11/25/2002

I'm a lil sad now.. =[ ugh. Today around 6th period time wasn't koo. Stupid good music. You know the song.. smitten~ cd =]

Now you're gone.. I wonder why.. you left me here.. I think about it on and on and on and on and on again.. - Yeah.. time to be blunt (a blunt blog? those exist?). You've been mesing with me head. I keep thinking about what happened... shit and it's sucking cuz that's all I CAN do.. TIM I'M BLOGGING LOOK! :-[

I know you're never coming back.. But I hope that you can hear me.. I'm waiting.. to hear from you.. Until I do - Yea so dude now that I'm thinking about it, I hope you read this! I said before that I'll be waiting for you to talk to me.. and whatever, it really sucks that there's bits and pieces coming at me but still NO fucking.. anything. I mean shit.. this leaves me all upset and disjointed.

You're gone away.. I'm left alone.. A part of me is gone.. And I'm not moving on, So wait for me..I know the day will come - Yeah.. I remember how it feels to just GO and show someone that you think the damn world of em, because of this or that.. I never ever spilled myself to anybody in the way I did to you.. it was krazy, and so kool.. it's weird cuz, noones ever gonna know how I feel... so I'll just sit here, typing.. thinking.. blah =/

I'll meet you there.. No matter where life takes me to.. I'll meet you there.. And even if I need you here.. I'll meet you there - Hey though.. I've done alot for myself and within myself to get to where I am, I'm not so... so whatever you thought I was.. SUCKS cuz It's not like you're gonna come up to me and ask to talk, so I can't really prove jack shit.. but I'll meet you there... hopefully.

I wish I could have told you.. The things I kept inside.. But now I guess it's just too late. =[.. So many things remind me of you.. I hope that you can hear me, I miss you.. This is goodbye.. - I wish I could have told you.. how much crap I've had run through my mind, sometimes unwillingly, about this... I coulda handled myself better, but either ay I've gone through it all, I've been mad as hell, sad, REALLY skeptical.. and man you can tell, I can't run away from this.. cuz it follows me around. Look at where I sit in 2nd! Look at how many friends we have in common, all the THINGS we have in common, it's pissing me off that I can't do a damn thing!... whatever... heh this song rules neh?

And where I go you'll be there with me.. Forever you'll be right here with me.. =] - Eh... I told you a few weeks ago.. it's all up to you man, you. You taught me a lot of valuable things dude, alot.. and because of those Ive learned to become a much better person, for everyone, including myself.. yeah you know, you changed my life, changed it FOREVER, even if I got my ass kicked SO much. I can't forget any of it even if it pains to think about it.. yea =]

Uhm.. so this is what came into my head late yesterday, as I was running around CSUN. Running, running, you read about my day.. but then I saw you a few times and got REALLY irked, and started to swerve, and trip heh.. to escape.. but I can't. Personally, I can't, and if that bothers you - then FUCKIN A what do you want me to do. You can't tell me it doesn't bug the SHIT out of you when we're both around and this silence is there, but it's a deadly one, it's starting to dig into my flesh.. but what do I do? Pretend all the good stuff and the bad didn't happen? This is a thing that will KILL me on the inside if I let it slip by.. and that scares me alot. I've done really well, growing up, on my own. I'm at a very different place, but.. You were so fucking awesome! So nice so funny.. I didn't really even ASK for your help all those months ago... I just asked for a friend.

I still am.

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