Can one truly .... ugh .... I don't know what to say anymore, I feel like a broken record.

Maybe I don't have anything to say because I have to regress into the state of mind where I said nothing, for the sake of others. Of course that's the case, who'm I kidding. Problem is, people don't get anything from nothing, or do they? We always hear and see and sense and feel things when you have it before you, not kept away. I think it was best said earlier, one can only go yb what one sees and hears. Heh, one more agreeance, blehhhhhh...

Issue being right now, just added confusion. One thing for me is to help others, I guess you can say it's what I live for, because my crap isn't helping itself and I pretty much can't do anything anymore, only someone else can. Can you help someone, someone you see in front of you, someone you pain over ... if you keep it all shut? It was a mere request, not the only one but the most important and difficult. But the most necessary, which makes it h3ll to keep your head straight. One goes and does by what he sees, but he doesn't wanna see $hi7 maybe maybe not? I really don't know anymore. I'm there goddamnit, there. We all like to think we are; to help others because it helps us feel what we can't feel alone. But some people just work on their own schedules, and for me, that means sitting here, doing SHIT, just waiting ... listening to Reminiscence by Yasunori Mitsuda. -_-;;

I don't know if these two weeks will be the end of it, there never is a clear cut finish to anything unless it's stated. But who can state it when they know themselves well enough, to know they aren't the approaching kind? Talk about putting someone in a bind, putting PEOPLE in a bind. The bind I have hurts the most, but hey, I'm tryin' to keep it away. With that comes my vague words and expressions, my lack of speech everywhere ... my lack of heart and motivation. Anxiety; from school? Not the academics, nope. Heh, if this was self analysis, it would be the exact same thing.

This is me, important to ME, I NEED it, and you know nobody else may give half a fuck, but that just makes it all the harder for me to communicate myself. Isn't that what you need? No wait, you told ME to stop it. Lord lord lord, these trials and tribulations I have walked into are mighty new and downright scary. Is it really reaping what I sow, a punishment, if it was YOU who told me to freakin' sow this patch! I need a sign ... no, not from you this time.

Odang ... I really can't go through this cycle of invisibility and silence again can I =[, where's my white flag, I just might break down. *sigh* Just look at me, I make sense only to me, I'm a vague and deprived soul duuuuude .... deprived from .... forget it.

Back to sleep.