Mm.

Walking in the dark... outside.. looking above to the Heavens...jeeeebus yesterday was awesome. Eh, you know lately I've been considering trying to .. er, re-initiate things in my life. More specifically within my social bounds. Like I really wanna just get bakc into the swing of things with some people, but for one reason or another.. I stop myself.

Cuz I started things in the past.. and it didn't turn out so great. BUT, then I realize... I had a lot more to deal with back then.. and i couldn't handle anything, and that helped to the descturction of my hopes last year.

So I don't know.. after crashing and burning.. what's there to do? I mean I've held my own all my life, except it was in all the wrong ways.. and now I feel cleansed of a lot of my past mistakes. Can that lead to me smacking you on the shoulder and saying 'hey.. lets talk'?

Maybe if I had a better idea of what it is I'm dealing with..because after all these months, and concluding with last night.. I know that whatever has happened has affected everything I am and experience in the present.. but does the past mean I won't try things over again?

I dunno. Maybe the slightest notion that I wanna mend more things in my life will be seen as me being aggressive again. Whatever.. it's Not Enough.