese X ayone: ....why would it be a bad thing?....so we cant have a regular conversaiton without one of us getting all weirded out?
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: oh no
theese X ayone: *plots* what do you want me to do tim..

I guess sticks before bricks was just more words... but hey they make a lot of sense, but probably were'nt meant as such. I'm learning...

SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: my basing "progress" on whether or not we "get things done" is bad
theese X ayone: i dont understand
theese X ayone: maybe cuz im half asleep
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i guess i'm just saying
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: we need to be able to talk
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: regardless of whether or not i help you or not
theese X ayone: i think thats what ive been lookin for after we talked at lunch last week
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: the "friend" all-encompassing

Yes. haha.. yes yes.

theese X ayone: not everything id wanna talk about is something im asking you to help me with....its a matter of talking like any other friends would, but she pointed it out, you dont seem to be there yet
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: me?
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: with you?
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i'm not
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i dont feel that i am
theese X ayone: yeah, ditto
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: but i think we're getting there
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i have a bad habit of ditching those that make me uncomfortable
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: but i need to face up to it

OMG HERE IT IS! To think I haven't cried since that day in woman-core... yea well this made me just burst. But at least I got to the root of the problem. When something makes ME uncomfortable... I try to get rid of the uncomfort. I'm getting kinda good at it. SHIT this made me cry... fucking a please tell me this isn't mere words but truth. Nah you know what, it IS truth. I'm in love with this analyaiss crap.

theese X ayone: uncomfortable....heh, that which makes us human. you tell me how to make you stop feelign that way
theese X ayone: or like you said...
theese X ayone: we might not get anywhere anytime soon...o.0
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: lol
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: yup
theese X ayone: im open for whatever dude, i dont know how to help you out there though...maybe the notion that all of a sudden we started talkign kind of psyched you out, making you feel uncomfortable? whatever it is, we'll deal with it. I'd like to..
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: lol id like to too luis
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: i think i need to "ease" into it more
SoNiCbLaStOiSe42: than just jumping in

I'm done with this. Now I have to organize myself, and ease into this... cuz I'd like to be comfortable... and now that I just did the HARDEST thing I've had to do since the damn school year started, and I came out without a scratch!... I have to get myself in check. This happened, that happened, experience, experience. I'm thankful for all of it. God my head's pounding.... but we did it! no no.. *I* did it. Gotta stop crying