Too unstable to sleep.

Tommorow will be something very important. Heh, with everything coming back, it'll be at LEAST very interesting to see how shit unfolds. You're back, and I'm feeling . . . different, and everyone is on my case about a lot. Kraziness... I was always on a certain level 'independent', but I really truly think all it was, since we've had long discussions about it, a case of miscommunicated signals. It wasn't a matter of letting go, at least not in the context you may think.

I really don't wanna repeat old stuff so go read my feelings on how and why such and such happened. In this case I'll just clear up oooone lil thingy. I guess with others like say my other guy friends, there was always something that kept me head on straight, like a 'don't worry, stop worrying, I care now lemme show you damnit =X' type thing. I don't wanna use this word but I will, there was :-/ assurance? Blah, I didn't mean to use that. Maybe the fact that with most of them I have classes besides core where we can talk like everyone else does, and interact moreso without a care, maybe that's where that assurance came from. Maybe they're just more used to this kinda stuff, which makes it easier for me eh?

But neph.... didn't get that everywhere. Hell I got it from sooj and i don't even know her =[. In trying to find that 'assurance' and sense of yay happy stuff to diminish my ill will, I searched and fought to find it. Sadly, past experiences have left me with this huge flaw regarding my approcach, my demanor, I'm one huge fuckin' forcful person, and if you couple that with what I was trying to see, well . . . disaster looms. But hey, I've cut that out for the most part. Honestly! =[

But that is past, and well at least for now, I know that something is working on the inside. At least for me. This huge insanity pull I made, it got to that true paranoia and uncomfort level, which really sucks, should'nt be that way. It isnt with them. Never will be either. But it is here, and here; this all matters the most, for reason that again.... LJ has repeated =P. So I have to learn to reap what I sow. Which I am dude, I am. Sure it sucks and I hate it, but it's all for j00 and all for the better, at least it's what everyone tells me.

However, this is a learning deal. So we both gotta recognize what up and such. Oh, and Zodin, never EVER send me another link through aim AGAIN. Much <3 and \m/, I feel tired now. No, I won't sleep, I feel tired. My mind is on shut down, and so0o0o is my blogger for tonight. Peace


How dumb are you?